Self harm in adults with ptsd

[Marguerite]

When stress and fear is keeping me awake, I visualize the incision of my SI, and the outcome that results. I need very graphic visuals to unseat the grip of fear.

 

[Abstract]

Thanks very much for sharing Marguerite. That seems not that far off from what I do. Its just mine are not things I have done and very extreme. I have never done that much damage actually. Tend to be quite controlled mostly.

I think the visualisations do a little of what SH harm itself does. That and it feels like the world has been put right somehow.

 

[Raj]

I think I gave myself a concussion from hitting my head with my fist and breaking a picture with my head. I see a new counselor Friday. Life is way too much me lately. Mental health care sure needs more focus and rapid response in Idaho. Eight months is and three different tries at it is ridiculous.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I'm fighting the urge right now. It's hard.

 

[Britt.f7]

Sometimes I can see myself doing it when I lie down at night. Disturbing.

 

[mamachick]

I am 55 yrs old. When I was a teen, many girls used an eraser and burned things on their arms, such as a boys name-by erasing the skin til raw. I would have never and did not understand.

Last thursday, I cut myself with a razor for the second time in 3 months. I have been searching for the reason. After much consideration, I thought that it was about control. I feel like I have no control over my own life, where I live, what I do, where I go, my health, my emotions, and so forth. Both times I have felt extreme loss of control-more than the usual extreme. After reading some posts though, I realized that once I cut, it seemed to bring me back to reality.

My arm is cut pretty bad since last week, one place probably would have been stitched if it were an accident. Its gapping open and red around it. I have been pouring alcohol on it. I am having surgery friday and know that they will likely see it. When the hospital called for pre op questions today they asked if I had any open wounds, I said no. Im afraid they wont do surgery.

 

[xena21]

I'm sorry everyone is having such a horrible time with self harm. I know when I started the thread so long ago I was miserable, and could relate so well to everyone's predicament in a relative way. I feel bad that others feel so badly too. I know I don't want to be the only one, but then I also don't want others to feel badly either, you know?

I'm still struggling right now. It's difficult more so because I just lost my dog, so I have used self harm to replace feelings instead doing what I should do. Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone goes to extremes in self harm like I do....by trying to break bones? DO you hit yourself with a hammer or other hard object to do intense damage? I'm just wondering how strange I am. I do appreciate everyone's responses on this topic. It's been so helpful for me and hopefully for others too!

 

[mamachick]

xena-I am very sorry for this difficult time and am so sorry for the loss of your dog. I have so many broken things on their own (cervical herniated discs, rotator cuff tear, ?low back) and am having surgery for the second time on my rotator cuff. I am in daily pain. I dont like pain and am always seeking relief, that is why this is so out of character for me. I sure relate to not wanting to be the only one with this, yet not wanting others to suffer this way. This post has been very helpful for me.

 

[rightkindofme]

I do not go for maximal damage. I hit my head on concrete but that is my limit of massive stuff. My cutting is not deep but I make many many many cuts.

 

[xena21]

Sorry, I didn't mean to put people off. I feel like a freak most of the time because of how much I hurt myself, and I was just trying to get a sense if there were any other people out there anywhere close to where I was. I didn't mean to scare people off. I just feel so alone a lot of the time that's all.

I really understand all aspects of self harm. I use it in many ways. There are times when I don't need to go to the extreme. All I need is to see a bruise or blood and it is enough to soothe me. I don't like the numbness I feel all the time and lack of emotion, and I want to feel something, so I make myself feel something. Then there are times when things are too confusing for me and I want to just know something is steady and the way it should be. I want things to feel the way I think normal should be so I create my own pain and don't have to deal with the situation. I don't want stress to infiltrate my existence so I take care of it the best way I know...pain.

I know most of you who read this understand that. There are different degrees I'm sure in terms of self harm. I think I go to an extreme that most do not, but many people must understand the concept. I do appreciate everyone's replies. Thanks.

 

[rightkindofme]

I don't feel scared nor put off. I'm sorry you are in so much pain.

I didn't go to extremes with self harm. I went to different extremes. I used to know it was a good weekend if I picked up 5+ new partners. It is a different kind of risk, but still isn't good for you.

 

[xena21]

Hammer hitter (thought I was the only one!) - when they took my hammer I found a big rock in the garden and used that till they took it.
Door slammer on my hands and arms

I'm so sorry I didn't respond sooner. I've been in and out of the hospital for the last few months. I had to give up my hammer too...but then I had my wrench. That's the problem, there's always something else unless you nip it in the bud.

I find it is like an addiction. The anxiety is so overwhelming for me. I can't stop hurting myself. I have to do it before the night is over or the anxiety becomes too intense. I smash my arm with the wrench over and over again, but it is based on a certain number of times that have to be completed. I realize this is also based on other anxiety related disorders like OCD, but the need to self injure is so intense its hard to stop.