Sex With Therapist

[A D M I N]

Just wow. Thinking you need to take your meds.

Another snarky condescending remark. Lol. You are so helpful. Please. Keep posting. You are great.

Pointless bickering will result in thread-bans.

-Joeylittle

 

[Onus]

I am curious, what is the purpose of going into such depth about how great your therapy relationship is? It's a little cruel and snarky don't you think?

If someone comes to you with a complex problem with their marriage do you respond by telling a story about how easy and perfect marriage is for you? If so, do you think that's helpful or do you realize how condescending that might sound?

I'm not Adu.

I find it incredibly helpful when someone outlines what a healthy relationship looks like, and why, when I'm either in the middle of an unhealthy relationship or trying to parse what a healthy relationship would be.

Nowhere did Adu say their relationship was easy & perfect.

What they did share was their own experience, opinion, and how they arrived at each. Again, to me, that's hugely helpful.

Whether or not the OP finds it as helpful as I do, or as unhelpful as you do, or finds some pieces helpful & some not? Is on them. No way for you, me, or Adu to know how anyone else is going to take them sharing their own experience/strength/hope. They took the time to, however. Which I'm grateful for. Just as I'm grateful for posts I don't agree with, or aren't helpful to me. Different strokes for different folks. What resonates with one person, will piss another off, and vice versa. Take what's useful to you. Leave the rest.

 

[Ginan]

I'm not Adu.

I find it incredibly helpful when someone outlines what a healthy relationship looks like, and why, when I'...

I am the original poster so I can say I did not find that person's comment helpful, I found the ending sentence especially very condescending which negates anything helpful they were trying to say. Out of over 100 posts that was the only one that was rude. And I stand by that because that same person's response was to be insulting by telling me to "take my meds."

How offensive of a thing to say to a forum full of people probably needing meds to function after trauma. I would never say something like that about anyone taking meds so I'm my opinion, yes, this confirms that poster is quite legitimately condescending and out of line.

Admin/joeylittle, by all means, if I'm out of line for telling a condescending poster that they are unhelpful, ban me from my original thread to protect a person that insults people on medication. Thats fine by me.

Stating, "if you think screwing your therapist will be "cathartic" then you, my dear are in a big heap of denial" is rather condescending and unhelpful

 

[A D M I N]

All sorts of opinions are valid.

Telling people their opinions aren't helpful - that's valid, too.

Basically, it's all fine, and I am not especially interested in thread-banning anyone.

I'm also aware that the Anonymous forum can devolve quickly into sniping back and forth, and needs to be addressed when it's beginning; once it gets going, it turns a thread to mush.

Hence, my statement that extending the back and forth insults would result in thread-bans.

No more discussion on my request is needed. I think it was clear enough. The topic is a good one, and I'd like to see it stay open (instead of devolving into members taking anonymous potshots at one another).

Hope this clarifies things.

JL

 

[Tozawo]

Ginan, I tried to back read to catch up but failed to do so. Last I heard you had found a new therapist to help you understand the issues/non-issues etc about this one but that you were thinking (if thats the right word) of going back to this one eventually. How did all of that work out? What did you learn about this theraputic relationship (good or bad)? And have you been back to see this therapist? I remember you sort of had a "good bye you were not clear about boundries" session but thats the last I remember. It would be intresting to see what you learned about the relationship and the boundries, or lack there of, you and this therapist had, and just what you learned in general on this topic.

And if you already advised, my appologies. Just post a link to the post and I will go read from there. I just wasn't able to find any update is all.

I find this topic extremely intresting since I did actually have sex with a few therapists. Ok, that sentence sounded odd so shutting up now.

 

[Jubeca]

Op - I just wanted to say I also find the reference to a need for you to take meds offensive.
I used to take meds, don't any more. They kept me numb but that wasn't honouring of what I was really feeling.
And I have started to really recover since then.
It is a negating and dis empowering thing to say to a person already struggling, and the majority of people do struggle at one time or another.
Yea I think that was way out of line.
I don't think sex with a therapist can ever really be a good thing, but the best thing of all is when you believe in yourself enough to make your own decisions and face the consequences.
Advice is one thing but
The hardest thing for me in recovery has been people negating me or patronising me, or worse invalidating me.
I saw that comment contained all of those three things.
But as others have often said, everyone here is traumatised and sometimes it really shows!

 

[Otawawas]

I'm the poster who made the medicine comment and wanted to apologize. Very bad week with two family deaths and I got triggered by my perception of the tone of the response to adu - i was hearing one of my abusers in the response. Obviously not excuse and I apologise to the OP for the slap. It was rude, needless, and simply mean.

 

[Ginan]

I'm the poster who made the medicine comment and wanted to apologize. Very bad week with two family deaths and I got...

Wow, well thank you for the apology, and I'm really sorry to hear about deaths in the family. There's really nothing worse so my condolensces.

 

[Ginan]

Ginan, I tried to back read to catch up but failed to do so. Last I heard you had found a new therapist to help you un...

Well, thanks so much for your interest. I've had some pretty major epiphanies from this that have scared me half to death but things are looking up. If you are familiar with structural dissociation this will make sense. If not, this will sound insane.

I saw the new therapist, actually 2 new therapists, and discussed all my stressful interactions and conflicts with my previous therapist and they helped me understand that my experiences are from transference/ reliving/reenacting. That was so bizarre because I really am 'normal' outside of this and have good friends outside of therapy so the conflict and tumult was so foreign that I assumed it must be at least partly cause of a horrible therapist. I tearfully went back to original("horrible") therapist And we've been working together 2x a week.

He and I have realized this is a pretty powerful case of structural dissociation and this emergence of parts and consciousness of parts is part of integration. My pattern is always that in therapy I'm very dissociative and my submissive/hypersexual younger part comes out and desperately wants to be close to him and have sex with him, and then I have a protector/persecuter part that rages at my therapist for not protecting her or doing something about these sexual impulses. He didn't really see any of this as parts before and the pace of therapy got too fast and too intense for me which perpetuated the cycle. When this was going on I was exploding with new memories and needing to talk to him, the needing made me feel like I HAD to have sex with him, and then by the time I was comfortable to tell him details of trauma my persecuter part would be furious with him for any number of reasons. Looking back I realize I just needed him to slow this down. My sub part needed care and my protector needed this slower.

My therapist apologized to me quite profusely for not being able to recognize when I'm dissociating soon enough and when I've switched from adult me and younger parts are there. I'm pretty calm and collected and well spoken so he has been very surprised by the sudden emotions in therapy and assumed they were adult me. I've told him that pretty much all my emotions are from younger parts. He now always ensures the pace of therapy is a lot slower and checks in with me constantly to see how I'm feeling with regard to him and how I'm feeling with dissociation.

My younger part just does not have adult perspective and was absolutely certain that sex with him would be wonderful. That part was so separate that she hardly even recognized I am married and that would be horrendous thing to do. I love my husband so dearly but my parts are oblivious. I am fortunate in that my parts never come out at home. I'm always adult me. But that also means my younger parts can't find comfort at home. The only one to help them is my therapist.

This week, when my submissive part had come out in therapy, instead of wanting sex with him she now just wants to hide inside of him and get buried in his chest and be held. This feeling is fleeting and goes away, but I do see it as progress that she isn't desperately wanting sex or interpreting everything he's saying and doing as being willing to have sex.

I really credit this thread with waking me up to these parts... just going back and reading as adult me was so crazy. Having everyone say that something is wrong here, your logic is off got me down the path to figure out this isn't even me...adult me doesn't think this way at all. I am just getting hijacked by traumatized parts. In a way having parts is just like having a flashback. I've had flashbacks before where I could see and hear and feel everything like my trauma,...being hihacked by these traumatized parts is similar.

What a trip this has been! I'm a high functioning person and have a very intense career and great marriage. I can't believe I have such a severe mental health disorder at the same time.

 

[Ewul]

Wow Ginan, what amazing insight huh? And what amazing help this thread could be to any number of people. Not just those with DID.

I don't have DID but I do have parts. I hear them, see them (in my minds eye), and we internally talk but I just don't switch. None of them take control. But I do dissociate in therapy and my therapist has also advised when I sounded very young and when I didnt and when I sounded both very young and very adult at the same time.

So I do understand this for many reasons but anyone can research DID and understand so I dont think it sounds insane at all.

My therapist and I slowly throw a stress ball back and forth when I start to dissociate and it keeps me grounded. It was my idea and I couldnt tell you where i learned of it but it works well for me. It lets me open up more without "leaving" and lets us go deeper. Not sure if that would help you.

My therapist reads my body language and micro expressions and can tell when I am about to dissociate and stop it or he can pull me out pretty well. I'd say the worst case was when we were doing EMDR way too early and I had a flashback, jumped backwards over the chair, hudled in a corner saying "please dont hurt me" and thought he was my step dad. He handled that well. He moved the chair slowly and sat on the floor with me and talked to me until I "came around". I am not sure if that was a "switch" or not. I remember it. So i dont know.

But anyway, I am so glad that you gained so much self awareness and understanding out of this and your therapist is working slower and making reg check ins. I am so happy it all worked out!

 

[Ginan]

Wow Ginan, what amazing insight huh? And what amazing help this thread could be to any number of people. Not just those...

Thank you for your post. I just wanted to clarify that I am not diagnosed with DID, but seems as though I'm half way there due to cPTSD/structural dissociation. I had a very good first 10 yrs of life so I guess that saved me. I just have two emotional parts that seem to hijack my senses in therapy. Just one normal adult me though. I can't believe how much better I have gotten since this post 3 months ago. My progress over the past year has been so fast it's frightening. Seems like I'm losing familiar parts of me in this integration.

 

[Ihuc]

Ewul here,

I can't believe how much better I have gotten since this post 3 months ago. My progress over the past year has been so fast it's frightening. Seems like I'm losing familiar parts of me in this integration.

I understand this feeling fully. After blame shifted off of me and onto them its like I was off and running straight rather then tight circles as I was doing before that and progress I had made from month to month was an insane amount. In 6 months I looked back and was in a fully new spot. I couldn't believe how far I had come. Now a little over a year and I am starting to loose touch with my parts. I am loosing the abilty to tap into them to obtain access to my early emotions. My therapist says they are "maturing" so I guess thats like integration. I did "find" my parts that I couldnt feel for a bit but its still not the same as before.