That sounds like the scariest thing I have ever thought about. I have issues about not being in control of my own body. So I feel like I have to not let myself freak out. I may try it one of these days, I'll let you know
I think we all have that honestly. I am agree it isn't something suitable for all, sometimes you need a helping hand to get there. But the way I did it and was very scared when I finally decided to, but I felt I had no choice because the more I paniced it would just trigger another and another and would have them all day or to the point I was in ER getting shot up with dope on top of meds already on. Mine was 9-10 mg xanax a day with and still did not work, and I am down for 2 days now to 4 mg a day!
My major fear showed up on my porch and since I can't shoot him... Well my husband was there and he is too big a pussy to act like he does or threaten me when a man such as my husband is next to me. I told him where to get off and he left, with my big husband standing next to me with his arms crossed I am certain wishing he would try something with him there.
I started to stumble, dizzy, slurring, could not stand without help once he was gone, and shortly after a friend showed up to take all my kids as I decided this was the mother load of panic coming since he was a major component to my PTSD, talk about a trigger, my attacker who kidnapped, raped and almost killed me in my face. That always makes a womans day now doesn't it?
I had the kids removed as I did not want them to see what I thought lay ahead for me, they had seen so many attacks and this time I was hell bent on not ending up in ER no matter how bad. I layed down after looking at my chart of the sympathetic nervous system which give you all those sensations during fight or flight panic. (can give you a pic that was sent to me if it would help) Reassured myself this is a "normal" response and let it pass. I faced the fears, the thoughts, welcomed the panic did not fight it in any form or try to control it. Every time I fought it I lost so I welcomed it, said come on do your worst, I am ready to do this all night because I know I am safe, I know I would not die. I faced it and faced it down. THIS IS THE COOL PART!
Much to my amazement it did not worsen, did not spiral out of control like usual. It did the opposite of what I thought was in store. It started melting and was gone. I sat there in amazement, tired but amazed. I sat there thinking this it? That was all? The fear of doing it is what makes that step hard, once you do it you see it for what it is and easier to control, because you stop trying to control it. And this was while going through withdrawals to boot. This was a major turning point in my recovery, I could not believe my fear of losing it was what made it worse. You have to do your best to let the fear come and consume and it won't stay for long. It may not happen the first time and is helpful for me at first to have "coach" saying you know it only goes so far, let it have you, you know you are not dying.
Now I can be sitting somewhere have an attack and just need to be left alone for a few minutes for a break to let it have me and it goes... I still get many attacks daily but I use this and it works for me. I don't lose control 99% of the time. We had to average how many panic atacks I get for threapy a month, I get no less than 120 - 200 a month. And do not be surprised at a curve ball. My body said oh these symptoms are not working... try this one, and get something totally new a few times. I just had my first "unreality" symptom the other day, scared the hell out of me and lost it and triggered another attack until my husband said it is just another curve ball, let it have you and I did. Again it passed. I was tired as every time a new symptom shows. But then again attacks do give you a bit of a work out.
If I am sitting somewhere others are totally oblivious to my attacks now if they can't see my hands shaking, I have to tell my husband I need a few minutes, he looks at me and sees my pupils all huge and says oh your having an attack, OK. Like today, as always, I woke in an attack from a bad dream. Normally I don't remember dreams, just always wake up in an attack. I don't even know the last time I woke without my body in an attack. My 2 year old was bouncing on the bed this time while I slept and I called my husband, he looked at me and scooped her up saying my you got a good one your pupils are huge, we will leave you alone, my head was just pounding.
Only kickback I have from it is tension, my headaches have gotten worse so I am trying to learn relaxation, which is hard for me to do. A lot bottled up I am trying to share as my CBT guy told me to do.
As far as out bursts I can't say from my experience it is from an attack but mounting anxiety, but that is in my case as not every one is the same, from bottling up my thoughts. I am supposed to be telling my husband my intrusive thoughts now. Not pleasant... to say the least. Especially when I told him for the first time as we almost never have sex and it triggers an attack because when I normally do my mind goes to the rape, he loved hearing that! NOT. But I expolde at times, it isn't an attack though. From what I am being taught I hold too much in until I just erupt and it does not matter who is in my path. So that is my "home work" this week. My CBT guy told me when you share happy news with a loved one you double your happiness, when you share your grief and fears, you get it out and cut it in half.
I know, very long winded but I hope it can help you. Not everyone is in threapy, but no reason we cannot pass on what we who are in it are being told and learning, it may help others! I hope it helps you! Hugs!
