General Sleeping Pills

[NewWife777]

My husband has many prescriptions, one is for the sleeping pill temazepam. He always has difficulty sleeping, he actually tells people, "if I can't sleep, my wife can't sleep". When he can't sleep he stays up and tells me random stories, or shows me pictures on FB. When we first got together times like that are when we really got to know each other. Anyways, the point of this is that when his sleep pill doesn't work he always wants to take a second one. He is not supposed to, his doctor specifically said it was dangerous even deadly to take two, however after not being able to sleep for a few nights he doesn't care. I am usually the one to get him the second pill. I'm paranoid that I could be the one that gives him an overdose. He takes morphine daily for his pain, and usually takes more of that then he's supposed to as well. When I mention that he might be taking too many pills he tells me, "I'm in pain" or "I need to sleep". I just don't know the best way to address this. What are your thoughts?

 

[kahlan]

That's definitely a hard position! You want him to be comfortable but in doing so could harm him or kill him! For the pain, has he seen a pain specialist? That may be helpful for managing especially if the opiates he's on (morphine) is less effective because of chemical tolerance. Sleeping pills can have the same result (tolerance) making them less effective. Try talking to his dr. or having your fella talk to his dr. about different alternatives that may be available (pain specialist, backing off sleeping pill and trying a new one) and work together to maybe research relaxation techniques (aromatherapy, grounding techniques) to help with both( sleep can't happen in an alert state and pain can seem more intense when stressed) . good luck

 

[franciemarnie]

You might consider researching online the effects of too much morphine (unpredictably depresses respiratory system which can unpredictably stop breathing completely and definitively and forever) and tranquilizers. It is deadly. Then I would give that info to your husband.

He has developed a tolerance for the sleeping pills. It will only continue to get worse, and then he will be stuck with having to take the pills just to feel normal without it having any sleep inducing effect.

I speak as one who knows from having once been an addict. I also know generally people don't quit until they "have to", when it hurts bad enough. For me it was when I got to the point of having to take the pills only so I didn't withdraw. They didn't have any beneficial effect anymore.

If it were me, I would not give anyone their second pill. I am sorry you have to go thru this. Please take care of yourself.

 

[nursenurse]

Let him be responsible for taking his own meds. He is putting you in an awful position, one you don't deserve to be in. If they are not working, then he needs to see his doctor to find another medication, there are many more out there, and it is a crap shoot. What works for one may not work for another. Temazepam is related to Valium and Ativan etc. and thus has the potential for dependence and addiction. He should not just arbitrarily up his own dose. He needs to keep going back to the doctor ad nauseum, until he finds what works, which should also include some sort of mental health therapy. Counselling can be a huge help in helping to address sleep issues, and would include things like sleep hygiene, stress reduction and such. Good luck :)

 

[Hashi]

He is not supposed to, his doctor specifically said it was dangerous even deadly to take two, however after not being able to sleep for a few nights he doesn't care. I am usually the one to get him the second pill.

I hope it's OK to ask - who is losing caution here? I realise you may be feeling desperately for him, rather than acting from your own interests. But I still feel uncomfortable about how involved you seem to be in this. Not only in his medication but also seeming to participate so much in his sleeplessness.

Do you feel you have sufficient boundaries in the relationship between his issues, and your needs and self-care? That isn't a judgement, it's a genuine question because I don't know where you are with that.

 

[NewWife777]

He is 80% disabled from the va. He is supposed to go to a pain clinic, but he tends to cancel his appointments if I don't go with him, and I have used up so much of my vacation time already. If I leave him responsible he won't take his antidepressants. I have realized in the last week that I have fallen into co-dependent behavior. I have to work on that. I'm just feeling lost.

 

[87ofme]

I'm maried to a 100% disabled Vietnam Vet who has PTSD and pain too plus he has heart issues which he refuses to address thru exercise or diet. My guy also tries to put all of his healthcare issues and needs onto me which is not right. He wants to advocate all responsability onto me. As in if he gains weight or his blood pressure is high then it must be my fault. I kinda just stopped. The only way to win is not to play the game. I do not do his meds box anymore. He still has no idea what he takes or what it's for but he needs to accept some degree of personal responsability for himself. Just my input there.....hope it helps.

 

[NewWife777]

87ofme, thank you for your reply! He also has a TBI so he has a bad memory. I always do his pill box for him, and in the beginning I let him be responsible for taking his meds. More often than not, I would come home from work and his meds were still in the pill box. Now he takes his anti-depressants every day which has helped a ton, but he still has anger issues. He thought I got an "attitude" last night with him. I told him I was entitled to my own thoughts and feelings and he hung up on me. When we talked next it was like nothing happened....

 

[87ofme]

Yea I deal with that one too. I got extremely mad at mine once recently and said the worst thing I've ever said to another human being. I told him that he'd better hope he did not get into heaven cause if he did, I was going to be standing there at the pearly gates with a lightening bolt to shove up his; well you get the general idea. It was as if I'd never said anything. Totally blew me away! No reaction or response at all. He never missed a beat.

A few years ago mine was throwing one of these temper tantrums that would make a 2 year old sit up and take notes on how it's done; so he's standing over me yelling at the top of his lungs and I couldn't get it out of him what he was so mad at me about when all of a sudden it hit me...he looks just like Baby Huey the cartoon character. Suddenly he didn't seem so big and bad anymore! Of course I cracked up, which just served to make him madder but eventually he got over it, whatever "it" was. I don't share this image with him, I just keep it to myself for the next big blow up.

 

[NewWife777]

OMG! Sometimes I imagine him as a toddler throwing a tantrum which is exactly what he reminds me of. Of course a bigger, meaner toddler.