Relocation Or Running Away?

[Whirlwind]

I have wanted to move away from my home town.....my whole life.

It is just so full of bad memories for me....childhood abuse/isolation, sexual assaults, drugs, and while not on the same level, a LTR that ended, and its fine, just a bit sad.

For example, the "new" bike path is great, my husband loves it but goes right past a place I was brutally assaulted when I was a teen. I do ok but how not to remember when we cycle by? Sure, I can avoid these areas and some I very much do but if I avoid everything I won't leave the house :)

There isn't a part of town that doesn't have a connection to something. I have good memories during my adult years but I simply can't escape the past, it feels etched in the sidewalks.....and I've lived in a few different places around the city but just isn't that big of a place.

My therapist points out my PTSD will follow me, I get that, and things I need to deal with, I get that too.

But is relocation such a bad thing? I travel as much as I can, have for years...and when I come home, its nice but it never feels like..home somehow.

I did relocate for a work assignment (1.5yrs) and I LOVED it, everything felt so new..... And there was so much SUN, I loved it, my city is pretty but only 3 months out of the year. The climate here is an independent reason I have wanted to move.

My PTSD is rearing its head again, I'm better prepared these days and I am seeing a therapist for support.

But I may have a chance to move this next year...I'm mid life, other than my travels I feel stuck, still trapped here. Honestly, I am not sure I want to wake up elderly some day and never have gotten free of this place.

The only reason I am even hesitating is because I realize my previously undiagnosed PTSD has driven some decisions in my life. I don't want to run from this and I don't want to be driven by unrecognized fears.....I want to deal with my PTSD in the healthiest way possible.

I would really appreciate feedback/points of view.

Thanks for your time, Whirlwind

 

[Friday]

Hey... I not only have several cities that are on my personal no-fly list, I have an entire continent that is off-limits!

The world is too darn big a place to stay in hell, just because it's where I happen to be standing. Thats just stupid. It's like staying in a bad relationship, or a neighborhood taken over by gangs. Just because something USED to be nice, doesn't mean I'm obligated to stay there.

Sure, wherever you go, there you are.

And all cities, everywhere, have a certain sameness to them (places to eat, sleep, congregate, transport, duck out of the weather, shop, educate your kids, earn a living, etc.). So if it's the ACT itself, of living, that part won't change. A teeter-totter, a campfire, an exchange of money... Small things will always bring back memories. That's different from "And that storm drain is where Bobby was shot and died." So, yes, there will always be memory prompts,,wherever you go. But at least, for me, not seeing Bobby's storm drain every time I turn around, or knowing its twenty minutes at way, is exponentially easier. I just nuke the whole city in my mind. Check. That ones off the list. Unless I want to go visit.

There's simply a time to make new memories.

Spin it with guilt by calling it running away from an old life if you like.
You can spin ANYTHING with guilt, no matter how good a thing is.
I've got enough guilt.

My 2cents.
Clearly biased.

 

[mrsps]

The way I look at life is you only live once so if its something you want to do, do it! If it doesn't work out you can always move back. But in saying that if it is to try and escape your current life and think everything will be different ..... it probably wont be as all the issues you still have will follow you.
On the other hand a new place with new people may help you to work through issues you have and you may be able to lead a better and happier life :)
Good luck with whatever you chose

 

[Jane.l]

I am all for change and fresh starts . It doesn't sound like you are running away at all , you have taken on board that you can't run away from the PTSD however much you want to but that staying somewhere that is constantly triggering is not helpful either.

When my marriage broke down last year I considered going back to my home town - went and looked at a house there but could not get away fast enough the whole place triggered me it was like a nightmare.

If I had to stay there it would drive me crazy . If you have the chance make a new beginning .

 

[nursenurse]

If you and your hubby agree to move, then just do it. The climate alone would be enough for me to call the moving van, and I don't have PTSD.

You seem to have a good understanding of your condition, and as long as you can find decent therapy where you are going, then just do it. Life is an adventure made to be lived, not to be constantly reminded of the bad at every turn of the corner. Who cares if you are running away? As long as you are dealing with your issues, it is no one's business except for you and your hubby, how you choose to be happy.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Relocation is vital to me but being dependant on the remaining safe family I have, it requires patience. We will be moving in the next year. For me I don't leave the house except for therapy/docs appointments and once in a blue moon to go out with my mum all of which I am accompanied to and from, so I suppose that is a problem but it's literally the only way I can cope.

My therapist has said my desire to move and remove myself from all the toxicity surrounding me is healthy - which is a huge relief! I recognise my personal problems will follow me, physical issues surrounding safety and continued abuse (for the most part) won't. Hopefully the change will be cathartic as well and will give me some room for personal development and healing. It's virtually impossible to heal while still under threat of danger and knowing are powerless to escape it. So for me, hearing my therapist say that she thought moving is a positive thing, for me gives me space to stop beating myself up for trying to run away from my problems, even though that's not entirely what I'm trying to do.

Also, my only friend lives about 200 miles away, I've seen the difference and improvement I can experience being away from home, yet I've stayed long enough there to know that I still have a lot of problems. The change is similar to multiplication however, in that 0x anything will always be 0 (home town), but 1 or 2 anything can and will grow.

Actually one thing that helped me is this; if I won the lottery what would I want and the only thing was I would want a roof over my head, practically anywhere but here (sure if I won the lottery it would be a nice roof). There might be things that I want and I would engage in some things that I don't have the money for and I'd enjoy being generous. The only other thing is that I'd want a good private therapist where my sessions weren't limited - in fact I knew that so strongly the only three things I wanted were a safe place to live, a good therapist and being able to go out for coffee once a week and being able do more hobbies. I realised I can do that without winning the lottery, I just haven't done, sure there are hurdles in the way but wow! Certainly helped me to see my priorities :) Anyway I'm rambling. Good luck :)

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have moved about 25 times after I escaped my hometown. Most were geographical cures that changed nothing, some were for love, some for work. My house is for sale now and I look forward to my next change. I have my own business that keeps me grounded. I'd stay in my house but I can't afford to heat it.

I see nothing wrong with a fresh start as long as you don't use it as an excuse to isolate. Did that, don't recommend it. But I never go to my hometown. Never.[DOUBLEPOST=1404043691,1404043616][/DOUBLEPOST]I have moved about 25 times after I escaped my hometown. Most were geographical cures that changed nothing, some were for love, some for work. My house is for sale now and I look forward to my next change. I have my own business that keeps me grounded. I'd stay in my house but I can't afford to heat it.

I see nothing wrong with a fresh start as long as you don't use it as an excuse to isolate. Did that, don't recommend it. But I never go to my hometown. Never.[DOUBLEPOST=1404043766][/DOUBLEPOST]Sorry for the double post-lost my connection and didn't realize it posted

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Kas_Can_Fly
About your therapy: why do you have limited sessions? Do people in the UK get limited care if they have a chronic illness like diabetes or high blood pressure or blood clots?

Many states in the US have humane mental Health regulation called parity. It means that insurance companies cannot limit psychotherapy care for people with biologically based or sexual abuse diagnoses. Pretty much all problems other than the 'worried well'.

 

[Whirlwind]

Hey... I not only have several cities that are on my personal no-fly list, I have an entire continent that is off-limits!

:D:D:D

Thank you all!!

My therapist cautions me strongly. He feels I may be more "isolated", etc.

But I am not leaving friends or family here, no one really.

I want friends, it just hasn't worked out but I am friendly and chatty....I'll eventually make friends here...or "there". I also have issues with my relationship and I don't expect this move to fix that.

But I don't see how it can hurt, this town would be smaller but it looks promising and has enough of the basics, stores, looks like cute local community and the outdoors/climate looks fantastic. My husband just went to check it out and he is excited, we have discussed we could always move back here if we really dislike it.

Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm trying to be open but I am a bit puzzled why my therapist is so anti-me-moving...that maybe I was "missing" something.

Whirlwind

 

[WillyKat]

Moving can be either just a relocation or running away. As a previous poster said, you'll take your PTSD with you. On the other hand, getting away from known triggers may aid the healing process.

If you have friends and a support network in a new place, I'd say that's a good pull factor for moving, provided you can find a safe neighborhood, etc. If you're triggered all the time where you are, that's a good push factor.

For the record, I've been fantasizing all the time lately about being younger and leaving my home town for good. Which is weird, because I've already done that and yet, here I am, with all the same problems.

I did leave behind a lot of negative people from a negative place, so I feel I made the right decision in leaving. Right now, I live near San Francisco, which is rumored to be a very tolerant place, full of good, kind people, etc. Well, the reality isn't all its cracked up to be. There are plenty of assholes here, some of them with all sorts of tolerant and liberal credentials.

 

[Whirlwind]

I'm not leaving behind people nor am I going to any. Yes, being here and triggered is a good "push" factor. I dread the coming winters because we're all stuck inside and also, my neighborhood is nice but this city....everyone is friendly but everyone tends to keep to themselves and there is a superficiality/flakiness to people.

Not a major point for me but I understand what you mean about the "reality" of the place.

which is rumored to be a very tolerant place......Well, the reality isn't all its cracked up to be.

I see how my city is deemed such a great place to live but the REALITY is ....it has wonderful things but no one mentions for example we are the "bum capital" (they are EVERYWHERE), a humongous drug problem and all of the related stuff, it is pretty ugly.

LIke we have a great public trans system which I have ridden for decades...and it is rare that I get through a trip without an ugly scene. Just the other day I had a soda hurled at me as I was walking off the train and profanities screamed at me.....no reason, I just crossed paths with a tweaker.

Just a regular day riding the train. That is the least of my issues but honestly, I am also sick of that kind of thing. It doesn't exactly help my hypervilligence.

Whirlwind

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I moved far away from the negative small town I lived in for twenty five years. It was so full of triggers and pain and anguish for me.

I moved/ left/ ran away for a fresh start.

I recently moved again to a much better area. Neighbors here keep to themselves which is so fine with me. I have a few friends here in the area.

I say go for it. You have a plan of action all mapped out and you are going to check it out first.

I wish you the best on this new venture.