Sexual Assault Seeing Him

[kw19]

My abuser, my grandfather, is a registered sex offender now. I have kept up with him for years. I know his address and he lives about an hour from me. So close. I have thought about driving to.his house so many times and telling him what he's done to me. How what he did so many years ago has done to me now. Is this normal? Has anyone else thought about it? Part of me feels like it would be closure and I might be able to move on...

 

[stormy]

K
I feel for you so much! I would have loved to tell my Dad what he did to me and how it caused me so much anguish. However, he died young (in my eyes ) . On his death bead I told him how much I loved him. I never got to ask him questions.

I never got to ask him why he did it. I thought oh my god who else did he do this to. and was it my fault?
To this day I struggle. Please ask him now. Trust me, you need answers.

 

[stormy]

In hindsight, I think they know what they did. Maybe they pretend to not know, or it's too terrible for them to remember, maybe they were under the influence. But, NO EXCUSE. I do think that they know. I wish that I had my dad's take on this but, he died before I was able to ask.

 

[stormy]

Ok, I am so sorry. I just realized, you do not NEED to have answers from that particular person. I WANTED to have answers, but that does not mean that you need to have them, I am so sorry for suggesting that, in fact, to each his or her own. I just personally wish I could have had that answer. You may never need it.

 

[kw19]

Stormy, thank you for the advice. Don't apologize; you're correct. I do need answers. I need closure. I need to know why me. I have lots of young female cousins. I have always wondered why me instead of them? I wouldn't trade because I don't want them to go through this either. I haven't seen him since I was nine. It would definitely be a surprise visit. I have his address and am debating about going to see him Saturday.

 

[stormy]

I am happy that you will get that chance. Do you have a therapist? I can imagine this would be very traumatic, seeing him again.

 

[kw19]

I have been out of therapy for about six months. My mom wants me to go back but I haven't yet. I've never found a therapist I trusted enough to open up to. I always felt like I could cope better on my own. Maybe I should start back...

 

[stormy]

I personally think therapy is so important. Could you try again, you never know you may find someone you really can trust. I just want you to be prepared if you do decide to see your grandfather. Although I have never confronted someone, I have heard they may not respond the way you think they will. He may deny, or not. Either way I think you should atleast prepare for it.

You are very brave. I admire your courage.

 

[kw19]

Thank you very much. I will talk to my mom about therapy. And I will keep you posted if I decide to pay him a visit.

 

[stormy]

I am so happy to hear that! I will be thinking about you.:hug:

 

[kw19]

Thank you so much!

 

[Nyx]

I have thought about it several times, but I wouldn't want to see him. Maybe it's mostly because I am sure he wouldn't admit to anything and would just make it to be my fault, as always. But I have written him a letter and I will send it at one point. I haven't determined when that will be yet, but I am sure I will send it. He deserves to know what he did to me, that he almost destroyed me. Almost. I was lucky enough to find help at the right moment.

I think it depends on everyone's need and how they feel they can have closure. Whatever you decide, I wish you well and hope you healing goes smoothly.