Scared Of Seeking Help

[Demonic charity]

I am going to my family doctor tomorrow. I had to leave work because I almost passed out during a panic attack. I had taken a week off and scheduled a VA appointment for as soon as possible. But 2 weeks ago they only had one for me that is now 2 weeks away still. I have had a ramp up in nightmares and I have violent thoughts alot but I know right from wrong and don't act on them. But it seems almost to easy to just let go. I have had suicidal thoughts before. But not in the past few weeks. I can't bring myself to do anything or leave the house. My anxiety is through the roof and I have had a few panic attacks in just 2 days. I know I need help. And I want help. I just can't afford a trip to the emergency room. And it all turned worse late Friday night at work. Now I have to get the doc to fill out paperwork to get me put on extended leave and I have to payout for a copay that I can barely afford. I had 3 panic attacks since Friday night. And it's monday. I have only left my house 1 time. I am scared to go to the doctor due to the fact that I don't want to be admitted to a hospital or anything. I wish I could go to the VA tomorrow. But they would refer me to the hospital as well. I just want help. And I'm scared to death right now honestly. I don't want to be ignored by the doctor. But I don't want to be thrown into a padded room either. This is ruining my life. Family, friends, work, me. I just wish I could handle it alone. But that is what got me here in the first place. Tomorrow can't come fast enough. But at the same time. It isn't far enough away.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

Hey...I'm not at a stage myself where I can share wisdom on what to do in your situation, nor do I understand the system of help in the US. But I know you're scared and worried. I know what that feels like, I know you're checking back here in hopes that someone has said something that can change everything.....I wish it was, but that person isn't me, I'm a really good listener though. And although I have my own troubles, I have big shoulders and I hope if anything by listening it helps.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Hey I have been to the emergency room before and I didn't end up in a padded room just explain to the doc that you're having serious anxiety and panic attacks that's all. Also some VA's have someone who may drive to your home and pick you up depending on the state. I know I was offered such a service before. You could give your local VA OIF/OEF coordinator a call and ask about transportation if you're not too far out. Just a suggestion.
Anxiety is a mfer. I wish I knew the cure for it but despite all the breathing techniques, like: In 2,3,4 hold, 2,3,4,out through mouth 2,3,4, hold 2,3,4 repeat. I am even taking L-THEANINE capsules which is a dietary supplement found in green tea for a "calm mind." But every day is a battle of anxiety for me as well. Best of luck we tend to over think scenario's etc an think the worse will occur.

As for the intrusive thoughts, they're only thoughts not actions it's our personal responsibility to treat them as such.
They come and go. Let them pass.

 

[JarHed]

Hey DC,

It's a tough place that you're at. Fear is an awful thing that can be a negative motivator. Sometimes you just have to take it minute by minute till you can get through that. The other thing is the control factor; wanting to do something but not knowing what it is that they can do for you. You have to take care of yourself. If you were hurt bad you'd probably not be as apprehensive about going to the hospital. The thing is is that you're kinda' in that place and need the help. Try not to worry about all the factors, just do one thing at a time. First, take care of yourself. Sometimes just doing the most direct thing can be a big help. This is a good place, people here care.

Jar

 

[CyclePath]

Yeah man, I was having 3 or 4 a week myself and I was worried about the padded room too. I even thought that I might be having a heart attack a few times. I told my therapist about them and she smiled at me and told me that I was having a normal reaction to atypical experiences. Hearing that from her was huge for me. When they happen I do my best to take control of them by keeping my eyes open, breathing (like mannon said above), envisioning a happy place or thoughts, and relaxing my shoulders/back/legs/arms... For me it's family property in the mountains. I picture the hills, the deer, the birds, grass, creeks, and smell the air, hear the birds, etc... It works. You can get a ptsd app for your phone/computer that can talk you through it. Good luck.

 

[vikingr24]

Manonfire has a good handle on panic attacks. I frequently have had them and still do. Medication like benzodiazipams (Lorazepam, Xanax, etc.) do work but they are really addicting. I have been through that. Not fun. I still think they work pretty well. But deep breathing according to studies can be just as helpful. I consider it better. Learn the count, as Manonfire describes. Just the act of counting relieves some of that panic. But get oxygen to your brain. When you have an attack, oxygen is being burned at a high rate. And you have a "warrior's posture" -- raised shoulders, wide eyes, shallow breathing. It's fear response that gets ready for battle.

You are not in a battle anymore. Just say that to yourself over and over when you see the onset of panic. I am not being shot at. I am OK. There is no one going to kill me. And then breath, slowly with intent. Empty your mind. Relax. You are OK.

That tunnel vision will eventually go away.

We are on your side, my friend.

Remember, it is the law in the US that if you have an emergency, the hospital must treat you. Work with the VA to get help for such emergencies. They will only confine you if they feel you are a danger to yourself or others.

But work on these techniques so you don't need a hospital. and if you end up in trouble, call the VA hotline. I have. They are getting better at this. At least you have someone to talk to.....Charlie Mike.

https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/ 1-800- 273-8255, press 1

 

[Demonic charity]

I hate doctors. I had my wife take me to our regular doctor. She basically wrote me off and told me I was going to lose my job and she just wrote me a prescription for shit that didn't work for me in the past even after I told her that. She was ugly to me and my wife and treated us pretty aweful. I cant even leave the house without having a panic attack. I dont need to go to work because of where i work and what i do. She told me she wouldnt excuse me from work anymore than i already missed which was 3 days. So in a panic and completely blowing up my wife rushed me to the VA clinic. They actually got me in to see someone. It didn't help that much. But it was a start. I am sick of going to places seeking help and not getting it. I have another appointment next Wednesday I think it is at the VA. Maybe this Wednesday which is tomorrow. I need to look. The VA doc told me to just try to hold on til I come in again and that I need to be on medication in a bad way. So he set me up an appointment with the meds doc as well. Psychiatrist I think it is. Omfg. I'm so f*cking mad. And I'm so scared as well. I have enough problems with seeking help as it is. I am a very strong and proud person and have trouble admitting I need help with anything. Let alone not being able to handle something. But to be treated like some drug addiction or like I am making shit up to take a f*cking vacation makes me even more pissed and not want to go get help. I wish it would all just end. Just go away. Just stop. Maybe it will soon. I don't know what kind of response I am expecting on here. I'm sitting here with a headache from the stress. My head is spinning and the only thing I can think of while I am sitting on my couch looking out my window is bashing my head through it just to feel something different than what I am now. Does anyone else have these issues? Or am I as alone as I feel. Because Noone I can talk to understands. And the people I have around me, it just scares them.

 

[CyclePath]

I get it. I just started seeing a therapist (psychologist) seven weeks ago and I felt pretty much the same as you do right now before I seen her for the first time. Seemed like a year waiting to see her and my brain felt like it was literally spinning. Like it was twisting around like a kaleidoscope. Talking to her was a huge step for me as well, but she totally understood my situation and that made me feel much better. You are not alone. She got me in to see a psychiatrist within a week and he got me some meds that are really helping me out now. I did not resist them at all because I knew that I needed some relief somehow and fast. You'll have to make that decision yourself, but I'll tell you that for me, right now, I like them. I can sleep at night, I don't feel like breaking shit all day long, and I can live with myself. At this point, seven weeks later, I am able to look to the future with some hope. You've got to hang in there. We owe it to ourselves, our families, and to those that don't have an option anymore.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Def not alone, there are many here who have been through what you are going through right now.
I know I felt the same way with medications and even though they made me not give a shit, I am now
working towards natural methods. BUT I started on med's especially during this time you're at now.
Their judgement's are their own issues its unfortunate that some doctors an staff can be assholes.
Especially when they're "attempting" to treat something they cannot physically see. But that seems
to be the nature of the beast.

But it's a shitty deal imo. Because not only is it dangerous but it could increase suicidal thoughts, so
be weary of that in case you experience it. They should start you on a low dosage and gradually increase it.
The same method is used when coming off them, slowly decreasing milligrams. It's difficult for me to
recommend anyone to go on medication because of the research on it being completely unproven major
drug business. But it's legal. So you have the choice, but if you do others have too just do what you gotta do.
Damn spitting hot fire up in here. Best of luck.

 

[Grizzly]

@Demonic charity I can't say anymore than what already been said in this thread. Take head...Most of us have been in the same place.

The first which you may obviously know is get some meds to stabilize these panic attacks. Then immerse yourself in therapy Bro. It's the only thing that is going to teach you the skill set to deal with this.

As for your job...Go to you human resources department and get FMLA paperwork. Fill out your portion and then have your VA health care provider fill out their portion and submit that riki-tik! This could at least preserve your job legally. If you have been given a diagnosis of GAD or PTSD or whatever, tell your HR manager. This then becomes an ADA deal. But at least it could help save your job and give you a small piece of mind.

I am scared to go to the doctor due to the fact that I don't want to be admitted to a hospital or anything.

This usually only happens when you want it to happen or when they think you are a threat to you or others.

 

[Demonic charity]

I was diagnosed with ptsd back in 2012 and then by the VA doc in 2013. I am submitting my FMLA form tomorrow. I appreciate the advice on that stuff. I am just trying to get a grip on things. I just can't even think straight right now. My wife is trying to help me. I know she is stretched thin with it all right now as well. But she is helping me. I know that she wants to help but she doesn't want to hear about things. She wants me to get help. If that makes sense. I can't think right now. I'll be back on later. Thank you all for your support and advice/thoughts.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

D.C.
There are some things you can do on your own when things stack up. Keep in mind that although there is no cure, there are many things that can help.
*Find a quiet place
*Sit in a comfortable chair with your feet on the floor and back straight
*BREATH slowly and deeply
*Listen and think of nothing but your breath
*If your mind wanders don't worry about it. Just focus on getting back to your breathing and consentration.

It's called meditation, and the first time I was asked to try it I thought. "Are they kidding? I don't need this bullshit". But, the bullshit works, and I still do it every day.

Good luck my Brother. Never stop believing that life is still worth while. You still have much to live for.

SD