Shame And Self Harm While Dissociating

[Downsideup]

Idk how this works really. I just want an anonymous place to say the things on my mind.
I woke up this morning and held an xacto blade to different parts of my body and just pressed it down until it hurt too much. I never liked cutting myself. It doesn't feel right. Not enough force behind it. I usually resort to repeatedly hitting my thighs, arms and head. It kind of shocks my system back into something a little more bearable. Sometimes it even makes me feel better, which I know is sick. I don't really feel sad or angry or even anxious. I just feel blank...and kind of ashamed. I'm just empty right now. Is this dissociation? How do i stop it?
Any thoughts on shame and self harm?

 

[bring em all in]

Downsideup- I don't think I can be of much help to you. I self-harm, but only during raging fits. I don't want to hurt others so I strike objects, sometimes injuring myself. Come to think of it, I do pick at scales on my face and scalp (I have a skin condition) when I am especially anxious. It seems to temporarily dull the anxiety, and the more it hurts the more it dulls the anxiety.

I am in treatment with a psychiatrist and therapist and am working on these and a myriad other issues.

It's great that you are participating in this forum and I hope you continue to feel welcome to do so! In addition, I wonder if you have been or will be seeking professional help

 

[Downsideup]

I don't have the means to seek professional help at the moment. I don't really know what I'm doing and just realized this problem in my life is an actual problem... being stuck on step one is better than nothing tho!

 

[bring em all in]

I don't have the means to seek professional help at the moment. I don't really know what I'm doing a...

Great to know you are on step one! Sorry that you are stuck (for now).