I don't know how useful can I be to you, I was trying to overcome the issue for months and I'm still struggling with it. It's what you said - the though of it made me feel disgusted and dirty. I found small things most helpful, taking care of yourself. It might be a wax or a shave, new shower gel for intimate area, a routine that will make you feel comfortable but yet different, in order to show to yourself that your body DESERVES to take pleasure of the small things. You might not find it immediately, but don't give up on yourself. I found that in order to be able to receive pleasure from the others, you first have to learn how to pleasure yourself. I felt ashamed and embarrassed at the beginning, more like a schoolgirl caught in the act, and it is not working immediately like a miracle cure, but it's gonna let you slowly start to heal. And when you are comfortable with yourself, try to find pleasure in the small acts, allow your husband to give you pleasure. Don't jump into sex too early, kisses on the neck and a hug from behind that makes you feel aroused is a huge success, don't ever let yourself down for not being able to go further. Instead, be proud of yourself and what you've accomplish. Don't force yourself in order to please him, discover what you like and don't and let him know, probably they are things that you will never feel comfortable, discuss them with him and allow yourself to sometimes take pleasure without giving anything in return. I sincerely hope that you will find out how amazing overcoming your past makes you and that you deserve to be well, treated well and not feeling guilt about it.
