Sighing

[Nucur]

I have such a problem with sighing especially in the written form unless done in a a way that depicts enjoyment or proper frustration. I think "victim" straight away. It makes me think, "poor me".

As a concept I think it is healthy to grieve and to feel sorry for ourselves within reason but I guess this comes from having been around a martyr, my mother, who used sighing as a weapon.

So I have to check myself and stop myself from letting that get in the way of how I see others. Especially when they do a lot of sighing in their communication with others.

Anything anyone wants to say to help me break this prejudice?

 

[Mete]

It is SO hard to break those mental patters we learned when we were kids. I'm struggling with un-learning all the crap my mom pounded into my head. It's HARD!

Sorry, no real advice though.

 

[Maluri]

I tend to write down when I am sighing. Otherwise how can you know it, but it is not a poor me. I never even consider it as that. Just goes to show how things can reflect differently on a person. They say part of fixing a problem is knowing you have a problem. I have a dozen hangups, at least, and some I have to talk myself through because it isn't the other person's issues it is my own. Let the negative sighing of your mother lie with her unless someone else proves otherwise. Easier said then done.

 

[Nucur]

Thanks Mete and Maluri. :)

Mete, it is really hard. At times I hate myself and I can still feel the little messages popping off in my brain.

Maluri, thanks for sharing. It helps to know that you are not doing the martyr when you write your sighs. I know this on a rational level of course but it seems I still need to fully accept it. You see for me I would never want anyone to know I was sighing!

Can you describe some of the feelings you are expressing when you write it out? That might help me.

 

[Maluri]

Sometimes it is just an acceptance of what is. Sometimes it is that I mean "oh well", but not in a poor, pity party way. Sometimes I'm just sad, but, like I said a poor me type of way. I guess, more then anything, it is an acceptance of the situation of which I am not necessarily happy with. Martyr was a big word in our house, never to be done, so pity parties are a no no. It was always called out if it was witnessed. It sounds like your mom really played the sighs with how she acted afterwards. I can sigh over something lost, but that doesn't mean I'm going to play it out or drag it out. Sounds like her sighs were more for herself then the situation or another person.

Sometimes a person can't help a sigh. I notice that it happens to me sometimes. When I do it out of the blue like that, I'm lucky to have people who ask me what I mean when they aren't sure. It gives me a chance to explain, because, sometimes things aren't wrong. I often sigh at my son's acting goofy, dancing around, etc, because I am marveling at his energy.

I hope this makes sense, because it really is more difficult than it should be for me to explain this. Who would have thought I'd trip over a sigh? ;)

 

[Nucur]

Trip over a sigh. :) Hah! Thanks for sharing.

Since writing this I notice I sigh a fair amount when on my own.

My mother was and is a martyr and used it as a weapon often.

It isn't the obvious positive sighing that is difficult I think. Not sighing from seeing beautiful scenery or something sweet. Its the ones that fall into expressions of distress or frustration I think.

I was thinking the other day that people who are obviously aggressive are so much easier in a way. Than those who pretend to kind or nice but are scheming about how to get you when they can.

 

[Maluri]

Nucur, I hate it when people are two faced. I also have a low self esteemed so sometimes I'm paranoid that even a nice person might not be real. There is a sigh for you right there after that sentence. I'm working through it. Just remember not everyone is like your mother!

 

[Nucur]

Thanks Maluri. :)