Social Anxiety

[Bill Dickerson]

I had a neighbor come by and I can tell he wants to be friends but my anxiety level goes way up. I talked to him on the neighborhood site. He's retired but I am so jealous or maybe feelings useless. He has a huge garage he built. He has cars he has rebuilt. His backyard looks like a real cool garden.

I don't want to hurt his feelings. He's a nice guy but .....I'm not good at this anymore. I've always been a loner until I started working and then I had partners and squad members. That disappeared when the jobs disappeared.

That in addition to the other neighbor who has been real ugly and caused/causes anxiety attacks. I'm so confused and depressed. Looking back at these paragraphs it all sounds so stupid and juvenile.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

It's not stupid.

You know, most people will understand if you tell them you have social anxiety and that you basically find it difficult to talk to them and so on.

You could even leave a note or similar. It's not like someone will lynch you because of that. Many people go through similar :)

Sending wamr hugs and hopefully you have luck with your neighbours! :hug:

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I'm not sure if I'm ready to leak to my neighbors what many will think is crazy.

 

[Friday]

So this guy.... Is he trying too hard? Fibbing? Wants something from you? Whole thing just packaged up too neat? Setting off instincts in any kind of way that's pushing you into work mode?

Or is it straight up he's retired, you're retired, you've been wanting more friends, he's clearly looking for a friend... But there's a disconnect? Whether it's jealousy, or you just don't like him, or just don't have the energy to be social right now / whatever... Something's off & you're beating yourself up over it.

Doesn't sound stupid & juvenile. Sounds like you're trying to sort out what you had / what you have / what you want & how to get there, following a pretty damn major transition.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

He first stopped by to make sure I was going to the neighborhood meetings because he liked my ideas we had discussed online. I went to the meeting but I snuck in at the beginning and slipped out right before the end. The meeting was a chore for me. I was afraid the mean neighbor would confront me and I'd break his nose. Afraid the anxiety would override my judgement.

The only thing that is off is me. Online is OK but in person the anxiety gets bad. The anxiety confuses me. It's not an a normal response.

 

[watundah]

I have social anxiety, too. Of course, there are meds for that which I've always resisted because it's only occasional.

Is this a new thing or has it been a constant battle? Tough determining a trigger. Could be some performance anxiety in there, too. Unfortunately this is one of those cases where immersion therapy helps...a series of small victories helps lead to bigger ones. Can you invite this person over for a cup of coffee and maybe be more comfortable on your own turf? It's a good start and you may enjoy it.

 

[Ronin]

The anxiety confuses me. It's not an a normal response.

It's a very normal response, Bill... but I get it.

Anyway - you manage to be civil with each other online, I gathered. Lot of people don't manage even that / push the buttons and they fly off the handle / fly off even with no buttons pushed, so this guy's better than those at least, and is someone you can handle at some distance -

Is there any way to translate that needed distance into physical meetings, too?