Residential Treatment, Have Anyone Been There

[Beebee]

I am diagnosed with schizophrenia and complex PTSD, formally Enduring Personality Change After Catastrophic Experience ''The current ICD-10 includes a diagnosis of Enduring Personality Change After Catastrophic Experience (EPCACE) in the Disorders of adult personality and behavior section. This is regarded as equivalent to Complex PTSD.''

When I am in reality it is too overwhelming. Too many flashbacks, horribles one, scaring to the point of seeing suicide as a safety way of scaping from the threat, to the point of thinking of killing ''everyone'' to be safe.

That's why I spend most of time dissociated or psychotic, I stay far from trauma while psychotic and dissociated.... but lately I have tried to face the trauma and stay in touch with reality, and I cannot study or be safe without sedating myself with benzodiacepines.

My therapist told me to don't feed the dissociation and psychosis, and stop pretending everything is normal, but if I do what he says I crash in a dangerous way.

I think I will stay dissociated and feeding psychosis until I finish my second semester examns in june, then...

I don't know, if I face it I would need to be nearly supervised, which it is something I don't have, but I need to face it in order to don't be all the time psychotic or dissociated. I can't build social relationship or truly live when being so dissociated or psychotic.

I am in a day hospital but the activities are mainly to socialize and participate in a friendly way, to learn to do that. This is because most of patients there have problems with it. They don't have anything specific for trauma, they just focus on teaching young people to behave and react in appropriate ways, for example, how to ask things gentely instead of getting angry and scream what you want. My psychiatrist told me the activities won't help me, but there are not more resourses in the day hospital.

This is why I am considering the psychiatric hospital, which it is one of the best ones in my country, and gropus and activities are more personalized, divided on patients needs, on groups depending of their needs.

acute wards don't help, the day hospital isn't enough, it is closed after 3pm and it is closed all august.

The minimum tiem to be inpatient in the psychiatric hospital it is 6 months, this and don't seeing my regular psychiatrist scares me.

What do you think about the residential treatment in the psychiatric hospital?

I see my psychiatrist who is also my therapist once a week, but it is not constant, sometimes it is once a month, and it is just talk therapy. I am not getting better regarding trauma and I am with hime since 1.5 years. I cannot have another one throught the public health system since he is the only one the provides psychotherapy without being inpatient. In regular facilities that are not day hospital I can see a psychiatrist only once each 2-3 months and with luck once a month, that's why I see a psychiatrist/therapist in the day hospita, to hhave more sessions, even if they say the activities of the day hospital won't help me and they are not interested in my participating.

I am sorry for my spelling but I had to sedate myself with 2.5 clonazepam 600mg gabapentin and 1mg xanax because the flashbacks had non end and I was losing my mind and seriously thinking on killing myself to secape from the threat I felt too real

 

[Deleted member 41318]

Eventually, I was very fortunate in having an over qualified psychologist who's ability to make sense of the twists and turns in the story and the patience to weather communication that often sounded, at times random, together with tendency to look away rather then an ability to be direct and look people in the eye. Her dedication gave me the benefits of classic and interpretive skill during interviews for a period of time, compensating for my lack of focus until the transfer of information becomes obvious.

I'd just like to add that this was at a time of finally learning and pinning down what occurred (40 years after the fact). Thankfully, her integrity was by my estimation so capable to apply wisdom and insight while learning where my head was at, so to speak. We're speaking of the unspeakable which I didn't appreciate until experiencing the story with a person who could direct the conversation when focus was in short supply. There do exist methods of treatment that aren't for everyone, and found myself uncomfortable with one of the exercises which she was completely understanding of.

Naturally, I wish the best of outcome for you. If less reliance on appearances of acceptance, and less need to temper our expectations as a result of arriving late to the evolution and reacquaintance with our selves, all the better.
Nathan

 

[joeylittle]

I am considering the psychiatric hospital, which it is one of the best ones in my country, and gropus and activities are more personalized...

...I had to sedate myself with 2.5 clonazepam 600mg gabapentin and 1mg xanax because the flashbacks had non end and I was losing my mind and seriously thinking on killing myself to secape from the threat I felt too real

These are the two quotes that stood out to me.

I encourage you to try the residential hospital. 6 months may seem like a long time - but it's not, really, in terms of treatment. You are in need of a program that can cater to your specific diagnoses, and I do not think they are an easy pairing.

You've done a great job committing to the day program (I remember it frustrating you) - and you are aware that you're not getting a sufficient level of care.

So, I'd say - go for it.

 

[Beebee]

I went to the ER and they refused to IP me even if there is death risk because i have had bad past experiences while IP. they put me a med cocktel I took in the past and made me feel worse, I told them and they didn't care.

I feel in danger I could die in any moment.

I told them the med cocktel didn't help when I tried it and that I could trow myself throught the windows the next crisis

 

[joeylittle]

@Beebee - you need to call crisis services locally, or log off the forum and get yourself grounded.

It's hard to tell if you are having a PTSD symptom flare-up, or a reaction to the meds you took.

But either way, we can't do much for you from here.

Can you call a crisis line?

 

[Beebee]

I dont know any crisis line.

I took 2.5more of clonazepam and 600mg gabbapentin

 

[Beebee]

I found a crisis line near me, the sede it's 2h away, i will call and explaiin them

 

[Beebee]

all lines are busy

 

[desiderata310]

Samaritans
These folks are on line and are lovely. Give them a shot?

 

[Justmehere]

This is why I am considering the psychiatric hospital, which it is one of the best ones in my country, and gropus and activities are more personalized, divided on patients needs, on groups depending of their needs.

I know it will be hard to not see your regular doctor, but you will have a great opportunity to develop great relationships with new providers and peers. It could really help a lot, and even make your outpatient care a lot more effective when you leave the hospital.

Right now, you gotta get some help locally. Can you call local emergency services, and have them take you back to the hospital? Does your doctor or day treatment center have on-call services for a crisis?

 

[Beebee]

My psychiatrist is on holidays until May.

I called again and again the line. They said they couldn't do anything.

Nobody can't do anything.

I am cursed.

The last option it is calling the emergency services, and they will send me to the same hospital and I will see the same psychiatrist.

f*ck THEM

 

[Beebee]

The day hospital has no call for crisis

I will take a mild klonopin overdose and sleep, and sleep with gabapentin, and lormetazepam. It wont' kill me, I dont'w want to die

17mg clonzepam, 2100mg gabapentin, 6mg lormetazepam

good sleep

It wont kill me

I am writing everything that happened to show it to my psychiattris on may when he return from howlidays, I will stand until then.

Sory form my spelling and for beign llike this but flashbacks are unberiable