So, a long time ago I dated someone who had PTSD and a host of other issues that he wouldn't address. I left that situation and (thought) I'd left behind PTSD for good.
Guess not...
Been dating this guy for about 10 months but we've known each other for almost 2 years. During the two years I've known him, he did an overseas contract for about 6 months (recently). Former military, had done a tour in Iraq about 8 years ago and seemingly had no current issues as a result. In fact, he told me about him having PTSD and that h visits his counselor/group monthly because it's not as big a part of his life as it used to be once he returned from Iraq. I thought, "okay..." I've tread lightly which is why we've only dated for almost one year as opposed to longer. I took my time to get to know him.
We started dating about a month or two before he went overseas and then kept in contact via Skype. He's been back for about 3 months now. Recently, I learned that while there, he developed feelings for someone else. I'm like "okay...." We were just staring out together so I was inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. We communicated about it and he said he wasn't interested in pursuing anything with her in the long run and he could see himself with me so he ended it before things went too far.
Relationship wise, everything with us has been fine. (or so I thought) Nothing alarming. No late night texts from other women. No other women all over his social media sites. We spent time regularly, gave each other space when needed, met each other's friends/family (just siblings, but not the whole extended fam) and so on. Nothing out of the ordinary
So, today he hits me with news that he might visit her soon because he wants "closure." I told him what he could do with his closure and we haven't spoken since then, despite some attempts to do so on his part.
I recalled back to the days of my ex and thought about when patterns of BS would emerge and it was always as a result of stress and having to make decisions. Everyone is different, but sure enough this new guy is stressed about finding work, upset about stuff that his recent contract ended, unsure about what he wants to do with the rest of his life, etc. Because of my last go-round, I'm not here for the BS. At all. I'm not sure if this is even something that is as the result of PTSD or if he's just a jerk. Because we started out as friends, I'm just wondering if it would set off a firestorm if I were to suggest that he see his counselor to discuss his latest actions sooner than later. I'm kind of out the door on the relationship part, as much as that kills me. But as a friend, I'm kinda concerned about this 180 in his behavior and the stress level in his life overall.
Also, as far as other signs of PTSD, I can tell you he's easily startled at times, won't watch war movies (but I hate them as well so...) can get a bit moody and withdrawn at times and can ruminate like no one's business. However. LOTS of people have those same traits and it's not as a result of PTSD. Not sure if I should be attributing any of his actions to that or if he's just some classic cheating dirtbag.
Thoughts?
Guess not...
Been dating this guy for about 10 months but we've known each other for almost 2 years. During the two years I've known him, he did an overseas contract for about 6 months (recently). Former military, had done a tour in Iraq about 8 years ago and seemingly had no current issues as a result. In fact, he told me about him having PTSD and that h visits his counselor/group monthly because it's not as big a part of his life as it used to be once he returned from Iraq. I thought, "okay..." I've tread lightly which is why we've only dated for almost one year as opposed to longer. I took my time to get to know him.
We started dating about a month or two before he went overseas and then kept in contact via Skype. He's been back for about 3 months now. Recently, I learned that while there, he developed feelings for someone else. I'm like "okay...." We were just staring out together so I was inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. We communicated about it and he said he wasn't interested in pursuing anything with her in the long run and he could see himself with me so he ended it before things went too far.
Relationship wise, everything with us has been fine. (or so I thought) Nothing alarming. No late night texts from other women. No other women all over his social media sites. We spent time regularly, gave each other space when needed, met each other's friends/family (just siblings, but not the whole extended fam) and so on. Nothing out of the ordinary
So, today he hits me with news that he might visit her soon because he wants "closure." I told him what he could do with his closure and we haven't spoken since then, despite some attempts to do so on his part.
I recalled back to the days of my ex and thought about when patterns of BS would emerge and it was always as a result of stress and having to make decisions. Everyone is different, but sure enough this new guy is stressed about finding work, upset about stuff that his recent contract ended, unsure about what he wants to do with the rest of his life, etc. Because of my last go-round, I'm not here for the BS. At all. I'm not sure if this is even something that is as the result of PTSD or if he's just a jerk. Because we started out as friends, I'm just wondering if it would set off a firestorm if I were to suggest that he see his counselor to discuss his latest actions sooner than later. I'm kind of out the door on the relationship part, as much as that kills me. But as a friend, I'm kinda concerned about this 180 in his behavior and the stress level in his life overall.
Also, as far as other signs of PTSD, I can tell you he's easily startled at times, won't watch war movies (but I hate them as well so...) can get a bit moody and withdrawn at times and can ruminate like no one's business. However. LOTS of people have those same traits and it's not as a result of PTSD. Not sure if I should be attributing any of his actions to that or if he's just some classic cheating dirtbag.
Thoughts?
