Sexual abuse and self harm

[Pauline]

Hey guys I don't know how many people on here have difficulty with self harm but I am finding this to be a problem for me since I was seventeen I have different reasons why I self harm and different states why I do it but at the moment I'm fine during the day and then at nighttime I self harm because I can't sleep and then after i do it I sleep really well like go into really deep sleeps, I am trying to excersise a lot more to release the endorphins but I still want to self harm I am not suicidal at the moment but I am also not doing my best either.
I have not tackled my sexual abuse with my therapist I am in denial and scared I want to try and heal on my own and I know my self harm has something to do in correlation with this issue if I want to heal on my own can anyone give me any solid tips on how to start i am terrified bringing this issue to him especially it is to do with my father also can someone please let me know if a memory is unearthed or flashback how can you tell if they are real I would like to make some headway on my own before bringing it to him
Hope this makes sense X

 

[sunisstillshining]

So sorry to hear of your struggle with sexual abuse and self-harm. I have heard that self harm is one way of expressing the pain that you feel in your heart. I often wished that people could see the pain that I was in from what a family member did to me.
I am glad that you are seeing a therapist, but I am curious as to why you would like to heal on your own. I know it can be uncomfortable and hard to admit, but maybe starting with the therapist first would be a possibility. If you cannot bring yourself to talk about it, perhaps try to write a note to your counselor? I would be glad to provide you with some additional resources on the topic of self harm, but I think speaking with your therapist is the best way to start your healing. Hope that helps.

 

[Pauline]

Thank you for replying back I think I'm just terrified to open up about it because I don't have all the details I thought it was my father but he is still in my life I'm also really scared to tell him about my recent self harm episodes I think it is because I know I will have to face the issue that I was abused eventually and I don't know how ready i am to do so

but recently my self harming is helping me sleep and I really love my scars and it's like I need want to hurt myself ( I know how it sounds) it also helps with my dissociate child state and function throughout the day if i don't self harm at night I can't sleep for ages and I get really irritable and frustrated like I need to get something out of me I want to be able to tell my psychiatrist but I also want to keep it a secret and I don't know why I guess it's hard to explain