Self harm

[macbeth]

My daughter is 16 and was diagnosed with severe depression at the start of the year. She was and still is self harming by way of cutting. While working with her T this year we have gone through the family history of mental illness and have been asked if I have self harmed and I've answered no as I don't cut. That, i guess is the excuse I have used in my head to avoid the fact the quite regularly I self harm by way of head banging and using my fists and even pulling chunks of hair when extremely overwhelmed. I have never admitted this behavior to any t before. Incredibly ashamed.

 

[Skywatcher]

I would think that admitting it to your own T verses your daughter’s T would be two very different things. It’s not like we walk up and down the street announcing to everyone, “hey, i self harm as a reaction to emotional pain!” There is a trust that is needed.

 

[shimmerz]

to your own T verses your daughter’s T

Yeah, I am super surprised that her T asked you. In front of your daughter he asked?

 

[macbeth]

Yeah, I am super surprised that her T asked you. In front of your daughter he asked?

My daughter wasn't there. She wanted to get a full developmental history and was asking If there was a history of self harm and depression etc. in the family.
I just never thought of head hitting/ punching/ hair pulling as self harm just cutting.

 

[Abstract]

I can see the relevance of her asking. So sorry about your daughter.

It sounds like you are processing a new realisation and coming out of denial - that you self harm. You dont deserve shame. So you have never had help for it before as never discussed with anyone?

As for your daughter, do you think she has witnessed this before?

 

[macbeth]

No I have never even thought of it as self harm until this last week. I have been on a severe downward spiral for the last couple of months myself so haven't self harmed like this in years until recently. I hope she hasn't seen me because when I'm overwhelmed I retreat.

 

[Abstract]

Thats a difficult realisation for you. I remember having that moment. Was in denial. Did denial well with most things. Dual reality. Did cutting amongst some other stuff. Its interesting how we can convince ourselves of stuff isnt it. Realisations are helpful so hand onto that if you can.

What do you think you need to do with the realisation?

 

[macbeth]

Thats a difficult realisation for you. I remember having that moment. Was in denial. Did denial well with most things. Dual reality. Did cutting amongst some other stuff. Its interesting how we can convince ourselves of stuff isnt it. Realisations are helpful so hand onto that if you can.

What do you think you need to do with the realisation?

Not sure really. My daughter and I have had a deep talk tonight and yup she's seen me hurt myself and it scares her. Processing the shame I feel.

 

[ms spock]

But the good thing is that you have talked to her now @macbeth, that is great, and opens the door for future discussions.

 

[Abstract]

Oh I am sorry. Painful on many levels I'm sure. I guess realisations can help bring healing and change though. Hope that happens for you. Even shame can if we don't let it cut us off from others and ourselves. Glad you are talking with her. Can you tell your t?

 

[macbeth]

Oh I am sorry. Painful on many levels I'm sure. I guess realisations can help bring healing and change though. Hope that happens for you. Even shame can if we don't let it cut us off from others and ourselves. Glad you are talking with her. Can you tell your t?

Working on it

 

[macbeth]

Well summoned up the courage to tell t about it and why I've never said anything before. She was so supportive and reassuring. Been seeing her for years so that's why at the end of I feel like I've been kicked in the guts. She's resigning. I hav 2 more sessions. Shaking as I type this.