Sharing Trauma With My Mom

[Enaila]

My mom called last night and we got to talking. I found myself sharing many of the traumas which contributed to my ptsd. I wasn't doing so to induce guilt. The time just seemed right and my mind was racing through one thing to another. I heard her gasp on many parts and several times she said she had feared for me when I was married, but never realized how I was in a constant real threat of life, nor the extent of the abuse and intimidation used.

I then mentioned some of my childhood traumas and she validated they had actually happened. She told me how my brother and I had begged her to divorce our father when I was eight. She told me how the guy I mentioned I thought had touched me inappropriately from 6-8 years old had messed with her too.

She confirmed I had been dropped off in a highway ditch in the dark at the age of four as my father was angry at me. She told me the incident had created an emotional scar on her and my brother, who was 3 at the time, as well. She said my brother had mentioned being so afraid my father would do something similar to him and how my mom had cried and begged for my father to go get me.

Two and a half hours later the call ended. I feel some relief from sharing and now have things more in the open. I told my mom I didn't accept any of her guilt about the choices she made. I was only a child. I felt shaky afterwards, but more empowered.

 

[aut555]

That had to be a tough call. I am unsure about approaching my Mom because she prefers denialsville. Wow, that's some scary shxt you went through. I can see how it would tear me in two if l was your mom. It's amazing what motherhood puts us through. I watched my husband emotionally steal my daughter's chance of a normal childhood, and l coudn't do much because he was manipulating me at the same time. So glad you had the courage to talk to her. And you were able to continue after call with no trauma flashbacks or trigger behaviors. This was a really big step. :)

 

[Muttly]

That was very brave. It must feel good to get some validation. I hope it brings you some real healing. You have been so much.

 

[Enaila]

@aut555 I did have flashbacks, but manage to get through them using grounding techniques.

 

[EveHarrington]

:-)

Sounds like you took a positive step forward in healing!

 

[asadafagahajakal]

Talking to someone who either abused you or even neglected your cries for help can be a difficult task. 2.5 hours must be a record somewhere man. I remember when I talked to my mom at 17 about the things she and others have done to me. Reconciliation and forgiveness are probably the two hardest things anyone on this site has done or aspired to do.