So depressed I'm staring at the wall. It's still not moving so it's time to get me moving!

[Justmehere]

This is a rough wave of depression.
Not much else to say about it.
It sucks. Trying to shake it off.

 

[Friday]

Depeessin for sure??? ...or... Rebound/recoil/protective-numbing/rebalancing following big relationship "things". Happening in quick succession. Echoing each other.

(T not believing, not listening; & your friendly neighborhood emotional hostage taker, whose passing anxieties obscure their ability to believe in other people's lives being real, much less act like it).

Don't get me wrong, I'd totally buy this is 100% depression.

As well as quasi-(or riptide)-cum-flashback of lying perfectly still, a prisoner in a box ...(this is me projecting, I was either very alive/vibrant in my box, or? Not )... Waiting. waiting to become "real". In between worlds.

Or? One seriously f*cked up frosted fluffy beflowered layer cake of any/all/and/or other things all going on.

Regardless? Depression Alone or in company? Trust your instincts on best next moves. Seize the moment to move, or revel in the stillness.

 

[Survivor3]

@Justmehere can you be kind to yourself? Eat well, take yourself out to do something, have a walk around, think about doing something or getting involved with something?

 

[Justmehere]

I pretty much crawled into bed after the wall stare and woke up angry crying. Ah fun. Why? I have no idea...

...except all the things.

(T not believing, not listening; & your friendly neighborhood emotional hostage taker, whose passing anxieties obscure their ability to believe in other people's lives being real, much less act like it).

Yeah, like that. Plus the loss of loved ones. Which uh, okay, fair point made.

I'm a cluster of sad and not-okay.

@Justmehere can you be kind to yourself? Eat well, take yourself out to do something, have a walk around, think about doing something or getting involved with something?

I did eat breakfast. Okay, so I started with a slice of chocolate cake but then had oatmeal so hey, balanced right?

My dog needs walks... so I'm trying to get it together to do that and then another round of medical appointments.

Thanks for being kind when I'm still trying to find a way through.

 

[Survivor3]

Eating anything is good when not well, at least better than nothing! Well done you! Also walking your dog, good for your dog and for you to be outside.

 

[Justmehere]

Staring at the wall again. Re-read this,

I think it’s a lot of exhaustion, numb, overwhelm. I was frustrated before and shifted to deep despair and then blankness.

Time to take some B-12, caffeine, and go jump in a cold pool.

 

[Sideways]

Time to take some B-12, caffeine, and go jump in a cold pool.

You’re allowed to lower those expectations.

A jump in the pool would be sensational if you can muster it, and exactly the kind of physical activity (combined with wicked grounding!) that a depressed brain craves.

But in my wall-staring moments? Exercise is usually unrealistic. So if the pool idea is setting you up for failure? Lower the expectations. A happy medium for me? Was removing myself to somewhere there’d be something nice to stare at. A park. A river. A cool tree (I have favourite trees all over the city!). Simple goal: go out somewhere and stare.

That very often ends in something more for me, like picking up something different for dinner, or grabbing a coffee. Which means that I over-achieve on the goal I set. Rather than fail, which is something that would give my version of depression something to stew on for days!

 

[Justmehere]

Well you predicted outcomes well! Ha

I did make it to the pool but only got as far as putting my feet in and just sort of sitting there. Staring at pool water is at least better than the wall? The cold water is grounding. My dog seems happy laying next to me.

I’m fighting to hold in tears, feet in the water, as I type. Goodness. Grief and depression sucks. .

Thanks for helping me feel less like a failure.

Still aiming for the dog walk… but if it ends up just being the walk over to the water’s edge… at least it’s something.

 

[Sideways]

Staring at pool water is at least better than the wall? The cold water is grounding. My dog seems happy laying next to me.

You’ve answered your own question here. Yes, staring at pool water is better than staring at the wall. And if staring at the wall is where you’re starting, then it’s rock solid achievement territory. Tears and all. Fk what the world is thinking about it, because you made it to the pool today. Achievement is based on where you are, not where you think you should be.