Sexual Assault So I Went Public About My Rape Today...

[Muzikluvr]

Shame, can be defined as "the fear that something about you will make others unwilling to connect with you" and for me, this definition helps me explain why *I* am the one who feels ashamed while my rapists go around happily engaging everyone in conversation and revelry. You see, the rapist is easier to be around than the victim, never mind that he is trolling for more victims among the party; never mind that he (or she, sorry) is manipulating others because that is often part of the pleasure of controlling other people.

Society wants to just move on and forget about unpleasant things and they can't do that when the rapist is brazenly willing to call them and play on their sense of compassion and forgiveness, or if in denial then their sense of fairness... as they cannot know whom to believe and so why should the accused be punished? The decide that they don't need to choose a side at all, and to invite both the victim and the rapist and whomever is willing to show up and get along nicely is the one who gets to stay. Any sniping, or expressed concerns from the victim will get him/her banned.

There is no excuse, there is no circumstance, wherein a persons' vestments or behaviour constitutes a surrender of personal choice.

Well said!

I'm proud of what you poignantly wrote on your FB wall. It took courage, and I support you.

 

[Go Hungry]

Me too. Though I'm a little confused. @Go Hungry am I the only one getting overly sensitive and thinking that this implies that it must then be true that I have been complicit by not taking action against my abusers?

Oh wow, that's not what I intended at all. But I can see how you might feel that way. I'm sorry. It's a really dark and cloudy area...

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know in my case that... I simply couldn't keep quiet about it under that circumstance. I was talking with a close friend who was making the argument that women who dress provocatively are 'asking for it'. (which is what I call 'shark defense' IE. 'You wouldn't wear a meat-suit and jump into a shark tank; therefore men are predatory fish; therefore women who incite male interest are wearing meat-suits.') People aren't fish, they are human beings capable of making rational decisions. So that entire parallel falls apart as it makes no sense. He reiterated that people who dress provocatively are as much to blame as their attackers, and so I dropped that bomb on him.

I mean, it's like... abusers and criminals count on our silence to protect them. I know in this case, the criminal was very much relying on that. When I quite angrily said 'Isn't there something we should talk about?' in front of a full room of people having breakfast, he said "About What?" in a very licentious voice. He was straight up counting on shame to keep me quiet... That was all part of the shock of the situation, that he was just rubbing it all, his position of power, right in my face.

I can't just stand by and let him win like that. I didn't.. I later kicked him in the balls and then left because I had definitely ruined the party. Part of what hurts so bad is that people blamed me for making a scene. I should have called the police, but once again.. I was still hungover from the night before (alcoholic) and just in plain shock over the event. I was just so off-balance that I didn't know what to do. It took years for me to even figure out how to frame it correctly.

So... I guess your interpretation is correct. I guess it does imply that. I'm sorry. :sorry: I just couldn't let it slide anymore. I can't let him walk away unscathed. I can't let those other people just sweep it under the rug because it's too ugly for them to look at. This cannot stand. :(

(also there are sometimes kids at some of the tamer parties, and I just can't go on without properly warning people.)

 

[anthony]

Very proud mate... well done.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Well done for going public I'm so proud of u, as a victim of rape It's taken me 15 years to go public , only then to my sisters . I personally find it embarassing to tell n e one coz I think they would pity me and I most definately don't want or need anyone's pity. Male female child adult drunk sober rich poor black or white the list is endless but no one has the right to violate another in such a degrading and monstrous inhuman manner. But as a believer In god I leave there punishment to the almighty. Not sure how one gets over the pain flashbacks fear of such a horrific assault coz I know I never will. The pain is as raw as the day it happened and will continue to be until I take my last breaths.