School Disability Accommodation

[TTC18]

Yes, that is true. I try to stand up once or twice or three times or four times - and then just quit when I don't feel like I can win. But how do normal people behave? I mean - I've gone all the way to the top (manager, business owner, etc) when it was something I felt really strongly about, and I've also just quit after a few tries.
In this case, I don't think I'd be supported if I were able to 'win' on this issue, so I quit. When I thought it was just the accommodations guy, I went to my advisor. Yeah - I could go to the Dean - ask for a new advisor, ask for more accommodations, cause a fuss... but yuck. Conflict - and to no good purpose.
I definitely see a pattern there, and the WANTING to quit after making a half-hearted effort is 100% an issue with me. I struggled to force myself to ask my advisor if there was someone I could talk to about accommodations. Struggled to contact the accommodations department... and actually making an appt to talk to the guy on the phone? That was like climbing a mountain for me. And then, after the call, letting my advisor know what had happened instead of just dropping and walking away - was really really difficult. I just reached the point where I didn't see the benefits outweighing the pain/stress.

 

[TTC18]

You only have 2 classes left but want to transfer?

No - I was planning to take 2 classes this semester. I have lots of classes left.

 

[EveHarrington]

Gotcha.

Can I ask what kind of school this is?

2 year? Public university? Private school?

 

[TTC18]

Private University. Master's degree program. I've gotten my BA through the same school, and half the credits for the MA program. Dean's list, etc all the way through.

 

[EveHarrington]

Hmm. I know all schools have to abide by federal regulations, but unfortunately each does so in their own way. I had better luck with public schools as opposed to private schools.

Transferring can be not fun and you can lose credits, so it’s worth it to give it another try I think.

I also think that there may be less flexibility for certain types of accommodations at the master’s level given that its demands are at the next level so to speak.

 

[FauxLiz]

As a resource for determining what accommodations you might be eligible for you can look at the job accommodation network site askjan.org

 

[joeylittle]

Common accommodations for mental health that my university does....

Extra time: this can be on assignments, and/or tests.

Latitude with attendance policy: Understanding that student may have unexpected/sudden need to see doctor, and not penalizing for that. Make class materials available so student does not get behind as a result.

Latitude on leaving/re-entering classroom: understanding student may need to excuse themselves for 15-20 minutes and then return; expectation is, teacher will fill student in on what they missed.

Something like having anxiety around working in groups - that might be addressed by extra time, but it is very unlikely that anyone would suggest (or support) making it so you didn’t have to work in a group. That’s restructuring currriculum, and that won’t be dictated by the accommodations office, so long as the assignments conform to university policy in re: access and discrimination.

You can always ask the teacher....but honestly, I wouldn’t expect them to make that kind of adjustment.

I think you got some really tactless treatment from the accommodations officer and your advisor, definitely. If you can try and separate their attitudes from the information they were giving you - I think they were not off base in telling you that you might need to take a semester off, but that’s only if you presented not working in groups as “I just can’t handle working in groups”.

Can you think about ways you might be able to support yourself through the working in groups thing?

 

[IceQueencop]

Tryingtocope: I’m sorry you are going through this. I recently had to advocate for accommodations for myself, and I totally get how upsetting and mentally draining the process is. You might try finding an advocacy group in your area such as PACER, or a disability law center to help you advocate for what you need. I ended up hiring an attorney to help me advocate for what I needed to be successful. Most people don’t understand PTSD, and don’t have the foggiest idea of what you are capable of, or not.
A colleague (with PTSD) is starting back to school, and has been assigned a helper to accompany him to class at least until they all know he won’t “freak out.”
Talk with your therapist and your psych doctor, come up with a plan about how to proceed with your education and an approach to the group work. Maybe you can get someone assigned to shadow you, or at least support you in the group. I have also seen support dogs in class, but that may not be any use to you.
If you feel you are regularly being undermined by a particular person in a group, you should take that up with your professor to see if maybe even switching groups would be helpful to you.
Again, so sorry you are going through this. Keep advocating for yourself, though. You know best what you need and what you can handle.
Best,
IQC

 

[TTC18]

Thanks, everyone. @joeylittle - not all classes require groups, and not all teachers do. Just happens that the 2 classes/teachers I have to take at this point in my program do, lol. At the same university, I've taken made-up classes in individual study with the head of a program when a needed credit wasn't available, so I know they're flexible. Dealing with other people in a one-to-one setting for more than a second is draining for me. I can post in forums, sure. But in a group, individual work has to be assigned - and then everyone has to do their part, and often there's this bit where you have to ask other people for their part so you can do your part. And asking for something is like pulling teeth for me. And in all of my experience in groups, there is always someone who ignores you, or who puts you off, or who is generally a jerk. And when someone's a jerk, I get this whole huge inner conflict. First instinct is to bow my head and take it. Of course this person is a jerk to me, I deserve this for asking for something. Then I say, No, that's not right, I can't let someone treat me like that, it's not my fault, the assignment is due, and I need this part. Then I have to say something - which requires hours and hours of preparation and rehearsal and planning, because I need to say something that's inoffensive so as to not bring the wrath of the jerk down on my head for questioning him/her but still get the point across that I need the work. Then I say something. Then the jerk either ignores me or says something passive aggressive or aggressive-aggressive, and I'm back at square one, bowing my head and taking it.
Historically, I've just done all the work myself, or else complained to the teacher, or gotten with another student or 2 in the group to finish without the non-participating person, or whatever. But that requires a level of calm and cool that I just don't have right now. Last semester I dropped - even after complaining to the professor, who thought the other students' behavior was ridiculous - because I just couldn't handle continuing to deal with it and keep complaining and putting the professor in an uncomfortable situation where he had to do something and constantly having to stand up for myself, etc.

@IceQueencop - They're online classes. Although I do think that if I had a guardian angel shadowing my interactions with people so I didn't have to constantly force myself to stand up for myself when someone's running over me, it'd help for sure, haha.

 

[joeylittle]

Dealing with other people in a one-to-one setting for more than a second is draining for me.

I hear you. Do you think it being in an online setting makes it a little easier to build coping skills around it, though?

Last semester I dropped - even after complaining to the professor, who thought the other students' behavior was ridiculous - because I just couldn't handle continuing to deal with it and keep complaining and putting the professor in an uncomfortable situation where he had to do something

One thing I can tell you is, the professor's feelings aren't your responsibility, at all. If prof is going to assign group work, and student (you) says that there are members of the group not holding up their end, it's the prof's job to handle the disciplinary measures needed.

 

[TTC18]

@joeylittle much easier, yes. In real life there's no way I would do any confronting at all. Online, I can regroup and reformulate and try to advocate for myself. In real life, I just run.
I know the professor's feelings aren't my responsibility - but I have a 'don't be annoying' thing. Even when I'm complaining about something legitimate, I can't stand to do it. If the problem persists, I may complain about it twice. But after that, I'm pretty much done. If the prof hasn't fixed it by then, he/she's not going to do anything but get annoyed at me for continuing to complain. (Even if he/she is actually annoyed at the person who's causing the problem - it feels like he/she is annoyed at me, because the problem wouldn't exist if I hadn't complained about it. In my mind, the problem is me, complaining... not the other person, doing or not doing. knowing this about myself hasn't made it go away.)

 

[joeylittle]

In my mind, the problem is me, complaining... not the other person, doing or not doing. knowing this about myself hasn't made it go away

Good breakdown of the issues, here. So - this is a cognitive distortion, it's not reality. They can be powerful, for sure. The only way to break them, really, is through practice. Maybe you can look at the struggle with groups as an opportunity to practice shifting some distorted thinking?

In real life there's no way I would do any confronting at all. Online, I can regroup and reformulate and try to advocate for myself.

That's great! Only you can really know if you're well enough to get what you need out of the class (besides just the credits), or if you'd be better off sitting out this quarter. Are you going to time out on the credits you already have, or is there some other tangible reason why you absolutely need to be finishing the degree this semester? In other words, if you wanted to take another break, is it possible?