Should You Tell Classmates About Trauma?

[Cool Cat]

This has never been a problem until now.
My college class-mates keep scheduling meetings when my once a week T appointment is on. And sometimes things they say, or sometimes jokes they tell can be very triggering or troubling.

I am 19, and a lot of my classmates are very immature (including the mature students). I don't know if it would be a good idea to tell them but it's getting harder and harder keeping it secret.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'd just tell them that you have another obligation during that time period. Can you schedule your therapy for the same time each week so that you can just tell them that you are unavailable during that time period?

In terms of them telling jokes that bother you, you can ask them to not talk about such topics as they bother you. [End of story, they don't need to know *why* they bother you.]

 

[Cool Cat]

I'd just tell them that you have another obligation during that time period.

Fair point! And I've tried that, they are a bit stupid IMHO. I've told them I am not available on X evening for the next while due to an appointment for a "personal problem". You'd think they'd read between the lines?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Some college kids can be a bit daft in that their world is studying and socializing and there's nothing beyond that. (Why would there be?) Be firm and keep saying the same thing. You are unavailable at X time because you have another obligation. Me thinks this is perhaps a skill that some don't learn until they're a bit older? I mean making allowances for others lives.

 

[Friday]

The older I get, the less I tell anyone about anything. It's simply not their business.

Going back to college is always interesting, because one can literally see the different ways people were raised. Most, are so used to having zero privacy whatsoever (having to tell anyone who asks them anything the intimate details of their lives: parents, teachers, ... And working off the same model: friends) it doesn't even occur to them that there is such a thing as privacy. Or that it's not anyone else's business what everyone's daily schedules are. The moment it's asked for. In detail. To be approved or disapproved by whomever is asking. It's practically compulsive. It cracks me up. The 'OMG I have to instantly justify myself!' Regardless of whether or not the person asking has any right to that information. What's even funnier are the people who think they have both the rights to that information, and the authority, by virtue of their asking.

Especially because for most, it's a passing whim, not sincere interest... And it will be out of their heads 2 seconds later. I spent one entire quarter repeating each week that I don't have childcare until 9pm. It wasn't strictly true. The truth of the matter was that it became insanely complicated and unreliable to have childcare before 9pm, so it wasn't something I was willing to deal with. It also wasn't something I felt obligated to explain why 30 minutes would turn the next 36 hours into a clusterf*ck. I'm free after 9pm. I don't have childcare until 9pm. I can meet up until 2pm or after 9pm. :D and smile! Shrug. That was when I was free. When were they free? Okay. Let's line those up.

I don't take their forgetfulness personally. Most people can't even remember their own schedules without a calendar, much less anyone else's.

 

[jmni]

They do sound stupid. Do you HAVE to go to this? If you don't like their jokes/comments, and they keep scheduling when you are busy maybe this group in not for you. It really doesn't sound like you're getting work done or much of anything out of this. Perhaps it's a good thing that you can't meet with them. But, NO. Don't tell them you are going to therapy. Don't tell them about truama. Don't open up to them at all. As you said they're immature and even they're jokes trigger you.

 

[Leigh925]

I am very choosy about who I tell. It has to be someone who has earned my trust and will respect my story.

Doesn't sound like these people are mature enough to handle the information in a way that would be helpful to you.

I ask myself what is the worst case scenario and what can I handle. So which is worse....dodging the meeting every week or telling them and not getting a helpful response???

Which would you most like to deal with?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Oh, and I'd like to add that I advise against telling immature people because immature people are the type to try to INTENTIONALLY scare you or trigger you because they think its hilarious.

 

[Tanishq]

Cool cat, I would like to suggest best to keep your personal matters with you until you find the safe trust with people. People can be judgmental towards trauma matters.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

I think you should do as those above says: Keep it to yourself until someone has earned your trust and you know you can tell them.

I'm 14 years old, I've got three friends my age and the rest are at least two years older than me. I've dealt with a lot of immature bullshit, and twice it didn't end until it got really bad and they could see themselves, not only hear the words from me, that "oh hey maybe this is no good". Both those times were buddies who had figured out that I get really, really scared if someone frightens me from behind with touch. One of them would always frighten me by grabbing around my wait (shivering just thinking about it), he didn't stop doing it until I actually punched back and he collapsed on the floor and had to sit getting the air back in his lungs for the rest of recess. The other quit his crap when he triggered an anxiety attack during lunch break and at one point they couldn't get anything out of me because I was way too dissociated to hear what they said or even see them clear.

Some people need to learn it the "hard" way. If they are that kind of people, they probably shouldn't know about your story, unless you're 100% sure it'll make them more understanding.

If you can find one classmate who is capable of somehow getting all of it to understand that this and that are things you do not want to discuss at all, and this and that are things people should never, ever do to you, that might be good enough, because then this one classmate can back you up. One of my friends my age knows about my PTSD and most of my life, I guess he's the one who knows the most about me. He can help make others stop triggering, without telling why they can't talk about that/do that. He's just got a more confident way of speaking and people take him seriously, more seriously than a freaked out wreck screaming "DON'T. DO. THAT." for the zillionth time.

 

[Lucycat]

I have not told my work colleagues. When I have to leave work early for an appointment with T I do not go into any details and simply declare it as a doctor's appointment ( although technically that is a lie I think it is close enough). They don't ask any thing more.

 

[Cool Cat]

Some college kids can be a bit daft in that their world is studying and socializing and there's nothing beyond that.

Yeah I think so! Lol those kids have it lucky.

it's not anyone else's business what everyone's daily schedules are. The moment it's asked for. In detail. To be approved or disapproved by whomever is asking.

This quite is very very true. Was this not always the case?

I am very choosy about who I tell.

As am I! I'd say at the minute less than 5 people who arent healthcare people know.

simply declare it as a doctor's appointment

I've done that too

They do sound stupid. Do you HAVE to go to this? I

Yup!

Unfortunately this is something I really do have to go to. I've missed so much college because of my health and I can't really take time off, our college really isn't that flexible, it's demanding but this is my only shot at college.