Return Of Ptsd After Years Of No Ptsd? This Happen To Anyone?

[whirleygurl]

In 1989, there was a major earthquake in the San Francisco area where I live. I was driving home and a two tiered bridge collapsed and I was on the bottom tier. I was knocked unconscious when a large piece of concrete landed directly in front of my car and I ran into it. I got off the broken bridge by myself, spent 11 days in the hospital, had a bad bump to the head, and had to have a pin put in my right ankle. I had problems driving, being in small rooms or confined places, I would panic. Back then, I was told by a counselor that I had PTSD, had a few meetings with a counselor, but it didn't help much and basically I just got over it myself. I was back to work, driving, etc., within 3 months. I just made myself drive. I told myself how ridiculous it all was and just white knuckled it all.

There are tons of bridges all around San Francisco, and the fear of bridges didn't seem to last very long. I worked in the area, driving every day in the same area that the bridge had collapsed and just didn't let it bother me. I worked for 20 years with no problems driving. I drove twisty roads, dark roads, bridges, nothing bothered me. I went anywhere I wanted with no problem.

I thought I was done with this thing. That it was all behind me.

Then out of the blue, two years ago I had a panic attack while driving over a long steep bridge. I have struggled with these panic attacks for these past two years. They won't go away this time. Now, it's even when I'm not driving - when I'm hiking in steep places or driving on high roads. I feel crippled. I can't go to the beach or travel to mountains, certain scenic places etc., because of these stupid ridiculous panic attacks. I feel like i've lost my reason because I know these are well traveled roads and bridges and there's no reason to fear. I feel like a coward and a failure.

I want my life back. I am seeking help of a therapist who specializes in PTSD and hoping for better days.

Question: Has anyone had a long lapse with no PTSD and then had it come back? Why did it come back? Can you share your story?

 

[Shellbell]

Maybe the PTSD has most returned as you didn't process the trauma at the time and just repressed it all? And the brain can't do that indefinitely.

I'm so glad you are seeing a therapist for PTSD.

 

[Brinsanity]

I agree with Shellbell. You were repressing your memories of fear and anxiety. The human brain can only take so much for so long, than it breaks open and crappy feelings just come flooding out. Things you thought you were done with, suddenly pop to the surface. Suppressing it again will not work, you will have to work through your feelings, and find new ways to manage your trauma.

You are doing good work so far. Opening up is the first step, Therapy is what will get you through the hard parts. I hope you find a home here. Good luck, you are in my prayers.

-Brin

 

[Whitneys story]

Hi and Welcome to the Forum.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I remember that earthquake, and some of the stories told by survivors on the bridge. I was eight at the time.

You are not a coward or a failure. It is not uncommon for PTSD to knock us down, out of the blue, a long time after the initial trauma. Sometimes it only takes a seemingly benign event to make our house of cards come tumbling down. My initial trauma was when I was four, maybe three. I didn't develop full blown PTSD until I was 28 when I was triggered by another event.

Yes, it sucks because we think that we're over it, but somehow these things come back to bite us in the arse. I just want to let you know that you're not alone. (And recurrence of symptoms such as yours and mine are why they say PTSD has no "cure" rather we "heal" our PTSD. I hope this makes sense!)

 

[Jen93]

Question: Has anyone had a long lapse with no PTSD and then had it come back? Why did it come back? Can you share your story?

Yeah. I was traumatized when I was 11-14. I was diagnosed when I was 17. I was doing okay after a few months- the usual six months. I was fine all through grade 12. (Mostly... a few instances of hypnogogia when meditating, but nothing serious.)

I was re traumatized my first year of university. A friend fainted and made me relive my first trauma. And then there was stuff on the news about bullying and the rate of suicide, that brought up new stuff. I've been constantly triggered with this new stuff, I haven't had a refresher at all on grounding techniques, and constant triggering so my brain isn't getting the rest it got my grade 12 year.

It's totally normal for PTSD to "return" after being re traumatized. It meant that your brain actually was doing okay, but then for whatever reason it remembered new stuff. It's best to refresh on grounding techniques, and then try your best to use your safety plans. With support it can get better. It's not easy to "get over it", but nobody expects you to "get over it" after having something really scary happen. The best way towards healing I've found is realizing that you can't change the past, and you can't stuff it down, to ignore it is to deny it, and denial is the PTSD's worst enemy. The flashbacks will get worse unless you accept that it happened. Once you accept that you have witnessed it, you're halfway towards getting better- but stuffing it down is hiding it, not accepting it.

 

[Britt.f7]

I believe that ptsd can return. In my twenties I was inpatient for a month working through my ptsd. Everything went well for the next 20 years. I had some depression over that time but my depression was maintainable. Then, about three years ago, my grandma died, last year my mother and aunt died and this year another aunt died. After her death I suffered a major depression and was hospitalized. I am still trying to work through everything, but the therapists tell me I am going through the ptsd again. It depends on where you are in life and what triggers it.

 

[Tinyflame]

I am still trying to work through everything, but the therapists tell me I am going through the ptsd again. It depends on where you are in life and what triggers it.

I think they are correct.

I've heard it said that combined with the above (the trigger, or experiences that occurred later and triggered it), that one feels 'safe' enough that it surfaces. Ugh. How can anyone feel safe enough to go there again? But of course, it's not a choice, didn't realize any of this was coming.

 

[Britt.f7]

That's what I try to tell people who don't understand it, it is not a choice. I wish more people would realize it. The mind reacts, sometimes, even when the mind isn't, seemingly, thinking of it.

 

[matthios]

I met with an incredibly unhelpful therapist exactly once. 99% of everything I got out of him (or about him) was, well, underwhelming.

HOWEVER, the 1% that wasn't unhelpful/underwhelming was truly remarkable. He was describing the symptoms of PTSD (nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive memory recall) as a way of the brain attempting to process the horror we'd experienced--as its own built-in immersion therapy.

I think that bears thinking about here, regarding a "return" of ptsd...

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think this is happening to me now. For years I have been sleeping good, no dreams and no nightmares, and yet they have started up again.

I am doing emdr and have tackled the big memories. I have been feeling better.

But now I am getting intrusive thoughts about my childhood. Things that never bothered me before. I have been wondering about what is going on. I will have to take this into therapy to see what is really going on. I only have two sessions left and then I am on a waiting list for two months. Interesting thread. I wish you all the very best along with me too.

 

[AS1975]

I personally believe that is the nature of PTSD. I have forced myself to simply "toughen up and deal with it" and apparently coped quite successfully for years, until another trauma happened, on so on, but it seems to me that the illness is compounded, each traumatic event and the memories from each, seems to get all confused with other events (even some experienced only vicariously). It complicates the healing process and the imagery gets all confused.

For instance I was in a hotel fire, and barely got out, less than a month before the Childers' Backpacker fire (in which 15 people died in a very similar situation). I'd get nightmares and flashbacks from that which slowly decreased over a decade - but whereas I got out, in the dreams I never, ever did - then almost a decade later I accidentally caught on fire and suffered quite serious burns, after which the nightmares about the hotel returned, but not only did I not get out (and I know only too well what it is like to run through black smoke whilst shitting bricks) but now I'd also be on fire and I could feel it. I've obviously never failed to get out of a burning building, nor was I on fire in that incident, but now that is what happens every single time.

Our minds are marvelous things, but when they are scarred (and that is how I imagine PTSD), they can do some bloody awful things, we are in control of them however (not vice versa). We are not the products of our experiences, we are the product of our responses to our experiences and we are possibly fortunate in that we have the opportunity to learn from our experiences more than other people (one thing about this illness is that we have to look on the "bright side of life").

Welcome to the forum