I'm here to introduce myself.
The event that triggered my PTSD occurred for two years when I was age 19 until I was age 21. Long story short, I willingly left the U.S. and went to Mexico with an individual I had known in high school. This individual ended up holding me against my will for two years under threats of violence towards me and my family which were validated by acts of violence against me. The individual was wanted and on the run from law enforcement and used me to protect him from becoming discovered and arrested on his warrants. Based on what was done to me during that time, as well as what I was told and what I saw, I felt I had no choice but to protect him from arrest, as it appeared to be the action on my part that would best keep me and my family safe.
We were in Mexico for three months, which was a period of me losing myself and becoming what I called a shell of a person. I feel that what happened in Mexico was similar to what happened to Patty Hearst and Elizabeth Smart. The isolation, starvation, violence, and whatnot was Stockholm Syndrome breeding grounds for me. When it came to be too much, I just had to forget who I was and become an extension of this individual.
The year and a half we were on the run in the U.S., I continued as this extension of someone else and had no feelings or opinions of my own. No other mode of operation was possible for me at this point. It wasn't until the violence against me escalated that I realized sooner or later I would end up dead, and that my only chance at survival was to escape, which I did. The individual shortly after turned himself into police custody. He is currently in federal custody and will be for several more years.
Shortly after I saved myself from this situation, I entered therapy. The woman I saw became my therapist of seven years. She was great in every way--but now I am starting to see where I didn't get needed information and assistance from her in regards to my PTSD. She helped me in so many ways, but now that I have been on my own for a time I see many things that would have provided me with so much more so many years ago. Hopefully some of those things is what I can get from these forums.
After returning home, I graduated from college. I have degrees in technical writing, anthropology, and sociology. I feel that my educational background is beneficial in regards to PTSD and related issues and I hope I may be of help in this regard. Additionally, I was raised by a therapist and this experience has been very useful to me as well.
My symptoms of PTSD have greatly diminished in severity as well as frequency but they still remain. For the most part they seemed to transform--as my nightmares disappeared, my ability to leave my home diminished.....and as the intervals between my flashbacks increased, the intervals between trips outside of my home also increased. In other words, many of my symptoms have lessened in severity, and as they did, I slowly grew into a full grown agoraphobic.
I came to this site after having three flashbacks in one week that were just as intense as any flashback I have ever had has been. The first flashback and the consqeunces of it were so awful I don't wish to speak of it. The second two were in the presence of my fiancee. As I tried to process what was going on, I realized once again how much my flashback reality was not even close to "reality at they call it." I saw that even after four years of being with me and three years of living together, he was unable for whatever reason to aid me in processing it.
I knew then that I needed a support group who understands the reality of a flashback and how it differs from society's reality; and I needed to find resources to help him better understand PTSD--help myself better understand PTSD--which was the big area I felt my therapist had neglected to address over my six years of therapy.
After a lot of searching this past week, I found some great government resources, as well as this site. I love that I was able to find this place, as all the other support groups I came across were for veterans or military personnel.
I also feel that six years post-PTSD diagnosis, I've learned much related to the subject. I hope I can help others here with my knowledge and experience. It would be a gift that went both ways, I think....
With Hope and Love!
The event that triggered my PTSD occurred for two years when I was age 19 until I was age 21. Long story short, I willingly left the U.S. and went to Mexico with an individual I had known in high school. This individual ended up holding me against my will for two years under threats of violence towards me and my family which were validated by acts of violence against me. The individual was wanted and on the run from law enforcement and used me to protect him from becoming discovered and arrested on his warrants. Based on what was done to me during that time, as well as what I was told and what I saw, I felt I had no choice but to protect him from arrest, as it appeared to be the action on my part that would best keep me and my family safe.
We were in Mexico for three months, which was a period of me losing myself and becoming what I called a shell of a person. I feel that what happened in Mexico was similar to what happened to Patty Hearst and Elizabeth Smart. The isolation, starvation, violence, and whatnot was Stockholm Syndrome breeding grounds for me. When it came to be too much, I just had to forget who I was and become an extension of this individual.
The year and a half we were on the run in the U.S., I continued as this extension of someone else and had no feelings or opinions of my own. No other mode of operation was possible for me at this point. It wasn't until the violence against me escalated that I realized sooner or later I would end up dead, and that my only chance at survival was to escape, which I did. The individual shortly after turned himself into police custody. He is currently in federal custody and will be for several more years.
Shortly after I saved myself from this situation, I entered therapy. The woman I saw became my therapist of seven years. She was great in every way--but now I am starting to see where I didn't get needed information and assistance from her in regards to my PTSD. She helped me in so many ways, but now that I have been on my own for a time I see many things that would have provided me with so much more so many years ago. Hopefully some of those things is what I can get from these forums.
After returning home, I graduated from college. I have degrees in technical writing, anthropology, and sociology. I feel that my educational background is beneficial in regards to PTSD and related issues and I hope I may be of help in this regard. Additionally, I was raised by a therapist and this experience has been very useful to me as well.
My symptoms of PTSD have greatly diminished in severity as well as frequency but they still remain. For the most part they seemed to transform--as my nightmares disappeared, my ability to leave my home diminished.....and as the intervals between my flashbacks increased, the intervals between trips outside of my home also increased. In other words, many of my symptoms have lessened in severity, and as they did, I slowly grew into a full grown agoraphobic.
I came to this site after having three flashbacks in one week that were just as intense as any flashback I have ever had has been. The first flashback and the consqeunces of it were so awful I don't wish to speak of it. The second two were in the presence of my fiancee. As I tried to process what was going on, I realized once again how much my flashback reality was not even close to "reality at they call it." I saw that even after four years of being with me and three years of living together, he was unable for whatever reason to aid me in processing it.
I knew then that I needed a support group who understands the reality of a flashback and how it differs from society's reality; and I needed to find resources to help him better understand PTSD--help myself better understand PTSD--which was the big area I felt my therapist had neglected to address over my six years of therapy.
After a lot of searching this past week, I found some great government resources, as well as this site. I love that I was able to find this place, as all the other support groups I came across were for veterans or military personnel.
I also feel that six years post-PTSD diagnosis, I've learned much related to the subject. I hope I can help others here with my knowledge and experience. It would be a gift that went both ways, I think....
With Hope and Love!
