Relationship Shut out again perhaps? i am going crazy....help!

[ben1982]

Great reply.
Assuming this is indeed some mental problem. She has to be careful though to make that assumption. She shouldn't act on a assumption alone.

 

[kt17]

Ok let’s assume he has a mental disorder of some sort.

Many of us with a mental illness are f...

I agree. And of course, I do not want to assume anything, but I did feel like he may have been trying to tell me about PTSD when he brought it up, but at the time, perhaps I was a little dismissive because I was not seeing anything really unusual. I just thought he enjoyed a quiet life in isolation. Even when things were going well, he was a little flaky, but I just put it down to him working a lot of hours and being tired. I am past the whole attempt at a relationship and it's not even possible right now. I kind of just want to see how he is doing as I truly cared for him, and I am actually more concerned about his behaviour, as I know he would never mean to hurt me. I am more so keen to see if he is ok, because there is obviously something else going on in his life for him to be behaving like this.

 

[blackemerald1]

Honestly...let's just deal with what we know - or what we are told we know from @kt17.
There is no diagnosis of PTSD.
There is no diagnosis of a mental disorder.
Just a man who clearly works long hours, keeps down a job and obviously goes out to dinner with someone else.
So he's not isolating...not really.

There is an obvious reluctance for this man to connect you @kt17. Apart from this you have no further evidence to base anything on.

He is nice to you when you call but he fails to follow through. Could he be married? Not interested? Does he need to be mentally unwell or have PTSD to not want to see you?

I'm sure you intentions are good. He would make time to meet you if he was interested. He doesn't do this. What does this tell you about you? Why would you need closure when you don't even have a close relationship. I think you should move on or find a therapist for your own issues. You have problems letting go. Let go.

 

[ben1982]

spot on.
There are many other plausible explanations.

A personal experience that's somewhat similar.
I'm somewhat similar to the guy you're talking about. I really did have a traumatic childhood. (not just a assumption) I can function just fine for the most part. But i do have trouble letting people in. So i pull them in. And push them away. Pull, push, pull, push. I had a similar situation with a girl that lasted for 4 years. Believe me that it didn't make her happy. And i only felt guilty for hurting her feelings and wasting 4 years of her life. I loved that girl. But i wasn't ready yet to let somebody inside my walls. And every time she was trying to get in i would push her away. So even if you're right and he has some problem caused by some trauma. You are not helping him or yourself if you hold on.
You can make it clear you're available. You can ask him what's going on and what he wants. But pushing and pulling over and over isn't going to make anyone happy. At one point you have to let go. And that isn't selfish. It's wise.

 

[Freida]

If he wanted to see you he would be the one initiating contact. Plain and simple.
Instead he responds with what you want to hear when you contact him
Maybe he's interested but busy
Maybe he thinks he's being nice
Maybe he feels sorry for you
Maybe he's a total asshole

But if he wanted a relationship he would initiate it the contact.
Right now you are just chasing someone who is running away -- for what ever reason