Sex As A Coping Tool?

[Fohum]

@OP

You see, some of you ladies, seem to forget than men CAN-FVCKING-NOT have sex whenever they damn well please.

You females CAN. Easy as 1, 2, 3.

We cannot have sex AT ALL, without your permission.

Some of us men would LOVE to at least try sex as a coping tool, but are sh*t out of luck.

what a tragic world we live in where you can't have sex with a woman without her permission!!!! woe is you. it's funny how sex is something that requires consent and you can't go around sleeping with whoever you please !

sex workers exist, and are quite plentiful, and there's nothing wrong with sex workers !

i'm quite positive that men use sex as a coping tool.

" women control sexual access only ? " oh please.

 

[Udum]

@fohum
what is your derisive adversarial tone intended to communicate?
is that your way of trying to convince me of the merit of your statements?

why do you assume that all men would even want to be with a sex worker?

you say ""women control sexual access only ? " oh please." ........do you not control sexual access to your body???

 

[Toja]

why do you assume that all men would even want to be with a sex worker?

Why do you assume that all women can get dick, easy as 1, 2, 3?

Why do you even assume all women want a penis?

This is Ozuju again. I'm not actually sure if you, Udum, are the same person as Wudi - but no-one is assuming all men would want to be with a sex worker. This is in response to the notion that women have unlimited access to sex, and men do not.

You see, some of you ladies, seem to forget than men CAN-FVCKING-NOT have sex whenever they damn well please.

You females CAN. Easy as 1, 2, 3.

We cannot have sex AT ALL, without your permission.

Some of us men would LOVE to at least try sex as a coping tool, but are sh*t out of luck.

All of which is bullshit, really.

 

[Onev]

@ozuju
"I'm not sure what world you live in...".....the same one you live in

"get off your pity party platform here"
and
"The idea...is juvenile."

can you explain to me why, on a support forum, you think it is helpful to make these kind of adversarial statements??

did i attack you personally...........no
do i deserve to be treated rudely as you have done.....no

I shared, on this thread, that using "sex as a coping tool" for men is very very difficult to do.....and what do I get in return........support??.....compassion?????

NOPE

Instead I get anti-male sentiment, which as you'll note i predicted.

Isn't it a shame that you and @fohum were so quick to prove my prediction correct.

 

[Fehac]

Some people tend to forget that women control sexual access completely.

We cannot have sex AT ALL, without your permission.

Actually, that's true both ways.

If it's not without the other person's permission it's sexual assault &/or rape, ie not sex. Women cannot have sex AT ALL without their partner's permission. Just like men cannot have sex AT ALL without their partner's permission.

Is it easier for women to get laid than men? Eh. Really depends on a lot of factors. In some areas, for some people, for sure. Absolutely. In others, the reverse. Men can, and are expected to be able to, have as much sex as they want, while women are disallowed from it.

Instead I get anti-male sentiment, which as you'll note i predicted.
Isn't it a shame that you and @fohum were so quick to prove my prediction correct.

Pot Kettle. You made some extremely derogatory generalizations about both women AND men, blaming everyone else in what was nothing short of a sulky tantrum, and got called short on it.

You also got a laundry list of suggestions, if sex is something you might actually want to try as a coping mechanism for PTSD. It doesn't sound like it, though. It sounds like, rather than a potential coping mechansim, it's a preexisting problem. Which means it's not a solution to a problem or series of problems, it's something that needs solutions itself. Totally different thing.

 

[Acefah]

Agree completely with Fehac.

I think people were just responding to your heterosexist comment is all. I'm not sure what kind of support you are hoping to get on a ptsd forum where you are complaining about the fact that you can't have sex without consent. I'm not sure what kind of response you're looking for there? You've had some suggestions already, then you complain that it is "anti-men" ? Whatever that means ? In your initial comment you said you would get back lash for it.. well what we're you honestly expecting ? We're you expecting people to console you and say ""why yes it is the womens fault ! """" people are responding logically to you as best they can imo.

Have a nice life.

 

[Zocen]

You see, some of you ladies, seem to forget than men CAN-FVCKING-NOT have sex whenever they damn well please.

You females CAN. Easy as 1, 2, 3.

We cannot have sex AT ALL, without your permission.

I have tried to not comment on this thread as it has digressed but honestly @Wudi the three comments above are not only inaccurate but down right offensive. I am sorry that as a man you don't have the God-given right you think should be available to have sex "whenever you damn well please" I apologize for the fact that sex must be a consensual act between two people (no matter what genders are involved). And I call major bullcrap on the idea that women can have sex anytime "easy as 1, 2, 3". I have been celibate for the better part of a decade and I am female. Does that mean I don't want sex? NO it doesn't, it is the results of being molested by my brother, abused by my father, raped by three different men I trusted all before the age of 21 and then because I was so messed up marrying an abusive jerk that demanded and forced sex under the pretense that I was his wife and there for owed him.

I won't argue that there are not some very nice men in the world, I have met them, some are my friends but that doesn't mean I want to jump into bed with them. I will admit that for many years I used sex as a coping tool, I allowed myself to be picked up in bars, work conferences and just about anywhere to convince myself that I was not the worthless, frigid awful person I thought I was because that is what I had been told my entire life. I still find myself slipping into that mindset at times but I will never apologize for the fact that both parties have to give free consent for sex, no expectations either. In the mean time until I am ready and until I find someone that respects me as much as I am trying to respect myself I masturbate. Perhaps, if you weren't looking for someone else to blame for your celibacy you might find that woman willing to consent to have sex with you.

 

[Ehaze]

@fehac

again, what is gained by statements like "in what was nothing short of a sulky tantrum"???

put-downs, personal attacks....do you think that bolsters the validity of the arguments you were making?


"It sounds like, rather than a potential coping mechansim, it's a preexisting problem."

Given that you don't know me and that I never made any specific personal statements regarding my personal life, sexual or otherwise....it quite a leap for you to make a conjecture like that.

 

[Ucig]

@acefah

"I'm not sure what kind of support you are hoping to get on a ptsd forum where you are complaining about the fact that you can't have sex without consent."
"then you complain that it is "anti-men" ? Whatever that means ?"

Even a superficial reading of my statements would show that I NEVER stated that I wanted sex without consent or that i complained about not having same.

Do you realize how antagonistic it is that you accuse me of complaining that i can't RAPE women, when I said nothing of the sort.

So how should i regard this kind of treatment from you?

Should I regard it as bullying behavior?

How would you respond if a male treated a female that way on this forum? Would you accuse him of being misogynistic?


The fact that you would make the above quoted claim about my words, which is patently false and inflammatory, causes me to wonder whether you have biases against me because of the fact that I am a male?

 

[Izew]

@zocen

I value the tremendous honesty of your reply with respect to your personal story. Ty for sharing those difficult events/memories with us. I respect what you said. I am saddened at the abuses you suffered.

You stated...."I am sorry that as a man you don't have the God-given right you think should be available to have sex "whenever you damn well please" I apologize for the fact that sex must be a consensual act between two people..."

Of course, the reader will note that I did not say that I "should be available to have sex "whenever you damn well please"".........in fact I stated that "men CAN-FVCKING-NOT have sex whenever they damn well please."....which is the EXACT opposite.

 

[Ifih]

There is a reason why I made my initial comments, and a reason why I continue to do so.

In a broader sense, on this site(and many others), there is a degree to which there is anger toward men regarding sex.

ALMOST ALL of this is DESERVED.

Some men are wretched filthy abusive PIGS when it comes to sex and their behaviors surrounding the sexuality issue.

Women SHOULD be angry toward these men and so should men be angry(believe it or not some of us are)

But, what happens is that the justifiable anger toward SOME men is applied toward most, or at times, all men.

Misogyny IS wrong, but Misandry is also wrong.

This is numerically a female dominated site, which is fine, but if you wouldn't tolerate misogyny(and I wouldn't want you to), then why would Misandry be tolerated???

Some men are exceptionally frustrated by these issues, but when they say anything at all..........WHOOOOOSH!!!!........massive psychological transference, assumptions of intent, anti-male sentiment, bias galore.

The response to my comments was an excellent example.

Was your first reaction compassion, empathy, asking me ?s to clarify my intent??

NOPE

Instant back-lash!!!

We all have more in common than we realize.
We all are suffering.
We can all help or harm each others growth.

 

[Ujik]

I had to pass that comment up the first time I read it because it was so ridiculous....about not getting sex because of consent...women holding all the power. Thank God women finally have the right to say "No" and sometimes laws are upheld. So you and other men don't desire sex workers...um...they do cost money.

Then the complaints about how some men attract all the women and then women won't put out to nice men like you. Maybe we all need to just take a look at ourselves and see who and what we are attracting. I am betting you can have sex, maybe not with who you would like to have sex with.

I wish I could think of a man to pay to move some furniture and do some other jobs, but every man I meet seems to want to have sex and I would rather my house fall apart than deal with that BS. Many married friends don't have sex with their husbands. Seems they get to their 50's and on and they can't stand them...for many reasons.