I suppose she could have OCD. If that is the case then I would have zero judgements about it. She could have something else too, as I have witnessed many different states, and personalities emerge. It's hard to deal with when I am the one being harassed and beaten down for being respectful. I gave up on the Psychiatrist as well, sadly. She told me that sensitivity to perceived criticizim is my problem and basically told me that she thinks the workers are just fine. I actually think that they aren't helping anyone with this arrogance. I know two other abused women that went through their program and found it to be a nightmare. Knowing I am not alone with having a bad experience dealing with their team is helpful. They all seem to support each others behaviours and attack the patient no matter what. I do not enjoy professionals that use gaslighting and make symptoms worse. I wrote a letter to the psychiatrist about how people can have feelings such as sadness for normal reasons like getting verbally abused. It does not mean you need a giant case of Prozac if you tear up once in a while. It is healthy to cry. I am also going to write a couple of other letters to governing bodies. It will most likely fall on deaf ears, as they have heard it all before. It's a tragedy, as I know I'm not the only one that was dehumanized. I explained to the gaslighting psychiatrist that my abuser has used a mental hospital against me in the past to make himself look like the victim. The nurses were too gullible and listened to everything this narcissistic pig told them and held me against my will longer despite my pleas to be heard and understood. A good nurse ended up advocating for me and got me out eventually after confinement. These people are terrifying due to their disdain for all of the patients and their ignorance of how abuse works. The psychiatrist seems to crumble when I tell her of this and her breathing changes. I think deep down inside she knows they were in the wrong, but might be afraid of the truth, so she makes creative excuses.
It's too bad we live in a sad world where bad behaviour seems to be rewarded and responsibility is no longer sacred. I just take comfort in knowing it is not just me that got hurt by this government mental health system. I have the flu now, but I'm going to take action to help myself and get a professional properly trained psychotherapist when I recover. I know what to do and I'm not going to let them beat me down. It is hard and unjust, but that is life. I will be angry for a while, but it is a process to forgive sometimes.
