Sitting In My Office Crying

[Digz]

So, I screwed up at work today. Probably not a big deal and anyone else would brush it off. My supervisor just had a word to me and it was all friendly - but for me, it was horrible. Nobody likes making mistakes and certainly nobody likes getting pulled up on them, but me? I went back to my office and bawled. Proper, head down on the table bawling and I found it hard to stop.
When I was young I was told I was treated as if I was worthless and I was constantly told all the things that were wrong with me. I was also taught that nothing but perfect was good enough.
Making mistakes is like confirmation of the fact that I'm a pathetic loser and a complete idiot, just like I was taught.
Of course, as a grown woman, now I know logically that everyone makes mistakes. Still, this feeling that I'm a piece of dirt because I screwed up, somehow burns within me and keeps bringing tears to my eyes.
I know, for the days and weeks to come, no matter what I do, my mind will keep coming back to this and abusing me because of this mistake.

 

[Friday]

Is a reframe possible? If you were taught you were a worthless pathetic loser for making mistakes, can you look at each mistake from here forward as an opportunity to reteach those lessons?

***

My son was on the most amazing baseball team a few years ago. I would come to practices just to listen to the coaches. An ER doc & a lawyer, and 2 of the most motivational / solid / good people I've ever met. People you want in your kids lives like air.

So these are kids... They're making 10,000 mistakes a minute (slight exaggeration). And the coaches? Are calling them on each of them.

ER Doc - "I love it! I love it! Great/Awesome/Fantastic________ (insert whatever part of the mistake went well. Whether it was enthusiasm, or looking, or quick recovery, or... Really, and 1 of 100's of things). No matter how bad the screw up? He always found something the kid did right, & "I love it! I love it!" :inlove:

Lawyer - "Next play!" ... Didn't matter what the screw up, he taught them to think ahead. This moment went badly, but it's gone, what's the next moment going to be? Past is gone, so what do we do now?. "Next play! Next play! There's always a next play!" :D

It was kind of a BadNewsBears kind of team. All the reject, crap players, & late-starting first time players -maybe 1/3 of the team was medically fragile- who didn't get picked during the tryouts. We won the championship that year. That team, with those 2 jaw droppingly awesome coaches who build kids up like nobody's business....has placed first or second in every championship since. ((My ex has refused to let my son play on that team ever again, but he can't stand anything that makes my son happy or gives him confidence)).

Sometimes I imagine these 2 blokes when I'm down on myself. What would Doc's I LOVE IT! be, and what would Lawyer's NEXT PLAY be?

 

[Digz]

Thanks for that @FridayJones - great advice. I'm actually a teacher and I do that for the kids - always find the positive, always look for what they can do - but never for myself. Although, I have gotten better at it (once I couldn't actually say the words "I am good at X" - it would fill me full of so much anxiety. I can do that nowadays, so I guess there has been progress... this is just the next step - to learn not to beat myself up over any or all mistakes... to learn to think of the I LOVE IT! or the NEXT PLAY!

 

[maelstrom]

Hugs to you! I really understand this, and you shouldn't blame yourself for reacting this way. We all have things that trigger us and bring out overwhelming emotions, and those things could be completely insignificant to another person. One thing that has helped me in the past is journaling. I don't know if you have tried that? Try to write about how you feel and why you think you are worthless. Then, on another page, write down a list of things you have actually accomplished, from the smallest things to the bigger things. For this second task you should focus on facts, not how you feel. Then compare the notes, and you will see that your image of yourself does not really match what the facts show. Hope you feel better soon!!