Disclosure hasn't exactly gone well for me. I don't remember large chunks for my childhood, and am still not entire sure what happened. Something triggered (I guess it was a repressed memory?) this past March. My best friend and my supervisor (who is also a friend) at work knew something was up, but I wouldn't tell them anything. 3 weeks later, I just wanted to die, I wouldn'tve followed through with it, but I wished to die. I finally wrote about being sexually assulted and showed my supervisor. She dragged me to the school health center, where many strangers were in my face peppering me with questions and my supervisor left me there because she had to work (I get that it was a busy week and that she did have to leave, but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt).
I ended up talking to a social worker who was completely incompitent. She was telling me that I wasn't going to class and that I wasn't eating to try to hurt myself (I was going to class and it was hard to eat because my anxiety was so high and I was so naucious). She basically said I had to give her a reason to not call my parents and kept asking why I haddn't killed myself. I still don't know what she knew or not. She didn't know about the dissociation (which a different school social worker had identified). I wouldn't admit that I was suicidal because they would've sent me to the hospital, so they finally let me go. I went back to work and was sort of ok for a while. My supervisor was doing errands all day, so I didn't see her.
About an hour before I had to leave, the health center called and said I had an appointment with the same social worker again and they'd cancelled a previous appointment with another one, who I thought was way better. I was so flustered and overwhelmed I agreed, but when I tried to talk to my supervisor, she basically said suck it up and deal with it. About an hour later, I dissociated under a table. (A friend heloed me piece this part together). A different supervisor was getting in my face saying I had to get up or he'd call campus safety if I didn't. When my friend saw, they gave me my grounding tools and I was fine. So I got up to leave, my supervisor ran up to stop me since he was on the phone with public safety, then they pulled up in front of the building and I completely fell apart sobbing.
I knew they couldn't help me. I ended up in an office with a public safety officer, and the friend who had followed me out to the lobby (they didn't know what was going on, but they remained calm and were the one familiar and helpful person all day). The officer kept asking what I needed and I tried to explain that I just dissociated, but I was fine (which at this point was mostly true I haddn't panicked until they showed health center was closed but they made me talk to me dean, who I'd only met once before, and she was completely unhelpful (and later pressured me to disclose much more than I was comfortable doing especially since she has no legal confidentiality). They finally let me go after a while.
The whole incident has made it so much harder to trust anyone now. I am not good at advocating for myself especially in situations where the people helping are not equipped to help. I tried to tell my best friend what happened, but I couldn't tell her what started the whole thing, so it was hard to feel like she understood. It was really hard to go back to work afterwards, and my relationship with my supervisor has never really been the same.
I ended up talking to a social worker who was completely incompitent. She was telling me that I wasn't going to class and that I wasn't eating to try to hurt myself (I was going to class and it was hard to eat because my anxiety was so high and I was so naucious). She basically said I had to give her a reason to not call my parents and kept asking why I haddn't killed myself. I still don't know what she knew or not. She didn't know about the dissociation (which a different school social worker had identified). I wouldn't admit that I was suicidal because they would've sent me to the hospital, so they finally let me go. I went back to work and was sort of ok for a while. My supervisor was doing errands all day, so I didn't see her.
About an hour before I had to leave, the health center called and said I had an appointment with the same social worker again and they'd cancelled a previous appointment with another one, who I thought was way better. I was so flustered and overwhelmed I agreed, but when I tried to talk to my supervisor, she basically said suck it up and deal with it. About an hour later, I dissociated under a table. (A friend heloed me piece this part together). A different supervisor was getting in my face saying I had to get up or he'd call campus safety if I didn't. When my friend saw, they gave me my grounding tools and I was fine. So I got up to leave, my supervisor ran up to stop me since he was on the phone with public safety, then they pulled up in front of the building and I completely fell apart sobbing.
I knew they couldn't help me. I ended up in an office with a public safety officer, and the friend who had followed me out to the lobby (they didn't know what was going on, but they remained calm and were the one familiar and helpful person all day). The officer kept asking what I needed and I tried to explain that I just dissociated, but I was fine (which at this point was mostly true I haddn't panicked until they showed health center was closed but they made me talk to me dean, who I'd only met once before, and she was completely unhelpful (and later pressured me to disclose much more than I was comfortable doing especially since she has no legal confidentiality). They finally let me go after a while.
The whole incident has made it so much harder to trust anyone now. I am not good at advocating for myself especially in situations where the people helping are not equipped to help. I tried to tell my best friend what happened, but I couldn't tell her what started the whole thing, so it was hard to feel like she understood. It was really hard to go back to work afterwards, and my relationship with my supervisor has never really been the same.
