Say the words i want to say or make eye contact?

[Rose White]

I realized that when i have "hard" stuff to say, like talking about embarrassing or shame-inducing stuff, I won't look at her and my affect goes flat. However, later I think, "What if I had looked at her when I said that?" When I speak to her with eye contact it is so much harder to speak, but it's more meaningful, so I might say less and it might hurt more (or heal more?). I am just pondering if I should try really really hard to make the eye contact. I think yes. Unless I want to say something really badly that I cant look, then I should try to look again after I say it. I think. I guess I should be okay with myself either way. If I make eye contact I should be proud of myself and if I don't I can challenge myself to try it more and also think, I'm glad I was able to say all that stuff.

 

[Lamename01234]

This came up for me too in a different way.
My regular T never requires eye contact. I can look at her for a bit in the beginning, then my eyes wander off the rest of the session. I glance here and there but mostly stare at her shoes. I can talk about stuff but never looking in the face.
Then I started with a Somatic Experencing T this month in addition to my regular T because I have felt stuck and always leaving in a dissociated state. Somatic T requires eye contact when talking and we may talk for a minute or two then she will say: 'take a break and let your eyes wander'. Then we chit chat or sometimes it is quiet and then we transition back to talking again with eye contact, then break, let eyes wander....cycle. After this third session I am getting it. Every time I look at her she has a big smile. She prompts with: 'look at me' if I am talking and my eyes wander. The breaks help and short talking cycles.
It is a different experience.

 

[Rose White]

Somatic Experiencing therapy sounds intriguing. I noticed that when I was "saying the words I wanted to say" (flat affect but lots of important things) my body was tight and my toes were curled down--everything was tense. I know that I, myself, can learn to be aware of the tension and unlock my own muscles, but it would be nice if the therapist could notice and help me with the body stuff. I like how yours says, "Now take a break," and then returns to it, which makes you feel stronger.

So many different kinds of therapy! Of course I love my therapist and believe, know, she is helping me. I just hope that I can allow myself to experience all modes of healing in time.

I just found a book preview called "The Chiron Approach" which sounds like what you are talking about. I didn't realize that on a very basic level, eye contact is a form of body work. When I just "say the words" it's like I am taking a purely cognitive approach, which was always rewarded in my family, however my tense muscles reveal my body's repression of emotional feelings.