- Post starter
- #61
Ok..going for it. ;)
Honestly I don’t know what to share. I know there is so much I could say..& even want to say..but I just don’t know how helpful a lot of it would be. Bear in mind that I am not a qualified counsellor, psychologist..or anything for that matter..regarding this field. And although I have been a fierce ‘researcher’ on the topic in the past, I am well aware that it doesn’t even come close to actually being educated on it. I just wanted to be an example for evidence or proof that it can be done, for anyone who may be seeking it. I do not claim to have all the answers & I definitely do not want to lead anyone a stray. I can only share what is & has been true for me.
I will continue to take my lead from the posts raised, for as long as there are any & happy to answer any questions, the best I can.
Joey..I believe you asked about what strategies I still use today & there has also been some talk about what recovered/healed/cured etc means for me (if I have overlooked anything else, please feel free to let me know). The best way I can explain it, for me, would be that when you put something into practice often enough & for long enough, it becomes a part of who you are..second nature or automatic, if you will. It changes who you are. You are different, therefore you respond differently. For example, once you have learnt & mastered how to ride a bike, I challenge anyone to try & unlearn it & see how far you can get. And this is why the ‘always at risk’ or ‘susceptible’ thinking just doesn’t work. It’s also one of the reasons why I say..just keep doing the work. After awhile (& that may very well be a long while), it starts to become apparent that at the heart of every ptsd recovery practice/strategy/modality (if that’s even the right word), lies a good, healthy coping mechanism. Personally, I believe these strategies should be taught in every school. When you start getting this stuff down, by default you can only become more resilient as a result of it. I don’t understand the confusion, of how, by developing a new, healthy, coping mechanism, one that wasn’t there before, how you could not possibly become anything else but. And then, when you continue to add more.. & more.. & more..until one day, there just isn’t anymore to do (well, with regard to ptsd anyway). I find that you can undo progress, but it is very difficult to undo change. In order to ‘undo’ change I find that I need to implement & develop a new form of change to replace it. And that has proven to be just as difficult as it is was to achieve the desired change in the first place.
I was just going to touch on this, but then I wondered if it might help someone else in the way that it has really served me. And someone might be dealing with this as well & till this day I have never heard it explained in a more helpful or meaningful way. It’s probably a little long winded but if you bear with me, there is a point in the end.
Many years before I was diagnosed with ptsd, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. The doctor at the time wanted to put me on anti-depressants & I was unsure about taking medication. So he explained it to me something like this. The brain produces certain chemicals that regulate our mood & our mood determines how we perceive the world. How we perceive the world determines how we feel & how we feel determines what we say, do, behave, etc. It’s why on a good day you can stub your toe & think ‘oh well.. that’s annoying’ & not give it another thought for rest of the day, & on a bad day, when you might be struggling a little or tired & run down, you can stub your toe & think ‘why does this always happen to me’, ‘nothing ever works out for me’, ‘why do I even bother’, & so on. And I could relate. He went on to say that essentially the brain is a muscle much like the other muscles in our bodies in the way that when it is over worked or strained, fatigue or injury can set in. He said, have a think about what would happen if you were to pick up a shovel & go dig up a whole paddock full of spuds, on your own & after not having gotten off the couch in years. More than likely it’s going to hurt afterwards & if you’re lucky, you may have only developed a few strains & sprains in the process. He said that sometimes when we experience a major event in our life or maybe many smaller significant events over a long period of time, it can have a similar effect as this, to the brain. And when the brain becomes fatigued, or is ‘injured’, it can affect the chemicals that it produces & cause an imbalance to occur. Anti-depressants help to correct this imbalance & bring the chemical levels in your brain back up to a more ‘normal’ range. He was also very clear that this will not solve the problem but should help to get my symptoms under control & manageable, so that I could be in a position to do the work that I needed to do & that would help. He also advised that I would only need to take them for as long as they were needed. And I asked how long would that be, which he answered, as long as it takes until you can stop taking the medication & the symptoms don’t return. To me, this is the difference between recovering & no longer having ‘it’. I guess you could also say that this is where my mental health work ethic was first established. And it never did return..not even during my ptsd recovery. When I was going through ptsd I had bouts of depression & was suicidal at times, but this is not the same as clinical depression. And even though clinical depression is considered a mood disorder & ptsd comes under the umbrella of an anxiety disorder (although personally I believe a more accurate description is stress disorder), I did apply the same approach & thinking to overcoming both.
Realising that ptsd is not my trauma, was really important for me. And it was so hard to differentiate between the two while I was in the thick of it. And yes they are connected but they are two entirely different things. You cannot change your trauma..but you can change how you respond to it or how you are responding to the world in & around you. Don’t get me wrong, there are affects & consequences as a result of the trauma that I still do & may well always have to live with. But they are not ptsd. For example, I have ongoing health problems & complications from the physical trauma done to my body at the time. And to this day I am still unable to regulate time & space. I cannot, as in I just can’t do it, tell how much time has passed or estimate the measure of a distance (any distance no matter how large or small), anywhere near accurately enough for it to be of any use at all. And there are others. And actually, truth be told, the reality of overcoming ptsd for me, is that it was just one of the many steps that I had to take to get to where I am today. For me, the sooner I could see ptsd for what it was & know what it wasn’t, the less scary & confusing things became.
An example of tackling ptsd in a similar way as I did with overcoming clinical depression, would probably be something like this (& I do hope that I can do the process some justice here). For me, my therapy sessions were more like the training grounds where I would be equipped with the skills & tools that I would need to stay safe & ultimately get the job done. I found that it was what I did outside of those sessions, when no one else was around, that made all the difference. And this, in the end, equipped me to be able to manage my symptoms enough to be able to sit in them & know that I was ok. Being able to do this afforded me the opportunity & capability to be able to do the ‘real’ work.
I think this, would be a good illustration of what the ‘real’ work could look like for me. Again, this was years before I was diagnosed with ptsd & it was at the start of my work life, where I was working for Human Services & a significant event had taken place in the Dept.. Afterwards, they had called in a ‘debriefer’ (I’m pretty sure this isn’t the right word), to talk with us. During this meeting, & I can’t remember what the question was that sparked it, he shared a story with us that has stayed with me. He told us of the time that he was the ‘head debriefer’ (???) called to the scene of the Hoddle St massacre & how one of the women who had survived the attack really struggled with coming to terms with the death of one of her co-workers. She continued with some counselling afterwards & he spoke of how, for all intents & purposes, she was pretty well fine except for this one thing. She just couldn’t get past how angry she was with him for remaining so calm during the attack & not helping himself. She honestly believed he would still be alive if he had. Apparently when the shooting started, there was absolute mayhem & chaos, bullets flying, people screaming & running everywhere. She had gotten behind a cabinet, or something, & when she turned & saw him, she couldn’t believe how nonchalantly he just leaned back onto the wall & quietly & gently slid down onto his bum & just stayed there. She had kept yelling at him to move & get out of the way & could not understand why he wouldn’t get up. And they had talked about this for some months & every now & then she would also make a comment about how she couldn’t get over how white his shirt had looked. It was bright white, it was so bright & white, she would say. Until one day, she finally realised that the reason he had behaved the way that he had was because he had been shot & that his shirt was not white at all, but rather completely red with blood. He also went on to say that he had always known the details of how this man had died because he was there on the day, but that it was not his place to inform her. He put it something like this. Sometimes when we are not prepared to or do not want to see the truth, the mind will block it out. And when we are ready or able to cope with it, it will reveal itself accordingly.
It was this kind of stuff that I found to be the ‘real’ work. And the more I did, the less severe my symptoms became, the less often they would occur & there would be less of them. I also noticed that the severity of my symptoms often didn’t reflect the severity of the source that they came from. With avoidance tendencies being one of the biggest problems to overcome with ptsd, when I would ignore them & didn’t want to do the work, the symptoms would get louder & louder & louder, until I did. And if I still didn’t do the work, then they would start adding up as well. A world of hell. I also noticed that with the ones that would arise from a source that truly was that severe, that the symptoms would also get worse & worse the closer I got it, but more like the pressure was building before the break through. And then there were other times when I would reach a new level of safety, either within myself or in my life, & a bunch would come to the surface all at once. And I had to learn to welcome these for what they were…opportunities for healing, reclaiming parts of myself & my life, for making better decisions & choices & realising some things that were about as easy to come to grips with as learning to breath under water without drowning. I learnt that my symptoms were often the roadmap to my recovery. They showed me what to work on & when & being able to sit in them, showed me the ‘why’ & the root. And I learnt to ask better questions during it all. I found the better the quality of the question I asked, the better the quality of the answers I got & sped the process up as well.
Mind you..it wasn’t all this obvious at the time & is definitely clearer looking back now. :tup:
Honestly I don’t know what to share. I know there is so much I could say..& even want to say..but I just don’t know how helpful a lot of it would be. Bear in mind that I am not a qualified counsellor, psychologist..or anything for that matter..regarding this field. And although I have been a fierce ‘researcher’ on the topic in the past, I am well aware that it doesn’t even come close to actually being educated on it. I just wanted to be an example for evidence or proof that it can be done, for anyone who may be seeking it. I do not claim to have all the answers & I definitely do not want to lead anyone a stray. I can only share what is & has been true for me.
I will continue to take my lead from the posts raised, for as long as there are any & happy to answer any questions, the best I can.
Joey..I believe you asked about what strategies I still use today & there has also been some talk about what recovered/healed/cured etc means for me (if I have overlooked anything else, please feel free to let me know). The best way I can explain it, for me, would be that when you put something into practice often enough & for long enough, it becomes a part of who you are..second nature or automatic, if you will. It changes who you are. You are different, therefore you respond differently. For example, once you have learnt & mastered how to ride a bike, I challenge anyone to try & unlearn it & see how far you can get. And this is why the ‘always at risk’ or ‘susceptible’ thinking just doesn’t work. It’s also one of the reasons why I say..just keep doing the work. After awhile (& that may very well be a long while), it starts to become apparent that at the heart of every ptsd recovery practice/strategy/modality (if that’s even the right word), lies a good, healthy coping mechanism. Personally, I believe these strategies should be taught in every school. When you start getting this stuff down, by default you can only become more resilient as a result of it. I don’t understand the confusion, of how, by developing a new, healthy, coping mechanism, one that wasn’t there before, how you could not possibly become anything else but. And then, when you continue to add more.. & more.. & more..until one day, there just isn’t anymore to do (well, with regard to ptsd anyway). I find that you can undo progress, but it is very difficult to undo change. In order to ‘undo’ change I find that I need to implement & develop a new form of change to replace it. And that has proven to be just as difficult as it is was to achieve the desired change in the first place.
I was just going to touch on this, but then I wondered if it might help someone else in the way that it has really served me. And someone might be dealing with this as well & till this day I have never heard it explained in a more helpful or meaningful way. It’s probably a little long winded but if you bear with me, there is a point in the end.
Many years before I was diagnosed with ptsd, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. The doctor at the time wanted to put me on anti-depressants & I was unsure about taking medication. So he explained it to me something like this. The brain produces certain chemicals that regulate our mood & our mood determines how we perceive the world. How we perceive the world determines how we feel & how we feel determines what we say, do, behave, etc. It’s why on a good day you can stub your toe & think ‘oh well.. that’s annoying’ & not give it another thought for rest of the day, & on a bad day, when you might be struggling a little or tired & run down, you can stub your toe & think ‘why does this always happen to me’, ‘nothing ever works out for me’, ‘why do I even bother’, & so on. And I could relate. He went on to say that essentially the brain is a muscle much like the other muscles in our bodies in the way that when it is over worked or strained, fatigue or injury can set in. He said, have a think about what would happen if you were to pick up a shovel & go dig up a whole paddock full of spuds, on your own & after not having gotten off the couch in years. More than likely it’s going to hurt afterwards & if you’re lucky, you may have only developed a few strains & sprains in the process. He said that sometimes when we experience a major event in our life or maybe many smaller significant events over a long period of time, it can have a similar effect as this, to the brain. And when the brain becomes fatigued, or is ‘injured’, it can affect the chemicals that it produces & cause an imbalance to occur. Anti-depressants help to correct this imbalance & bring the chemical levels in your brain back up to a more ‘normal’ range. He was also very clear that this will not solve the problem but should help to get my symptoms under control & manageable, so that I could be in a position to do the work that I needed to do & that would help. He also advised that I would only need to take them for as long as they were needed. And I asked how long would that be, which he answered, as long as it takes until you can stop taking the medication & the symptoms don’t return. To me, this is the difference between recovering & no longer having ‘it’. I guess you could also say that this is where my mental health work ethic was first established. And it never did return..not even during my ptsd recovery. When I was going through ptsd I had bouts of depression & was suicidal at times, but this is not the same as clinical depression. And even though clinical depression is considered a mood disorder & ptsd comes under the umbrella of an anxiety disorder (although personally I believe a more accurate description is stress disorder), I did apply the same approach & thinking to overcoming both.
Realising that ptsd is not my trauma, was really important for me. And it was so hard to differentiate between the two while I was in the thick of it. And yes they are connected but they are two entirely different things. You cannot change your trauma..but you can change how you respond to it or how you are responding to the world in & around you. Don’t get me wrong, there are affects & consequences as a result of the trauma that I still do & may well always have to live with. But they are not ptsd. For example, I have ongoing health problems & complications from the physical trauma done to my body at the time. And to this day I am still unable to regulate time & space. I cannot, as in I just can’t do it, tell how much time has passed or estimate the measure of a distance (any distance no matter how large or small), anywhere near accurately enough for it to be of any use at all. And there are others. And actually, truth be told, the reality of overcoming ptsd for me, is that it was just one of the many steps that I had to take to get to where I am today. For me, the sooner I could see ptsd for what it was & know what it wasn’t, the less scary & confusing things became.
An example of tackling ptsd in a similar way as I did with overcoming clinical depression, would probably be something like this (& I do hope that I can do the process some justice here). For me, my therapy sessions were more like the training grounds where I would be equipped with the skills & tools that I would need to stay safe & ultimately get the job done. I found that it was what I did outside of those sessions, when no one else was around, that made all the difference. And this, in the end, equipped me to be able to manage my symptoms enough to be able to sit in them & know that I was ok. Being able to do this afforded me the opportunity & capability to be able to do the ‘real’ work.
I think this, would be a good illustration of what the ‘real’ work could look like for me. Again, this was years before I was diagnosed with ptsd & it was at the start of my work life, where I was working for Human Services & a significant event had taken place in the Dept.. Afterwards, they had called in a ‘debriefer’ (I’m pretty sure this isn’t the right word), to talk with us. During this meeting, & I can’t remember what the question was that sparked it, he shared a story with us that has stayed with me. He told us of the time that he was the ‘head debriefer’ (???) called to the scene of the Hoddle St massacre & how one of the women who had survived the attack really struggled with coming to terms with the death of one of her co-workers. She continued with some counselling afterwards & he spoke of how, for all intents & purposes, she was pretty well fine except for this one thing. She just couldn’t get past how angry she was with him for remaining so calm during the attack & not helping himself. She honestly believed he would still be alive if he had. Apparently when the shooting started, there was absolute mayhem & chaos, bullets flying, people screaming & running everywhere. She had gotten behind a cabinet, or something, & when she turned & saw him, she couldn’t believe how nonchalantly he just leaned back onto the wall & quietly & gently slid down onto his bum & just stayed there. She had kept yelling at him to move & get out of the way & could not understand why he wouldn’t get up. And they had talked about this for some months & every now & then she would also make a comment about how she couldn’t get over how white his shirt had looked. It was bright white, it was so bright & white, she would say. Until one day, she finally realised that the reason he had behaved the way that he had was because he had been shot & that his shirt was not white at all, but rather completely red with blood. He also went on to say that he had always known the details of how this man had died because he was there on the day, but that it was not his place to inform her. He put it something like this. Sometimes when we are not prepared to or do not want to see the truth, the mind will block it out. And when we are ready or able to cope with it, it will reveal itself accordingly.
It was this kind of stuff that I found to be the ‘real’ work. And the more I did, the less severe my symptoms became, the less often they would occur & there would be less of them. I also noticed that the severity of my symptoms often didn’t reflect the severity of the source that they came from. With avoidance tendencies being one of the biggest problems to overcome with ptsd, when I would ignore them & didn’t want to do the work, the symptoms would get louder & louder & louder, until I did. And if I still didn’t do the work, then they would start adding up as well. A world of hell. I also noticed that with the ones that would arise from a source that truly was that severe, that the symptoms would also get worse & worse the closer I got it, but more like the pressure was building before the break through. And then there were other times when I would reach a new level of safety, either within myself or in my life, & a bunch would come to the surface all at once. And I had to learn to welcome these for what they were…opportunities for healing, reclaiming parts of myself & my life, for making better decisions & choices & realising some things that were about as easy to come to grips with as learning to breath under water without drowning. I learnt that my symptoms were often the roadmap to my recovery. They showed me what to work on & when & being able to sit in them, showed me the ‘why’ & the root. And I learnt to ask better questions during it all. I found the better the quality of the question I asked, the better the quality of the answers I got & sped the process up as well.
Mind you..it wasn’t all this obvious at the time & is definitely clearer looking back now. :tup:
