Sufferer So Apparently I Have Ptsd?

[BlueBear]

Hey guys, I'm a 21 year old male and I've just been diagnosed with PTSD after a severe battle with depression, suicide attempts and alcohol abuse.

I've had a pretty rough start, my mothers own mental disorder and drug abuse caused her to not only attempt suicide by self-immolation in front of me, but then try and kill me and my brother by dragging us to sea. My father was my only carer, a huge and significant role model to me. He gave up his successful business, his money and his every waking moment to ensure me and my brother had the best upbringing possible.

In the last couple of years my father developed Small cell lung cancer. His body was quickly giving up but he always stayed strong and made everyone laugh and never once shed a tear in front of us. On 28th of September me and my brother watched helplessly as he drew his last breath. I had no idea what to do, I tried to hold back my emotions to stay strong for my brother but this only became a huge problem.

This sadly was not the end of but the start of my problems. The council quickly swooped in and within a couple of weeks were demanding huge sums of money we didn't have and we're processing an eviction as the property was in my fathers name and not ours. They took our family home and caused me to go into a huge amount of debt for my salary.

I kept everything to myself until it was becoming to late, I had blamed myself for my fathers death, losing our home and my own sickness. I took several overdoses and took alcohol to try and forget my problems. I eventually ended up in hospital for my own protection and now I'm trying my best to recover however there is still a long way to go.

Sorry for the long winded post, this really was the single hardest thing I've typed.

 

[RussH]

Thank you for sharing your story. I know that writing things like this can be very hard, but you did a good job.
Have you been diagnosed with PTSD? If so, have you started therapy?
This forum is a good place to meet people who understand how you are feeling, and all the garbage you are dealing with, so you find good support here. Again welcome to the forum.

 

[Jane.l]

Sorry you have had to go through so much . I am sure that was very tough to type but it's written very eloquently . Hope this forum helps you as much as it helps me .

 

[BlueBear]

Have you been diagnosed with PTSD? If so, have you started therapy?

Recieved the diagnosis yesterday with therapy starting on 31st. Seems like a long wait but not sure what to expect from it :(

Hope this forum helps you as much as it helps me .

i'm looking forward to finding out more about PTSD and the people on this forum.

 

[jcat]

Very well written message. Being able to open up is hard. You did open with details and most don't. That's a very very good sign and lends to real progress when you start therapy. Please remember that you need to feel very comfortable with your therapist and it's okay to change therapists to find one you really click with. If you're are having difficulty opening up group therapy is also good. I know that sounds odd but you don't have to talk if you don't want to and being with a group of people that you can truly relate to does help. You don't feel so alone and can even build a support net. A friend to call when it gets overwhelming.

Welcome and best wishes

 

[RussH]

not sure what to expect from it

Your first session will be mostly getting to know one another, and going over your history (most likely)
Ask questions. Ask your therapist what the treatment is, what you can expect during the treatments, and what the goals for the treatment are.
They should be able to answer your questions, and give you a fair idea of what to expect.

I am glad you are starting therapy. It may seem like rough going at times, but in the end it will help you.
In the meantime keep us posted on how you are doing.

 

[Powder]

Bluebear,

You sound like a wonderful brother, trying to hold in the storm to protect him from the brunt of your pain. That is a beautiful moment in your story. I'd like you to focus on who you are exemplified in that act of self-sacrifice. It would have been easy and probably more healthy for you to let your pain surface and pour out. And that would have been okay. But you, in that pain, had room left over in your heart for him and his feelings. And you are young.

I already know from this moment that you have greatness in you to succeed beyond the vision of your father and to lead the family. You've always had to be strong, but that will look different now. That's good, and you have only to keep going.

You were feeling helpless to stop your father's last breath. Some things are well beyond our power or control, but all we ever get to master is inside of us. As someone nearing her late 30s, who nearly fell apart at 21, too, (a terrible year for me as well) I think you hit the bottom and will now begin the ascent up the mountain.

Your losses have been great, far greater than most, and, quite frankly, I think you are far greater than most to have survived it all and posted what you did. Don't ever forget that.

 

[ghotiff]

My advice for starting therapy is that you do not need to disclose much in the beginning and I made the mistake of disclosing too much too fast.

Welcome and good luck.

 

[BlueBear]

Thank you for the kind words and advice. I know I've got a very long way to go, still but I'm ready for the fight.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi @BlueBear and welcome. I appreciate that you are here for PTSD information, but it also struck me about your financial difficulties at such a young age. Have you been in touch with citizens advice or some other free money advice charity. They really are very good and can lead you through your rights.it is dreadful to have all that to worry about on top of the trauma.

I also agree with what others have said about therapy. It may seem frustratingly slow in the beginning and you want to rush through. But it's like that for a very good reason - so that you do not get overwhelmed. I am sure you will also have read that you will feel worse before you get better. When you are prepared for that it helps you not to see it as a failure or setback. It is what we have all been through.

 

[BlueBear]

@Lucycat I have a debt management plan with step change. However they've increased my bills with less debt, so I'm a bit worried as to their motives and waiting for a response.

 

[intothelight]

@BlueBear Welcome to the forum!

The first post is usually the hardest and you did a great job of overcoming your fear and opening up. I hope you find this site beneficial to your healing.