General Rough Patch

[sisu]

Venting.....

I am f**king pissed off today.....I HATE this ptsd that has taken my BF to a dark place. I HATE that he can only function in what he has to do and sleeps the rest of the time. I HATE that he cannot bring himself to talk to me now. I GET it....but I DON'T LIKE IT!!!

We don't live together, we live 25 minutes apart from each other. He doesn't get online very much at all...not email, not facebook, not anything. He does his school work on the computer but that is in excel or word. He only has a cell phone and does not answer it when he is like this so I don't even try. He doesn't text....doesn't like to and doesn't know how to very well. So....I haven't seen him since 1/28 and haven't talked to him since the evening of 2/2....and it SUCKS!! I want to go over there, but I don't think it would be a good idea either.....ptsd has too many rules. Don't talk to me now, I can't go there because it's too crowded, I'm not talking to anyone now, etc...

This isn't fair!! Am I stupid for sticking around?? Yes, maybe. I do love this man, but geez...why can't he just give me a bone when he is like this. A call or a text....just a hello. I HATE THE WAIT!! We are supposed to be in a f**king serious relationship. What kind of f**king relationship is this?!? I hate this 5% of my life.....when 95% he is awesome....that f**king 5% of the time when he is like this......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA <---me screaming!!!

Sorry....sometimes I need to get out what I cannot say out loud to him or anyone. I hope I didn't offend anyone.

 

[willis williams]

Because it is easier to hide right now. good luck. TEX

 

[NikkiNikki]

It does suck!!! I feel the exact same way as you do. Its really unfair.... :(

 

[Jimmy1]

Elizabeth, that is a choice you have to make.

I was always told it takes a very thick skinned, almost armour plated, person to be in a relationship with someone with PTSD.

My marriage was up and down for a lot of years, and then my ex decided to come on the PTSD program with me as a support person.
Once she learnt how rocky it would be she turned away and said good bye. I don't blame her either (sort of).
That was nearly 4 years ago.

Since then I have been in all sorts of relationships and all them just could not deal with the ups and downs, until I met Margaret. I was very hesitant at first and expected her to walk away. I suppose that is why I put a barrier up for a little while. But she deals with my moods, it annoys her most likely, but she loves me and wants to learn.

He is not going to change in the short term and might not even change at all. Not until he does lots of therapy and learns about the disorder more. Hearing it from you will just sound like nagging. He has to hear it from someone else.

I am being brutally honest here, but if you are not prepared for that 5% of down time, then you should just walk away.

The old saying, if you love something set it free, i can't remember the rest.

When his head is on a bit straighter, tell him up front that you cannot handle it. But if you truly love him and want to stand by your man, go find some therapy for yourself to enable you to handle these times, because sweety, they are not going to change in the near future.

Once again, I am not a qualified psychologist, or therapist.

Jimmy

 

[sisu]

Jimmy - I love how you always put the note about not being a psycologist or a therapist. You are pretty smart, maybe you should be.. LOL

Anyway, I am feeling much better. I just woke up frustrated about the whole thing and needed to get it out, but I am good now. I am a strong person mentally and I have a great support system of friends and family.

I'm gonna stick it out and talk to him on the other side of this episode. I have known this man for almost 4 years - we met May 2007. We dated from May 2007 and broke up early February 2008. He had a shut down in January 2008 - ....and I didn't understand what was happening. Then we lost contact - no calls, no texts, no email, no nothing. When he experienced an episode back then he pushed me away and I took it personally. I didn't understand what I do now. We reconnected May 2010 and casually saw each other off and on until September 2010. We became serious mid-September 2010 and up until now were fine. This the first shut down or whatever you call it that we haven't broken up and are surviving through it. I now know what it feels like and understand his side a little better too.

I really do love this man.

 

[sisu]

Starting Day 8. No verbal contact since Feb 2. I got an email on Feb 4 - but only 5-6 words and really said nothing. I'm mentally fine and moving forward with my life. But is still sucks because I miss my BF. How long will this last?? No one knows.....

 

[NikkiNikki]

Same boat hun....((hugs)) it does suck.

 

[willis williams]

Hang in there for your sanity. I know it sucks I was through a simelar thing with my X. She shut down really bad after her mom died in front of her a little case of PTSD. Our marriage was never the same after that. That is when she really started trying to find her self and was all freaked out about what her life had became and told me she needed she needed to decide if she liked me or not. I did all the work for her moms resting place and moved out of my on house so she could live with her father to support he in these bad times and still that wasn't good enough. When we were still together she was there but never home I think she was scared that she would die early and not accomplish anything. I was shut out for most of a year and I ended up with a lover which gave the reason to end it. I was tired of trying for someone that didn't know if she liked me. So I got a little of the carer side and a lot of the PTSD side.

 

[sisu]

I am sorry to hear that you went through this too Tex, but it probably makes you a little bit more aware of how your fiance' feels sometimes.

I gotta tell you ~ the picture of your little guy on your profile is soooo cute. I love those eyes. What is it you call him....frog? Link Removed

 

[willis williams]

Yes it does give me a glimps into the other side. Thankyou, he is very pretty, I normally wouldn't say my son was pretty but he is with those really blue eyes sandy blonde hair. He gets those eyes from his scottish great grandfather and his other great grandfather on my side cause both Seren and I have hazel eyes. He is Frog and his brother are rock and bear it is just a thing I do before they are born cause of dreams. When around other natives he goes by Clamiah I think is the spelling it is Sahalisha for frog. The new baby will either be wolf or a raven medicine clouds my dreams so not sure yet. Frog lived up to his name inside the belly he was hell on his mother and out he is a very active child jumping in on everything at 1 1/2 he is very indepent and he is very patient like a frog. I am not crazy all the way this must sound weired to you. Tex

 

[sisu]

Well it's done....the stories told here to me about when you were not in control of your ptsd have proven to be accurate for my BF or shall I say ex-BF. I am beating myself up for trusting him again....what is that saying...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Well shame on ME!! His meds only are not working....he needs therapy too.

He did put on a good show though. I am the one who wanted to keep it casual and fun. He is the one that wanted a relationship and told me he loved me first. He also said that he was afraid to get hurt. I guess he doesn't mind hurting other people ~ just concerned about himself. I wish I could have seen this all more clearly.

He said in an EMAIL yesterday, not in person..... "I do not think we should be romantically linked--I have thought hard about this, I just can't. I promise closure--it is not you at all. It is my non-ability to deal with stress and love. What days do you not have the kids next week?"

I think he is accurate in his email but I think he is also in a bad place right now too. I was hoping to be able to talk to him after this episode about therapy and what it can do for him. Not much I can do now, I cannot control him as it is his issue to deal with. And since he does not want to get the appropriate help to manage his ptsd, he is in for a rough ride as are any women in his path.

 

[NikkiNikki]

I hate that, I'm sorry Elizabeth. My BF broke up with me the same way, via email. Which is just not like him at all. He is just not the type of person to break up with someone via email. Told me he truly did love me and never said it once when he didn't mean it, but that he was not ready to be in a relationship & had too many issues he needed to deal with. Our entire relationship he was the one who made so many promises and said he would never do anything to make me regret loving him, would never hurt me,said that we were meant to be, that he wanted to move in with, marry me, etc....all thrown away by him.

I saw a quote yesterday that really stuck with me with whats going on right now-
"If you have done the best you can do and if you have gotten all you could extract from something --you have given all you had to give, then the time has come when you can do no more than say thank you and move on"

That is how I personally feel. I have done all I know to do. I have made it very clear I love him, want to be with him, and that I am here for him. That's all I can do. I am going to leave him alone, move on with my life, and if it was meant to be he will come back. If he doesn't come back, well then it is his loss & I can just hope he will find peace & seek help for his PTSD.