S & M - Its Relationship To PTSD?

[Dylan]

I took a human sexuality class that covered this topic in some depth. The trend appears to be more those individuals who were neglected more than actively abused; although, I did take this class years ago, so studies may reflect something else/more now...

-Dylan

 

[Perspective11]

Interesting that you point this out. I took a Human Sexuality class during this last year, and even though the topic was in the textbook, it wasn't discussed at all in class. I've been involved in this lifestyle for a long time and it makes more sense to me that it comes from the neglected part than the physical part... if it did have anything to do with my past. I'm not saying that it did or it didn't - just makes more sense to me personally this way.

It comes down to a personal choice as to why someone would do this. I'm not saying its a good choice or a bad choice - but a personal choice.

 

[his_swallow]

As someone who has dabbled lightly in BDSM (none of the pain stuff) and domination and submission, I have found that nearly every woman I have met and discussed their past with has been abused in some fashion. That of course leads me to believe that they are willing to be, in some cases totally mistreated because there is some measure of comfort in the familiar and because they are "consenting" to it, they seem to deem that it is okay. I call my BF Daddy a fair amount but we don't do age play - it is a comfort thing for me for some reason. Someday, when I am brave I will ask my therapist about it. We do have a partial D/s relationship but it is very very mild and usually only sexual. There is no pain involved and never anything done without my consent. Probably too much information but there you have it. :wink:

 

[ghost]

"Tomato" is definitely a better safe word than "carrot", or "cucumber". Both of which are open to misinterpretation...

I know this guy whose safe word was "pineapple" - he ended up in the intensive care unit at Royal Perth Hospital...

Two years on and he still has to use one of those inflatable doughnut cushions when sits down.

Exercise caution people :naughty:

 

[ams]

I don't remember much, but I know I was somewhat interested in the whole bdsm stuff as a teenager. The control play. I wasn't even having sex until 18, and was raped at 18 by someone who was getting me into that kind of stuff, but was easing me into it. Someone I trusted. Since then, it's been nothing but confusion.

It still peaks my interest, but after being raped twice by people I know/trust, I won't even try it in person.

I don't think I was physically abused as a kid, but I know I was neglected, which correlates with what was mentioned earlier (having it relate to neglect and not so much abuse).

 

[This Ends Now]

Interesting thread. IMO there more danger in people with PTSD getting involved in BDSM since there are can be such a fine line between "play" and abuse. Sometimes even with the healthiest people that line can get blurry.

In "healthy" S&M play the sub is the one who actually has all the power and control... to state what is allowed and not... how far to go... when to stop... etc. The "dom" is usually just assisting the sub in allowing a psychological and physical release of control which the sub usually has too much of in real life.

Of course not all relationships are "healthy". Yes "real" sadism exists and that is where the abuse comes in. For actual sadists it is not a game or a lifestyle choice... it is more of a compulsion. Actual sadists do prey on people who have been hurt, abused, neglected, etc. It is very sad that that element of life exists and I think that we need to be careful to avoid re-traumatizing ourselves. I am no expert... just wanted to throw my 2 cents in.

 

[Fortress]

"In "healthy" S&M play the sub is the one who actually has all the power and control... to state what is allowed and not... how far to go... when to stop... etc. The "dom" is usually just assisting the sub in allowing a psychological and physical release of control which the sub usually has too much of in real life. "

I dabble in BDSM, and I think this sums it up nicely. People with PTSD are probably more likely to have control issues of some kind, which may lead to fantasies that allow them to explore the extremes of control (or lack thereof). I wouldn't say it's such a direct causal relationship as "I'm used to being treated badly, so I like to be hurt now." As others have mentioned, enjoying the submission requires a LOT of trust and safe feelings. Personally, I think I enjoy it because I always have to feel in control to manage my anxiety, so it's VERY cathartic (and therefore pleasurable) to feel safe enough to let go that much.

Can BDSM trigger people with PTSD? Sure, but so can "regular" sex. Can it cause PTSD? I really doubt it in a healthy M/S relationship that has established boundaries based on mutual trust.

 

[Mina]

Well said, Fortress.

 

[2notbedefeated]

I appreciate the candid and honest discussion of this whole area. I am struggling and trying just to reach out for un derstanding in these areas, I guess.

I hope this post does not upset anyone or cause problems, but I just had to say that I appreciate this discussion because currently I am struggling through all this in my therapy. I find it weird that I would fear sex with my husband and yet want to have these S** behaviors forced on me in fantasy only.

I am frustrated that when I try to have sex with my husband it stirs up flashbacks of when I was abused as a very young child, Usually I will dissociate big time during these activities, and yet I have these sexual fantasies, being torture,d etc. at another time. It is so confusing.

This past week I opened up to my therapist for the very first about some of these S & M thoughts, fantasies, feelings, behaviors, inside me. I struggle with a huge amount of shame and confusion over trying to sort through soime of this stuff.

I never understood why I would have some of these rape, torture, etc. fantasies, dreams, etc., as a teenager. Growing up in a Christian home I felt so torn between my thoughts, behaviors and fantasies and the Christian life I was living and expected to live. Huge conflict and confusion.

In the past two years I started "unexpectedly" having a flood of memories of past child abuse I experienced as a 5-7 year old by a peodophile. He was definitely this way. He took it upon himself to "teach" me life lessons that I would need when I grew up. He proceeded to inflict pain on me and insist that I learn to like it.

I don't know if it is good for me to share this here or not, but I am just trying to sort through the craziness of stuff I am going through in these areas right now.

He would also molest me and use pain and pleasure in the sexual act. He proceeded to teach me to love pain, and to accept that the both go together. The more pain you could enjoy meant your pleasure would be heightened. He would force me to say, "Thank you (his name) that you always make me feel good".

Whether it was real pain or real pleasure I still had to say the same thing, but then he would change the rules on me, and when I would say the above written statement, he would say, "Oh, now I know your lying because I know that hurt you, and then he would "punished" for "lying".

I struggle with self-injurious behaviors alot and seem to confuse these two physcial sensations. Sometimes pain feels pleasurable and sometimes I want to feel the pain as pain. I also think I just self-injury because it seems to be an easy, simple, quick way to deal with all the confusion I have in these areas.

Can anyone relate to the confusion and frustration of trying to sort through all these issues? Thanks for those who have shared candidly and honestly in the prior posts.

 

[cragger65]

I agree with Fortress. I think when properly engaged in, it can be pleasurable and even cathartic for both parties. I think it's a question of finding someone you feel safe with, and can trust to respect your bounderies and limits. I have had S&M fantasies on and off since I was 13, and they didn't stem from abuse... it's just a kink, a turn-on, a sexual preference. Some people like watered down tea, some people like expresso. One should never involve themselves with someone who doesn't understand, agree with, and respect that. Period.

just my 2 cents

 

[Badger]

One persons pain can be another persons pleasure. Some of those whips, like leather floggers actually feel good to me, like a heavy massage. I'm the supporter in the relationship, not the PTSD sufferer. I have sensory processing disorder, so I simply crave heavy touch. I am also the submissive (our rule is he has to lead with touching) and that gives him the opportunity to control the situation, which he couldnt when he was 6. It avoids triggering him and it satisfies me. I think its a handy tool if its used considerately. Humiliating people on the other hand, not so nice.

 

[Only 1 of me]

I find this an interesting thread. I have little or no sexual function day to day. Never really known what it's like to fancy someone or to feel sexual attraction. And yet.... The bdsm stuff sets something off in me which makes me feel confused. I've mostly steered clear as Ive worried that my attraction to the idea is unhealthy and rooted in my abusive history, I also worry about the situations I might find myself in and my safety in those situations. Interesting to hear others puzzling around the same issue, thanks.