General Self harm

[CCurry]

As a partner of someone who is not yet stabilized is anything I can do to help him? Specifically I'm thinking of often when he gets triggered he will take his fits and start punching his head and chest. He's a very strong muscular man so these punches are not wimpy ones.

I can't seem to get him to stop while he's doing this and I suppose there's nothing I can say??

C.

 

[Pixie]

Hi C

I'm so sorry that your partner is self harming and I can understand how distressing this is for you. I am a self harmer too (though I do NOT let my hubby see me do it).

There are different reasons why people self harm and understanding why he does it is important (there are many articles on this on the web). Ask him and if he will open up to you (you need to be non-judgmental when you do this and listen), hear him and his reasons. It could be because of self hate (that is usually a big one), the feeling of needing to be punished, an expression of the anger inside etc... there are many reasons. BUT most of all, it is important that you understand that this is not suicidal mode. In a way, this is almost like a suicide prevention technique. Sometimes the only way we can express the pain and let it out is to hurt ourselves.

I don't know if that helps or perhaps others may have a different perspective but this is the best I can do for now...

Rell

 

[Perspective11]

Post deleted

 

[CCurry]

Yes Pixie, I think it is a self-hate thing and when he's done and needs to leave the house he'll usually make a comment like "this is why I don't belong with other humans."

 

[Pixie]

I would suggest then that you let him know that he isn't a freak for his actions. Have you explained to him that this is a "normal" reaction to trauma? I only suggest that because his comment sounds as though he thinks that he is different from the rest of humanity (which is a normal thought process for those who have not made connections with others who do similar things...).

Rell

 

[Deleted member 541]

When he is calm and not being triggered, have a talk with him, and offer other alternatives...Get him a punching bag, give him pillows to beat the crap out of, ask him to exercise hard......He needs to learn healthy alternatives to this, and you can help by gentle offering other things for him to do, to release the anger/frustration.....

 

[CCurry]

Good point, rather than say calmly to him it's okay, I should remind his that this is a normal reaction. As a personal trainer we have in our home a fitness studio including a punching bag. He actually did go to it yesterday and I heard him punching the bag thinking good but that didn't stop him from harming himself when he came back upstairs.

He's better today though so when I get a chance I'll have to talk with him about this.