Relationship So Sorry I Wanted To Spend A Moment

[patrick]

God, these carer threads can hurt. I see so much of me in what you describe here, sickofit, and it's no wonder I've been divorced three times. I don't know your husband or his situation, or for that matter how you two communicate, but what I do know is how bad felt every time I caused frustration and anger in my wives. It was easy for me to see the unhappiness, and easy for me to realize it was my fault. I didn't know what to do to make the situation better, so I got mad at myself for being such a cretin. I'm sure the wives thought the anger was at them, and then things just elevated. Lots of times it ended with me saying I just need some f**king space, please, which never did help. What I really meant was that I needed a little time to calm down and figure out how to make things right again, but in my anger at myself I was unable to really understand and communicate that.

Are there calm times when everybody is feeling reasonably contented? If so, these might be the time to gently let him know about your confusion and frustration, and try to figure out if there is anything that could be done differently in the future to keep contention and hurt feelings to a minimum.

The fact that you are here venting and trying to understand tells me that you are a caring and special person. I hope your husband is getting some help and that you two can figure out how to be together with his PTSD. It's a tough road, but I think it can be worth it.

 

[patrick]

Nine kids and food alergies. Yikes! you really are a saint.

 

[Jestadud]

Sounds like that's 12 of you who could be having a good time even if he doesn't make it!

I recommend hide and seek at least then you can control how long the kids are missing and the game lasts. Lol

 

[Nicolette]

Sounds to me sickofit, and I mean this with all due respect, that you are stressed to the point of seeing the worst in everything and tend to project all issues onto your husband's illness as you understandably struggle with it as we all do.

See, I first read you had concerns about your husband's friends but when responded to it actually turns out to be your friends. It also seems from what you write that you have 'immediate' issues with your husband but then you come back and post he has apologised or you have sorted some things out. I think you need to find a way for you to uncoil a little as, while I totally understand your position, I can recognise some of your actions as those I have had when the whole PTSD thing has overwhelmed me.

This is not saying you are wrong or bad or anything of the sorts....... you just need to get yourself together as you will be amazed at the difference in perspective it will give you. When I was unwell for quite a while recently I know I over-reacted to PTSD symptoms I could normally handle which inflated the situation and catch 22 was we both ended up on edge. One of you has to take a step back and breathe, relax and get a 'true' perspective of what is going on versus what you are feeling. If you can do that it would be great. I went and saw professionals as we somehow accept what they have to say more readily than an answer you may not like on a forum or from a friend.

Sorry, if I am off track but this is the perception I get from reading your posts.

Good luck.

 

[hopelives]

They mainly my husbands friend but I do know the wife and we are acqaniances. I think that is part of the problem. there are some bad memories with these people and they do not understand my husbands depression or PTSD and it often becomes a source on contention. I am tired he has been so out of it he hasn't given me a break from the kids for over 2 weeks. It has rained non stop so kids have been trapped inside. I have to find a way to start making a living as centrelink isn't going to cut it with all the kids needs. I am stressed about a whole heap of things and at this point his PTSD is in my mind to blame for the whole lot. I am in a place of hate toward his family as they have caused this and I am suck trying to clean up the mess.

I have spent all day reassuring my hsuband I am not angry or stressed at him but seriously I just want to walk away from him and start a fresh. I love him but this isn't a marriage or a relationship. And yes all the PTSD symptoms are on top of me.

Patrick thanks for the insight. I am in awe that you married more than once. I dont think I am that brave.lol

I think I could cope with this if I didn't have 5 kids. I love them to bits but they need me ALL day everyday. They are all under 7yrs of age so it never stops. I seriously feel very overwhelmed today. I was upset at my husband that he didn't ask me how to deal with the friend situation. Just the sheer no thought. Neither guy thought of food but arranged lunch. UMMM ok boys.lol


But I am sure I will get something together for tomorrow . :)

 

[Nicolette]

I am tired

I am stressed about a whole heap of things and at this point his PTSD is in my mind to blame for the whole lot. I am in a place of hate toward his family

And yes all the PTSD symptoms are on top of me.

I seriously feel very overwhelmed today.

I was upset at my husband

And this is exactly what I was trying to point out......... time to take care of you first as otherwise you are no good to your children nor your marriage. This is something you can control to help make things better... trust me ((hugs)).

 

[patrick]

Five kids under seven? YIIIIIIKES! That would make even the strongest person I know nuts. You're not only a saint, but Superwoman, too. I have one kid who is thirty-one, and even that can make me nuts sometimes. And he is completely independent. You really have your plate full with all of that.

 

[Jawn]

I agree with Nicolette that you sound like you are getting overwhelmed with everything on your plate. Time to step back, take a deep breath, and try to get through the next couple of days. If your husband does go back into his hidey hole then you will at least get a break from him for a while. Would any of your friends consider watching your kids for the day, or even a couple of hours, while you go do something fun for you?

Hang in there.

Jawn

 

[hopelives]

You are right Nicolette. We had some pretty serious stuff happen last week and it just got on top of me. I will have to do something about htis. Asking the others to mind the kids wont work. the wife is apparently very ill right now.

 

[lovinbiker]

......... time to take care of you first as otherwise you are no good to your children nor your marriage. .

I think there wise words there from Nicolette and was indeed what I was trying to get at in my previous post.
As always someone managed to say it better than me :rolleyes:

Look after yourself Sickofit recharge your batteries
Your not superhuman and need a break for yourself from time to time and now is one of them times.
Maybe your name says a lot about how your coping at the moment :eek:

Take care
LB

 

[KP the nut]

As a sufferer, I see myself in what you say. I don't vent at him or shout etc. I disassociate, become depressed, tearful... I don't know he puts up with me. Or why.
We know we put our carers through hell, if we could stop we would. SORRY:(.
It is good you can vent here. As others have said, take some time for yourself, you deserve it.
(((HUGS)))
KP

 

[Nicolette]

As always someone managed to say it better than me :rolleyes:

Please don't put yourself down LB. You have contributed well and say things which are helpful. :)