Self-harm

[Deleted member 27340]

Writing this post didn't work so I'll just make it really short.

I started cutting myself a couple years ago. Now I've been clean for about 3 months. I don't really want to quit, only the people around me do. Advice?

 

[Go Hungry]

So you've already kicked, but you're thinking of relapsing? Just don't do it. Think of it like being off drugs, if you go back to it even the one little time, that drastically increases the chances that you'll do it again, and then again.. And then you're right back in the same boat as before. It's just not worth the momentary satisfaction that never really comes anyways.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

Yeah, that's exactly what I do. I actually already think of it like that, but because I don't want to not do it it doesn't matter in my ears. The only reason I'm not doing it is out of fear, fear of what my dad'll do if I keep going.
It's worth it to me, the satisfaction is there and it's great.

 

[digger]

It's worth it to me, the satisfaction is there and it's great.

Does it last, that satisfaction? Are you still satisfied the next day? Do you ever regret it later on or wish you'd been able not to do it, find something else?

For me I need to make myself look past the short term help it gives me and remind myself that I will feel bad after that for self harming and feel crap when I look at yet another scar or injury I'm left with and have to deal with.

The main point about self harm is its just not an effective coping strategy long term. If it was you wouldn't keep cycling back to the same place where it feels like you need it. What alternatives have you been using over the past three months that have helped?

 

[Deleted member 27340]

It doesn't last, but it lasts long enough till next time.

I'm so scarred now that I don't care anymore. Scars, bruises... whatever, I look terrible anyway.

I've just been distracting myself, mainly with music (music is me, I listen to music every single day for hours and hours).

 

[digger]

It doesn't last, but it lasts long enough till next time.

There are other, less damaging, things you can do that will last just as temporarily ;)

I think if there wasn't at least a part of you that's wants to quit and find something less damaging, you wouldn't have posted here about it. This is a website I have found very useful in the past http://www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk/ it's UK based so the text/email support part of it might not be available to you, but it's well worth exploring the site as it has a lot of really good information and ideas.

Distraction is good. I usually give myself timed activities. ie...I have to get to the end of this song. I have to wash this bowl of dishes. I have to walk the dog first.... Sorry it's 3am here and I'm not at my most imaginative! ;) basically I'll make myself a list, if I get to the end of one task and still feel the need to harm, I'll try and make myself manage another task or activity.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

Yeah, I guess.

I'll take a look at it. Actually I've found that most stuff form the UK work here, the problem is first if it's from the states.

So do I, when things aren't getting done. That's fine, it's 4am here.

 

[risingsun]

I don't really want to quit, only the people around me do. Advice?

Since you have reached out, I think on some level you really don't want to relapse. I think what you have been doing (i.e. listening to music) is a great distraction because you can release more emotions (anger, rage, sadness, grief, and whatnot) through music than you can through self harm. During self harm, we are usually in a dissociative state so I really don't think those emotions get released whereas when we listen to music we can consciously release whatever is going on inside of us by listening to music that matches the emotion.I found that movies have helped me do that too, movies that have related to my situation (not triggering self-harm movies though).

whatever, I look terrible anyway.

Don't worry about your old scars. They are battleground scars from whatever you were going through at the time. That has helped me with let go of that worry. What makes us beautiful comes from within anyway. Sounds like a cliche but it is true. But you don't need to go back to numbing yourself. Feel that pain and release it while listening to music or anything else that can think of that will allow you to do that fully and consciously.
You can do this. You can. Believe in yourself and allow yourself to truly heal. Best of Luck to you. My thoughts are with you. Warmest to you, Rising Sun

 

[anthony]

It's worth it to me, the satisfaction is there and it's great.

Why?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to try and convince you to stop... only you can do that. If you want to change, then you replace the habit with something healthier... but again, that is always your choice. I'm interested in the why though.

 

[Pixi23]

Find an alternative.
A red washable marker or a harsh slap of a rubber band will give you that same "Quick Satisfaction" without you having to hide anything.
Distraction is the best advice though.
Video games help me with not self harming.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Imagine yourself getting to a point where you are injuring throughout the day, every day. The relief that injuring gives you is VERY fleeting, lasting maybe a few minutes at best. You really cannot stop, because once you stop harming, the episodes come on stronger and stronger. Its a negative downward spiral, and stopping is next to impossible to do on your own. Yes, right now you think you can control it and that you have complete power over it, but the more you injure, the less power you have over those urges. Speaking as someone who started injuring when I was around your age and am still working through my latest remission of 10+ months, don't do it. This last episode landed me in the ER with effects that I still deal with to this day. Seven years ago I was sent to a residential treatment program for self injury because I COULD NOT stop on my own. It was so hard, but it did the trick and I was able to break the pattern. I have had episodes on and off since then, but they were more on the level of relapses. This is a fight I will have for life. And even though I still have those urges to harm, the last episode was enough for me to say "never again...."

Please, stop. You don't want to go down that road.

 

[.Bubbles.]

I can relate to you, Trauma. I've been feeling that urge, after being "clean" for a few months. In these last couple of weeks, not a day goes by where I don't think about it. Not to kill myself, just to hurt myself. I know if my support workers found out, it might cause more issues for me. So that's what's stopping me currently. So if you have to use your dads reaction as your reason not to give in - use it.

I will never encourage someone else to self harm. I really hope you don't, because it's a slippery slope. You are still left with the sht afterwards. Yet it's still tempting to many people. Music is amazing - keep on listening to it, get those emotions out in a healthy way if you can. We're all here for you also. :)