Childhood Social Phobia Directly Related To Childhood Emotional Abuse??

[fellowsufferer]

Is it possible to develop social anxiety after emotional abuse from a parent?? Why is it that (when we rational know it's not the same person) we still get triggered?. I'm asking this because i suffer from social phobia, and i asked myself time and time again: is it a direct effect from emotional abuse or is it something unrelated to this abuse?

 

[anonymous]

Social anxiety can result from emotional abuse from a parent but it can also be caused by other unrelated things, too.

Sometimes its better to accept things and work on moving forward instead of questioning why we suffer from certain symptoms. I'm not saying to not explore the reason behind anything, rather with PTSD, oftentimes there isn't a direct link between what stresses us and the trauma we experienced.

You might be getting triggered simply because social settings overflow your stress cup.

 

[fellowsufferer]

@anonymous. Thanks for your replay!
Indeed it is better not to ruminate regarding symptoms and why they are happening and sometimes there are no simple answers. I think i think to much about those things. I will go back to my homework: breathingexercises!

 

[Lucycat]

I get anxious in social situations. I am not a good social communicator, although I manage fine at work when I have a set task. Small talk is so hard. I get laughed at for coming out with random statements, but that is usually because I don't know what to say so will come out with some statement repeated off the days news.

I recall feeling uncomfortable at family gatherings as a small child. My father is an arrogant extrovert who would do his best to embarrass me so I gave up trying, and really did not know what was expected of me. I was perceived as a 'good girl' who sat there and said nothing unless spoken to.

 

[Polly_pocket]

I think so. Emotional abuse violates trust so it makes sense that abused children grow up and struggle socially. Also your threat mode is turned all the way up and you are constantly scanning people and the environment. It's no wonder interactions are difficult it is emotionally and physically exhausting to keep that up. I've had severe social anxiety all my life and it's only started to improve noticeably when I started the trauma work.

 

[Chava]

Sometimes its better to accept things and work on moving forward instead of questioning why we suffer from certain symptoms.

I think that's true to a point. It's helpful to gain awareness, because it helps us know what we might work on accepting, vs what we might work on changing. But sometimes we can meddle in our heads for years about the "why" and not do anything in the present to simply change a bit. I noticed this most with my alcoholism (WHY was I an alcoholic and could not drink normally, no matter how hard I tried? I actually had to just stop drinking or die...they "why" started to make sense many years later).

That being said, early connections do play a pretty strong role in how we connect to others. But so does our personality. I'm introverted (personality) but I'm also very avoidant (early trauma and also attachment issues). I can actually work around both, to a degree. It helps me to know that I will NEVER be the person who enjoys loud gatherings. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with me. I can do them if it feels important (like a very special event for a friend who wanted to invite 50 people into a small space), but I will have an exit plan and probably leave first. But I can challenge myself to just be around people I generally feel okay with more. I have adapted very strongly to avoidance and isolation, so often I don't even care to push myself. I'm busy with all my little solitary projects.

Do you ruminate over what others will think of you? Do you have fears of rejection or feel like you have to feel a certain level of confidence before jumping into a group, like you will be accepted by at least a couple people? Is it easier when someone you know well is present? Or when there is a goal or focus, such as a book study or support group? I ask because these kinds of things matter to me. Find what kind of socializing feels okay to you but also work on what might be ruminating or cognitive distortions (like "nobody will ever like me"...or whatever they are for you). Challenge yourself with the settings which feel somewhat manageable, even if they don't look like what everyone else is doing. I really love my AA group for the structure but also the chance to feel closer to others and give and receive support.

If you really want to understand more, you could look into adult attachment styles (or childhood...there is overlap). I'm mostly avoidant but with some strong tendencies towards disorganized attachment with people I get closer to....so avoidance keeps me far away, and as I get closer I get disorganized. I recognize my tendency to confuse people this way (I show up, act connected for weeks, then disappear without a hint as to why). But mainly consider what feels right for you and decide on one or two goals, maybe even just for this week. One friend you can call for a walk? A familiar coffee shop where it feels semi-okay to bring a book and be around new people? A support group or a class involving a topic you are interested in?

 

[RussH]

I don't so much get anxious in social settings unless it is crowded, but I always feel like I don't fit in.

 

[Lionheart]

I struggled with severe, prolonged, sexual child abuse and there were other types of abuse as well; psychological, physical, emotional, etc.. and I later developed strong social phobias, high anxiety around strangers, groups of people and places that I was unfamiliar with. *(one needs to scout for the closest exit).

I was told that I had agoraphobia and social phobias etc. I can't say for certain, but it seems obvious to me that these things developed due to the abuse trauma, I had no boundaries to speak of and others words cut me like a knife right into the solar plexus area.

When I began to love and accept myself as I am, the fear of persecution and rejection from others diminished.I am not saying it i s completely gone, but it is so much better, now that I have and can maintain boundaries with others, have self-love and dignity.