I've posted about my "guy" (term used loosely) before, but quick recap. We met in June online and started seeing each other regularly after that (we never made anything "official"). He told me within 2 weeks that he has PTSD, he's in the army and has been deployed twice, is divorced (no kids). In the 6 months I've known him, there have definitely been ups and downs. He's such a smart, funny, genuinely good guy who's got a lot of stuff (for lack of a better word).
Anyway, he took a trip in September for a week back home for a buddy's wedding. Before that time, he'd been a bit more irritable and snippy than usual. When he came back, he asked me to pick him up from the airport and we ended up spending the next 4 straight days/nights together. He was super sweet (for him) and more affectionate than usual. Things were going really well, seemed like a couple steps forward. Then a couple weeks later, he got distant and moody again, I tried to give him his space, we argued a couple times via text. I didn't hear from him for a week he pops up out of the blue (that was the longest I hadn't heard from him) wanting to see me. I was emotional and upset and told him that and that it hurts when he disappears and just pops up like nothing happened, and doesn't validate my feelings in the process. Told him that I understand if he needs space, I'll give it to him, but it still hurts.
That was the beginning of October. I didn't hear from him for a month+ and I was positive that I wouldn't hear from him again. But out of the blue, he texts me a couple weeks ago. Like nothing happened. Said he'd been busy, blah blah. I say, you must've been since I haven't heard from you in a month. He said yeah, but I haven't heard from you either. I said, I sent you texts but you didn't respond. He says "they were weird and smothering." [The last message I sent him said "I'm guessing you need your space. I'll leave you alone. I hope you're okay."] So I tell him that I was genuinely worried, and sorry if that was too weird and smothering for him. Sarcasm, I know, but I'm pissed at this point. Anyway, he asks me to come over and "let's make up". Which further angers me. I tell him that I'm not capable of having a relationship with him free of emotion, and I'm worried that that's what he wants if he can just ditch me so easily for a month. He says "You're wrong. And you know that. You also know I'm weird about letting people close and emotions." F**king hell..... which just kills me and then I feel horrible and guilty for being angry and just want to hug him.
That was a couple weeks ago. We ended up texting some more, not as heavy topics. And ended up seeing each other last week. It went really well, he was attentive and funny and his usual self. But I just get so irritated and emotional and confused. He's told me before when I asked him if we're FWB, no, that's not what he's looking for, but when I ask him what he is looking for he says he doesn't know. But he seems incapable or unwilling to talk about feelings and gets super pissy when I do. I'm not sure what any of this is, what we're doing together. When things are good, I have a great time with him and I feel drawn to him in a way I haven't experienced with anyone else. But sometimes I don't know if the bad stuff is his PTSD, or fear of commitment + trust issues, or just plain butthead behavior. Is it normal to want to kiss him and strangle the f**k out of him at the same time? I feel more crazy than sane these days.....
Anyway, he took a trip in September for a week back home for a buddy's wedding. Before that time, he'd been a bit more irritable and snippy than usual. When he came back, he asked me to pick him up from the airport and we ended up spending the next 4 straight days/nights together. He was super sweet (for him) and more affectionate than usual. Things were going really well, seemed like a couple steps forward. Then a couple weeks later, he got distant and moody again, I tried to give him his space, we argued a couple times via text. I didn't hear from him for a week he pops up out of the blue (that was the longest I hadn't heard from him) wanting to see me. I was emotional and upset and told him that and that it hurts when he disappears and just pops up like nothing happened, and doesn't validate my feelings in the process. Told him that I understand if he needs space, I'll give it to him, but it still hurts.
That was the beginning of October. I didn't hear from him for a month+ and I was positive that I wouldn't hear from him again. But out of the blue, he texts me a couple weeks ago. Like nothing happened. Said he'd been busy, blah blah. I say, you must've been since I haven't heard from you in a month. He said yeah, but I haven't heard from you either. I said, I sent you texts but you didn't respond. He says "they were weird and smothering." [The last message I sent him said "I'm guessing you need your space. I'll leave you alone. I hope you're okay."] So I tell him that I was genuinely worried, and sorry if that was too weird and smothering for him. Sarcasm, I know, but I'm pissed at this point. Anyway, he asks me to come over and "let's make up". Which further angers me. I tell him that I'm not capable of having a relationship with him free of emotion, and I'm worried that that's what he wants if he can just ditch me so easily for a month. He says "You're wrong. And you know that. You also know I'm weird about letting people close and emotions." F**king hell..... which just kills me and then I feel horrible and guilty for being angry and just want to hug him.
That was a couple weeks ago. We ended up texting some more, not as heavy topics. And ended up seeing each other last week. It went really well, he was attentive and funny and his usual self. But I just get so irritated and emotional and confused. He's told me before when I asked him if we're FWB, no, that's not what he's looking for, but when I ask him what he is looking for he says he doesn't know. But he seems incapable or unwilling to talk about feelings and gets super pissy when I do. I'm not sure what any of this is, what we're doing together. When things are good, I have a great time with him and I feel drawn to him in a way I haven't experienced with anyone else. But sometimes I don't know if the bad stuff is his PTSD, or fear of commitment + trust issues, or just plain butthead behavior. Is it normal to want to kiss him and strangle the f**k out of him at the same time? I feel more crazy than sane these days.....
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