Sex After Sexual Abuse/ Rape.

[physicist13]

I started getting molested (by a woman) when I was about 9 years old, and this lasted about 5 years (exact time line is a bit fuzzy). I then got rapped by a stranger (man) when I was 16 (I am now 18).
I am really picky about touch-- like I can count on one hand the people I will let hug me (if they ask).

Sex however is fine... if the person is experienced it feels kind of good, but overall I'm pretty neutral to it. Some parts remind me of being rapped (but it's not traumatic, just eerily familiar). Even though I am a girl I form NO emotional attachment and have no need for cuddling or anything at the end (my few friends who are sexually active say this is abnormal and they all feel at least a little something for their partner). Sex just means nothing to me-- it's not good or bad, it's just nothing...

anyone had a similar experience/ reaction with sex after rape/ sexual abuse? is this normal?

 

[Friday]

Even before I was raped I didn't need to "feel" something for my partner. Can I? Yes. But sex doesn't equal love, for me. Even though I've always loved sex. So the whole stereotype of women equate sex with love, while men don't? Means that there are med who do, and women who don't.

After I was raped things went sideways for awhile. Which is super-normal. Whether someone develops PTSD or not, there tend to be after effects from rape & sexual abuse. Some long term, some short. Being completely ambivalent or numb to sex? Isn't what I did... But IS pretty common (as is promiscuity & sexual anorexia). As are several other things. Those short & long term side effects. There's a really wide range of them.

 

[Guest]

I was raped by doctors when I was 9 through 11.
I also had pictures taken of me.
Most people that know me have no idea.
I have remained silent since this happened in the 1990s. Still stay silent about it.
I feel like I can't tell anyone because I am ashmed this happened to me, I'm a male, no one believes its rape when it's a male who was raped. Even though I was a young boy when it happened. I'm embarrassed, ashamed, feel like no one cares or would believe me.
Sometimes I go months without thinking about it, then all of a sudden the memory hits hard and ruins the whole day where I am overwhelmed with the horrible memories.
Ages 20-28 I had many girlfriends and was able to function normally.
The last 6 years I can't even think about dating without thinking about the horrible memories. It has completely ruined my life now. Sex means nothing to me nor does any idea of ever getting married.
Actually since this happened I really have hated hugs, people touching me in general, even if family wanted hugs I would rather die then have to hug somebody. I'm very touchy and push people away.
I'll probably never get justice on the doctors that did this to me, and my parents nor any family members will ever know.
I high a high level position with my company and this would ruin my career if I ever came out with this info. So I feel forever stuck with this burden I can't shake off.

 

[sundailk]

Yeah. I hate hugs from everyone and even if I get married my partner would have to understand how much I hate touch and touching because of trauma/flashbacks. The slightest sign of affection makes me uncomfortable as well. I don't even like compliments because they all are shallow to me and make me feel uncomfortable. It has been 7 years since "that" happened (and other things that have happened before then) I have not had sex since then because no one has been worth my time, so I do not know how I would react 100%. I have a good idea though and it is probally me getting very sick.

 

[Ronin]

To be honest molestations of the past years effected me worse than the rapes, because they were connected with different things (threat to life, being drugged, other funs).

So I'm super twitchy about a lot of things; but I'm also a hugger kind of a person (was before it / am trying to go back to it) so there's that; some times reclaiming is doable with decision to.

Sex for me is currently entirely off the table, but I'm fine with the idea if I were having it clear it's going to be just mutually wanted fun time. Not as much about sex itself / triggers, as being allowed to be myself near people without it twisted afterwards / an identity thing.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Sex just means nothing to me-- it's not good or bad, it's just nothing...

This is exactly how I feel....sex never meant anything...I was molested as a child and then sexually abused in my marriage. I can still get turned on by sex and I was very promiscuous after I started becoming sexually active, this desire is something I still struggle with. Pretty much all of my x boyfriends whom I have had sex with would probably say I have an insatiable desire for sex...that's what my last boyfriend said. However, this is really kind of a lie, although yes I do love sex I always put on this act/show to keep control over this area, plus afterall sex is all I'm good for, why any guy likes me anyways right?

 

[Mach123]

I was so hyper sexualized that I wanted to be abused, especially during my teens. I put myself in the way of a known child molester once and I was disappointed that 'not enough' happened! I was hurt he didn't call me back I'm not kidding. I did not know how to 'get' (approach) girls at this time and I did not attract boys since I was one. Having no self esteem I didn't understand how. I was mostly feminine but this just increased my self loathing to levels I hate to remember. How I didn't get trafficked I'll never know because I practically volunteered. I was hitch hiking home from a job I had once and someone picked me up in a van and asked me if they could take pictures of me (naked) which they did, and took my number to call me back so I could be in porn vids. I was all for it. (Wow a job offer) I was dissatisfied that this person missed the opportunity to take advantage of me while I was naked in their van because I welcomed any and all sexual attention from whoever. I waited and waited for the phone to ring, I think I thought I was going to be famous. It all sounds so harmless now by comparison. But I never spoke about any of it till I was in my forties. Then it took like 15 more years after for it really to start coming out. So sex was the only thing I ever really cared about from my earliest memories. You like me? Ok let's go. I Never did anything after my late teens except With women but I was plagued by my partial and repressed memories of childhood and adolescent sexual experiences all of which were abuse reactive.

 

[Guest]

I was raped by doctors when I was 9 through 11.
I also had pictures taken of me.
Most people that know me have no idea....

I will add that I think the reason I went years without thinking about what happened when I was 9 to age 11 was because I distractions.
Middle school to high school, friends, homework, sports, family events. Then followed by college, homework, more hobbies. I was living at home so I had parents and brother to talk to everyday. Lots of distractions.

It wasn't til I moved out on my own where I had evenings all by myself where my first really bad traumatic PTSD moment happened. Before my life was busy with distractions so my mind wasn't free to wonder and remember on lonely nights by ly self. So I guess my advice would be to go out get hobbies, hang around other people as much as possible, stay active. This will help you from having downtime where your mind wonders and you dwell on stuff, dwell on the past.

 

[Guest]

Yeah. I hate hugs from everyone and even if I get married my partner would have to understand how much...

I hate compliments too, I get them weekly, use to be daily when I was younger. I always get pissed when people give them out. I roll my eyes, take deep sighs, or sarcastically say thanks.
I have trouble making eye contact too, and have little trust in almost everyone I meet. When people fail to follow through on something or lie to me, it's very upsetting to me and takes hours for me to calm down.

 

[Guest]

I was raped by doctors when I was 9 through 11.
I also had pictures taken of me.
Most people that know me have no idea....

All these years have past, yet I still feel like I have no outlet. I wish the media cared about boys who were once raped. I feel so depressed because I can't talk to anyone about this. I don't want to be labeled as a damaged or weak peraon, I have too high of a position within my company to risk coming out publicity about this. Doesn't help that some grown men once child actors who have come out saying they were raped or molested don't get any respect. The way America is tolerating and normalizing every weird sexual preference, gender identity, I won't be surprised if they legalize pedophile crap too. I can guarantee a lot of these young teens who are confused about their gender identity probably have some sort of sexual abuse from their younger years.

I don't know what else to say, this week has been horrible RELAPSE of bad rape memories. I have lashed out at people at work and cars on the road. Not their fault, just frustrated at the doctors that took advantage of me. Gotta stop watching chris Hansen show, it just engages me.
Although it's nice when cops tackle these bastards against the ground when they run. Nice to see some pedophiles get arrested.

Most people don't understand PTSD, it takes over your life, ruins almost every relationship and friendship. I am becoming mad and cynical all the time. It causes severe anxiety and stress. With work relates stress, family related stress, and this crap going on, it's impossible to even pretend to be happy around people. I'm finding myself avoiding every person so I don't have to make eye contact or even talk to them on the phone. I just have a huge lack in people. Also, I am easily upset if anyone lies to me and I find out, it's like a trigger and it engages me.

I think I might be brave enough to tell someone. Why the hell is there a statue of limitations.

 

[Mee]

Guest : I am sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed.

I too have been thinking about things like statute of limitations but I think many states will suspend statute of limitations for child abuse situations. I will add that the report I made ( adult rape) did not lead to prosecution but helped me get some sense of closure on that part of my situation.

If you decide to report see if your sensitive crime unit has a rape advocate or someone who can support you through the report ; it is helpful in my experience.