General So Unsure. Fearing Suicide. Need Help...

[Unknown Person]

I'm so unsure what to do, what I can do, and what really needs to be done. Things were bad before, they were really bad. I could feel that at any moment my wife would disappear - for good. Then we moved, things got better, she seemed happier, and we took on more endeavours. Bad idea.

Things have been getting bad again and I've been making a tendency to check my wife's Google account history to see what she has been searching online... only really looking for signs. If you think its an invasion of privacy, I think otherwise. Tonight I found that she was searching for "suicide" and "suicide notes" and its hitting me again. I think I really need to do something, but I have no idea what.

I asked my wife to see a psychiatrist a few months back and she said she would. Then when it came down to calling and making an appointment, she couldn't/wouldn't do it. I have tried calling the psychiatrist to make an appointment, but she won't do it without talking to my wife first. So that was that, she wouldn't go see a psychiatrist. But she promised to give me warning. Great. At least things appeared to get a bit better for a while. Now things are getting bad again and I really feel it this time, in a bad way.

What can I do?? Call 9-1-1 when she seems perfectly fine one moment and then loses it the next? Tell the police that I fear for my wife's life and that she might end it - with no solid proof? She is a master manipulator and I can just see her getting admitted, acting like everything is fine and getting released hating the shit out of me or just ending it. She did that kind of thing back in highschool and convinced a psychiatrist that she wasn't bulimic when she was. I guess you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped, but I think she really does, she just needs a lot of help.

I am getting so tired of this. It hurts my heart, hurts my mind, hurts my body, and must be having a profound effect on our daughter. The one thing we did not want our daughter to get affected by, my wife's past, is affecting her.

Please help. I fear that she might leave us for good, or that I might have to leave her to protect my daughter and my own well being. I can't just leave my wife.

Please help.

-U

 

[ms spock]

Hello Unknown Person,

you have a lot on your plate and I feel for you.

Are you seeing some type of therapist to get support and advice for yourself? That might help you work out some strategies.

There are many good supporter people on this forum. Read around and see who you relate to and I hope you get some good suggestions in this thread.

 

[tired of the fight]

My heart goes out to your family. Your dealing with a lot. Therapists can be helpful. Yes and like Ms Spock said,
There are many good support people on this forum. I just joined today and it has helped.

 

[Unknown Person]

Thanks guys. I am not currently seeing a therapist and really have a hard time justifying it when I feel that that money could be put towards helping my wife. Maybe I am seeing it from the wrong perspective, but that is what I see.

 

[ms spock]

If you save yourself Unknown Person then you can do more constructive things for your wife. If you go down... well then you won't be able to manage the situation with your wife at all.

Think of investing in yourself as investing in her, if you need to at this time.

 

[tired of the fight]

If you do it for the both of you, seems like an excellent idea:hug:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It may be time for tough love?

Your daughter is FIRST. Don't let your wife continue this path as it is affecting your daughter. A therapist of your own can guide you through the next steps to take. (Your wife isn't using the money on her own therapist so you might as well use it on yours so that you can help her!)

In the end, your wife must be the one who wants help. If she ultimately refuses, you'll have to ask yourself if you can live like this the rest of your life, and deal with the effects in your daughter.

 

[Azsun]

My thoughts and prayers go out for you, your wife, and your daughter.

Please take care of yourself and do not feel guilty for spending money on your own therapy and needs. You need to be strong especially for your daughter.

You will be in my prayers.

 

[DMerish]

Unknownperson,

Welcome - I hope you find a lot of support here - Your concerns are definitely very valid, and some action needs to be taken.

It's obvious that you have concerns about the longevity of your marriage and the effect that its possible end may have on your child. I wonder if, rather than trying to get her to a therapist for her problems, whether you might approach therapy from the perspective of wanting to attend marriage counseling together because things are going on in the relationship with her that you're not satisfied with and you value your marriage and your family. I agree with others that seeing a therapist (in addition/alone) could be very helpful in helping you to navigate how to deal with the situation. It's very important for supporters to "take their oxygen first".

Drew ~

 

[amethist]

Isupporther is the guy to speak to Unknownperson. He went through a rough time with his wife a while back, and I am sure he did things you are doing to try and keep her safe. He will give you a lot of support and advice.

So if you are feeling guilty about checking up on her, then don't, sometimes its what we have to do for our own peace of mind as well as their safety.

 

[Hopethereismore]

Hello, I am a new member here. It is this very topic that drew me in. I am a PTSD sufferer with other issues, and once in awhile it does me good to read real information on my own issues. For the past six months I was friends with another group, but I realized. They have never offered anything to help me. They only promoted for money and political leverage. Only promoting military vets, while claiming to support all PTSD sufferers. They really didn't do anything for PTSD sufferers. I felt hopeless, after all early this morning I was like your wife. There was so much physical pain I am enduring. That I can not get help with. I am alone. I have had my entire world ripped from me.

I did try to rebuild life. The last five months I have tried, but I keep finding I can not. So when the pain came. The pain that woke me up from my sleep. That shot me right up from my bed, and had me rushing to the bathroom. I was again scared and alone. Tears dropped from my face as if the faucet was turned on in my eyes. I didn't bother to stop it, even when I knew I would get another migraine. I tried to control the pain in my stomach, but I couldn't. I know my life teeters on the verge of total ruin at any moment. I look to that pill bottle. Hell the many of them. Of pills I do not take right now, but used to. I look and know they are still potent enough to do the job. This is a thought I have been dealing with all week. I do not know how I keep going all alone, but I do. I am alone, I have no confidant, I have no one who can even resemble a friend. It just isn't there. My children are gone, and my spouse is a major cause of what I am going through. He is in prison now, but that doesn't help me feel better. In fact it helps me feel worse.

My life is quickly heading to that path of taking my own. No one would believe me, and other PTSD sufferers encourage me to end it. I do not. I can not tell you or suggest to you how to fix your loved one. So many suggestions have been made already. I can only speak to you as to what I have not found helpful. Repetitive reminding only agitated my situation. So instead of doing this. If you know your loved one is that low. I would suggest asking them to go for a walk with you. Exercise really does help us through our low points. You will have to go, otherwise it will feel like you are telling them to exercise.

We by majority do not like to feel alone, even when we keep ourselves alone. I have found for me. I like to feel romanced, I can't imagine I am alone on this. So a nice romantic walk might actually help your loved one move into exercise that will raise the endorphins, and help combat the emotion. Of course this is no cure all, but a helper. Though I found for myself the better I began to feel one way, the more open I became to suggestions like therapy. Which only help me feel better. Even though there isn't enough of those really to help. So far in my struggle I really have found long meditating walks that I drown out the world, do at my pace, and have no schedule on to be the most help so far.

 

[tired of the fight]

I am sorry you are alone and going through such a difficult times. I wish I had words to help encourage you.

This is a good forum of people. I just joined yesterday and found some relief in talking with others. I pray this helps you.

I'll keep you in my prayers :hug: