Damn the verbal abuse!!!
(Sorry for my expression!)
I'm just so mad right now and so full of hate!! He just knows where to get me and where it hurts the most!! Everything was good for almost a month now! Yesterday was Memorial Day and I could feel him go on and off. Like always, I'm walking on eggshells just to not ruin anything. He admitted to me that he was getting mad that people on FB were posting things and celebrating about it (Memorial Day) and thanking him. I tried to remember him: "Remember not everybody understands that this day it's not to thank you, if not the heroes that are not here anymore" etc.. and things like that, that are exactly what he explained to me (Which he knows anyway). And he was doing the technique his therapist gave him. To accept that is part of him and that it will come and go (when his mood swings started). But just like that he snapped out of it and boy was really harsh on me. I couldn't control myself and kept telling him to stop! Than it got worst just because I started to ignore him. I started crying, yelling and begging him to stop for Christ sake!!!! Which I hate of me because I know I should not let anyone or a man humiliate me. I know my worth and not let this s*&$^@ of words get to me and not take it personally, even though I know its not him! But damn it I asked him to stop! Until he said some really bad things of my daughter! And that's when me, as a Mother, couldn't take it anymore! And started arguing back! Until my daughter woke up screaming and crying because of our yelling!!...And so he left...
Than two hours later the text... "I'm sorry for what happened! I didn't mean that and you know it! I know you love and treat your daughter, and are a great mother! I just cant control myself and If you cant accept that, than I understand! I accept who I am and this will never change. No one wants to be with a sick person like me!! And I get it if you are tired!!".... I haven't answered. This is new for me. So I have to tolerate the verbal abusive? It gives him the right to talk to me like that? ALL THE TIME??
Who that says I love You and want to make it work, blows it up in a second and says the meanest things to you????!!!
I really feel like I am at 0 again from 8 that we were going and solving everything!
So he's out of the house! Now I do what I use to do...focus on me and my daughter. Its even more harder now because everything was going good and he could recognize before anything would go bad and stop before it would go out of hand. This string is soon to be cut. I can feel it because I starting to hate it! I hate the 3 days picture perfect and than a week of drag you to hell...
Many may say, why didn't she leave?! That's what she gets for not leaving!
But why not the "Why did you stay?" "Why is it so hard for you to leave?"
(Sorry for my expression!)
I'm just so mad right now and so full of hate!! He just knows where to get me and where it hurts the most!! Everything was good for almost a month now! Yesterday was Memorial Day and I could feel him go on and off. Like always, I'm walking on eggshells just to not ruin anything. He admitted to me that he was getting mad that people on FB were posting things and celebrating about it (Memorial Day) and thanking him. I tried to remember him: "Remember not everybody understands that this day it's not to thank you, if not the heroes that are not here anymore" etc.. and things like that, that are exactly what he explained to me (Which he knows anyway). And he was doing the technique his therapist gave him. To accept that is part of him and that it will come and go (when his mood swings started). But just like that he snapped out of it and boy was really harsh on me. I couldn't control myself and kept telling him to stop! Than it got worst just because I started to ignore him. I started crying, yelling and begging him to stop for Christ sake!!!! Which I hate of me because I know I should not let anyone or a man humiliate me. I know my worth and not let this s*&$^@ of words get to me and not take it personally, even though I know its not him! But damn it I asked him to stop! Until he said some really bad things of my daughter! And that's when me, as a Mother, couldn't take it anymore! And started arguing back! Until my daughter woke up screaming and crying because of our yelling!!...And so he left...
Than two hours later the text... "I'm sorry for what happened! I didn't mean that and you know it! I know you love and treat your daughter, and are a great mother! I just cant control myself and If you cant accept that, than I understand! I accept who I am and this will never change. No one wants to be with a sick person like me!! And I get it if you are tired!!".... I haven't answered. This is new for me. So I have to tolerate the verbal abusive? It gives him the right to talk to me like that? ALL THE TIME??
Who that says I love You and want to make it work, blows it up in a second and says the meanest things to you????!!!
I really feel like I am at 0 again from 8 that we were going and solving everything!
So he's out of the house! Now I do what I use to do...focus on me and my daughter. Its even more harder now because everything was going good and he could recognize before anything would go bad and stop before it would go out of hand. This string is soon to be cut. I can feel it because I starting to hate it! I hate the 3 days picture perfect and than a week of drag you to hell...
Many may say, why didn't she leave?! That's what she gets for not leaving!
But why not the "Why did you stay?" "Why is it so hard for you to leave?"
