Scared Of Taking Medication

[Pinky]

A little over a year ago I started seeing a therapist. After my third miscarriage I wanted surgical birth control but my insurance said I needed counseling first. I chose a therapist because I knew they can't do meds, they can only talk.
Medication is one of my issues.
Not only am I an addict (clean 14 years, sober 7 years) but my mother was an addict who could never clean up. She was diagnosed with Lupus and her med list was longer then her arm. She had the whole drug list to choose from for self medicating and she took full advantage until she died of an overdose 7 years ago.
I'm so very afraid to start meds. One day I think I can this, it's not so bad. The next day I scream and shout for no reason and then I get so depressed I can't talk without crying. I can't sleep (the nightmares have been there so long I don't even see them as nightmares anymore), I can't relax and I can't stop worrying about everything.

I recently saw a neurologist or chronic body pain (checking for spinal deformities) and was told very blatantly that my pain is all from anxiety and depression.

I need medication and it's also one of my biggest fears.

I try to explain to people but they just don't get it. I'm literally terrified of meds. They seem to get offended because it seems like everyone in on medication for something. I feel like I'm telling people I was raped and I'm scared of sex and people are responding with "Just go have sex, it will be great."

 

[Deleted member 541]

While I do see your side of things, and can emphasize with you.....You are letting the *fear* take over, and letting fear run you.......It has now become unhealthy for you, and you really need a way to overcome this....

Suppose you were diagnosed next month with some horrible case of cancer, and you had to go through Chemotherapy.....The Chemo caused you all sorts of unpleasant side effects including some that caused you a great deal of pain or discomfort.......Would you try to just deal with this as it comes, having your body and mind beat down further from the pain, or would you at least be willing under medical supervision to alleviate some of your suffering?????

The medication that you would most likely be given in an Anti Depressant.....I seriously doubt that any responsible Dr that knows of your addiction would give you benzo's......AD's are a totally different class of drugs....

Please try and talk to your therapist/dr/clergy person or whomever about this....If you need the meds short term, than you may need them......Don't drive yourself nuts over this.....You are aware of your addictive traits. You are clean and sober, so IMO that is 90% of the battle...

BTW....Great job on being clean and sober.......

 

[cragger65]

I agree with Wendy, congratulations on battling your addictions. I know first hand just how hard that is, and how easy it is to backslide. But you have to have faith in yourself for what you HAVE accomplished, rather than doubt yourself for what you fear MIGHT happen. I am on anti-depressants and an anti-psychotic myself, and I can say without question, it's not a "high".

The anti-depressant to avoid, IMO is Effexor. I am on it, and it is incredibly hard to get off of. From talking to others, this is much less of an issure with other AD's. I have been where you are, crying all the time, etc, and still have my days, but I think it would be worse without meds. Maybe a mood stabilizer would help take the edge off? I have been told to think of it the same as a diabetic taking insulin - a necessary intervention once things reach a certain point of imbalance. Tough decision given your history and experiences, I know, but maybe it's worth giving it a chance considering where you are at at the present time. A year from now, maybe you don't need it anymore, who knows?

Take care of yourself,
Dave

 

[tryintobreathe]

Pinky,

I very much understand your fear of medication. I am an addict and have been clean for over 5 1/2 years. Pain pills were my drug of choice but I would take anything. I only take something to help me sleep at night now but I've been on all kinds of things in the past. I have a surgery that I have been postponing for 3 years now due to my fear of having to take pain meds after. I don't know if that helped, but I just want you to know I understand!

{{{{hugs}}}}

Jen

 

[This Ends Now]

Pinky,

Mad props on staying clean and sober! I am doing the recovery thing too so I know it is hard. :Hug_emoticon:

Even if medication was not a trigger for you it would still be wise to exercise caution when accepting them. Many medications have horrible side effects that are not fully understood yet. Also, everybody has a different reaction to medication so what works for one person might completely backfire for another. It can take many tries to get the right prescription so I would strongly recommend keeping a journal to track your symptoms and the side effects of any medication you are prescribed. Having a journal that documents exactly what is going on can help your doctor get things right. Another thing that has helped for me is to get one of those 7 day pill organizers (yeah, like the little old ladies have) and measure out my medication in advance. That way I do not run the risk of skipping a dose or taking two doses at once. As long as I am able to be careful and take my medication exactly as prescribed I am relatively safe from addiction. I have also noticed that the medications from the doctor have reduced my cravings for alcohol and other drugs so I no longer self medicate. I also wanted to add that the correct medication does not make you "high" it just makes you feel "normal". Normal might feel strange at first because you are so accustomed to pain but you will get used to it in time.

I agree with Cragger65 that Effexor is miserable. I had horrible (even by my standards) full sensory nightmares and woke up screaming several times a night while on it then got severely depressed when coming off it. Not everybody has the same reaction but that was my experience.

She Cat is correct that AntiDepressents (such as Prozac) are very different from sedatives such as Xanax or Valum. Be sure to communicate your concerns with the doctor before he wrights out the prescription.

I wish you the best and hope to hear about your progress soon!

Liz H.

PS: TryingToBreathe, great job on getting sober and staying sober! Please don't put off an important operation because of fear of pain medication though. There are many non-opiate alternatives that are much less addictive (I used neural blockers after my surgery b/c I hate opiates). I hope all goes well for you. :Hug_emoticon:

 

[suzie q]

Hey Pinky... Thanks so much for sharing what's happening with you. Welcome to the forum and know that most of us have experienced your feelings of anxiety.

I'm an alcoholic/addict and have been clean and sober for 13 years. The length of time doesn't really matter, because I know I am only one drink or drug from being right where I was before. I have PTSD, and several other mental disorders that are being treated with medication.

In the beginning of my sobriety, I felt exactly like you did about taking any "mood altering drugs". I loved to be numb. I was afraid that my addiction would return with a vengeance but felt so out of control of my life. I was depressed all the time, going through disassociation, riding the up/down roller coaster, feeling extreme anxiety over the least little thing, etc.... I knew something was wrong with me but didn't know what. I had been to several therapists and had conflicting diagnosis. After I decided to work on my addictions, my feelings came to me like a wall of water 100' high. I was back and forth, back and forth.

A friend at one of the meetings said that it wasn't the substances that you partake in making you an addict, it is the consequences you gain while using. I knew I had no control over medications that made me high, like valium, xanax, muscle relaxers, speed. Finally I began to understand what my friend meant by his statement. When I told the physicians who were giving me the meds I was an addict, they had plenty of alternatives that were non addictive. Some meds in the beginning had to be controlled by a friend or my spouse. Taking what was prescribed and only for short periods of time, I managed to go through without any withdrawal or triggering of my addictions.

Over time, I am currently on 4 different meds. They have made such a huge difference in how I live and see my life. I don't use them to diss from the world, they help me participate in life. It is good for you to be frightened about drug use. You have a history and your mom did as well. That is a healthy fear, just don't let it cause you to not live your life to the fullest. As you know, there is a big difference between getting high and taking meds as prescribed. Educate yourself on the meds and know that you are NOT your mother. Addiction kills a lot of us, but if we are aware and have a program, we have a daily repreive. Hang in there one day then one day then... :thumbs-up

 

[onebravegirl]

Hi Pinky,
It sounds like you know on some level that this is an irrational fear. Remind yourself that we only fear what we do not understand. The fear is a thought. You are in control if you choose to be. It may help you to inform yourself of just what Meds the Doc has in mind. Find out what your Doc philosophy on the meds are. Beware of anyone saying that you need a lot right away or that you will need them for life. Sadly some Doctors over medicate to make their jobs easier. But if you have a responsible Doctor who is interested in your well being, remind yourself of that. Some medications are more addictive that others. Make sure you doctor knows if you have an addictive personality. Some drugs have a long staying effect, others for anxiety, only last a few hours. Also make sure you are informed of side effects.
I agree with you that Therapy is the very best way to go. But to have therapy you have to be able to articulate your thoughts. For you to do that you have to be getting the rest you need. If a small dose of something can help you travel a little easier for a time, I say consider it.
In therapy the goal is to eventually face your fears. This may be a good opportunity to establish a greater trust in your therapist.
I wish you all the very best!
O