@Suzetig well I don't know where you live in the UK but here in not so sunny Hertfordshire the social services are among the worst in the whole country and are known for ripping families apart and removing kids from their loving caring families on the basis on mere suspicion of abuse or neglect and they only have to prove that the kids would be at risk of significant harm for them to act. They really don't like parents like me who have the sheer audacity and cheek to complain about them talking to parents like they are a bit of shit on the bottom of the social worker's shoe or who challenge them about their bandy decisions or actions based on fear rather than fact.
A lot of these social workers have severe psychological issues of their own due to their own life experiences together with suffering burn out and stress due to their heavy over stretched case loads. This leads them to make poor interpretations of the family's situation and therefore poor decisions regarding the kids safety and welfare. These social workers are also not adverse to telling lies in court about the parents or what the parents have allegedly done to the kids or what the parents have allegedly allowed to happen to the kids. They are also prone to taking what the parents tell them about themselves truthfully then twisting it round and distorting it to make the parents look bad unstable and unfit for the job of parenting their kids. These social workers also lead the kids into making false allegations of abuse against their parents by suggestive questioning. Which we proved in court regarding my eldest son.
They also believed my mum and brothers were innocent of abusing me as a child in order to save themselves money in respite foster care fees once my son had gone into care which my mum could have prevented but she chose not to help me or her grandson until after the fact and even then she only helped her grandson in order to discredit me to social services not out of any altruistic intention to help either of us. In doing so social services endangered my son because my mum abused him when she was 'looking after' him for social services and she wanted recompense from them for her expenses in 'looking after' him as well. Social services even considered my eldest brother to adopt my son even though I had repeatedly told them about his abuse of me along with my mum and other brother. Only after my eldest brother refused to be interviewed about the family background and his own childhood experiences as part of the adoption process did the penny drop with social services that I had been telling them the truth about his and the others abuse of me growing up all along. By which time the damage was well and truly done to my little boy.
Yes there were issues which lead to my son being removed. I hit him once as did my partner his step dad. Which we admitted to straight away in the hope we would get help and support from social services so we wouldn't feel so stressed we would do it again. My son went on the at risk register as did his little sister after I admitted to hitting him then 6 months later when my ex partner did it too all hell broke loose and they branded my ex partner a child abuser and said he couldn't live in the family home with my son. At which point I begged my mum to help not realising at the time the danger she presented to my son. She refused and the social worker said if I didn't voluntarily put my son into care they would take both my kids off me. They came up with this cock and bull theory that because my ex partner wasn't my sons natural father he was jealous and resentful of my son and that's why he hit him. Nothing could have been further from the truth. And they didn't want to know the truth because it didn't suit their agenda. Which is to have complete control over the kids and parents involved with them and also to punish the parents for not conforming or agreeing with their stupid rules and policies.
So I very reluctantly let my son go and the rest as they say is history. My son was also further abused in foster care by older foster children and carers alike and in the end no foster carer would take him because of his bad behaviour. Social services also illegally prevented contact between him me my ex partner and his baby sister for a whole year. He had no less than 26 different placements in the first two years of being in care. Between me and my now deceased father we managed to get him home Christmas 2000 he was 6 and a half by then and extremely disturbed and downright dangerous to his little sister who was just 3 and a half herself by then. Sadly I caught him abusing his sister and I knew I couldn't control him or keep my little girl safe from him. So social services took him back into care and put him in a kids home for the next 5 years with no therapeutic input although they had promised before putting him there that he would get the he he needed there.
He got abused there by an older girl and a support worker. After a year there he ran away. I threatened to pull him out of the kids home so social services started care proceedings. We were all thoroughly assessed by a forensic psychologist and a child and adolescent psychiatrist and the guardian ad litem who all agreed that me and my ex partner had not abused my son since us both hitting him were both one off incidents which happened because of the extreme stress we were both under at the time they occurred. Nothing was done about my mum the other kids the foster carers or the support worker in the kids home abusing him though and to this day I don't understand why. Anyway the judge severely criticised social services failings regards my son and ordered them to rehabilitate my son home to us and for him to get proper help for his issues and to support us as a family. However the judge did award social services a full Care Order because of lack of family support and because of my mental health problems which I didn't know at the time were C-PTSD however I was wrongly labelled as BPD by the forensic psychologist and 15 years ago it was a trendy label to put on someone like me who didn't fit the box social services were trying to put me in because I was so argumentative and challenging of them. I later found out that this forensic psychologist was getting illegal backhanders ie monetary incentives from social services to get them the result they wanted ie brand me an unfit parent so they could keep my son in care.
Anyway they did tea visits home with my son twice in two months then pulled the plug and stopped them saying that it wasn't in my son's best interests to continue because after visits he was misbehaving in the kids home and at school and they took this as a sign that it was because he was distressed at coming home because they were still saying it was because we had abused him even though all the experts in the care proceedings had said we hadn't and despite what the judge had ordered. In other words once they had their piece of paper from the court social services believed and did what the hell they liked whether we agreed with it or not. We were so angry and upset we went to our solicitor only to be told there was nothing we could do without it costing a lot of money which we didn't have as we had exhausted all our monetary resources by then. In other words we and most importantly my poor son was screwed.
When my son was 12 he was caught molesting a younger kid in the kids home or so we were told and tried in a youth court for it and sent to a young offenders institute for juvenile sex offenders who had been sexually abused themselves. He was there for six years then booted out into the real world at the age of 18 with next to no support or help which social services had a duty to provide. They stuck him in a flat gave him a grant to furnish it and that was the end of their involvement although under the terms of the Care Order which had never been revoked they had a duty of care until he was 21. He got himself a part time job in a supermarket and started two different college courses which he never completed. He left the supermarket job on leaving college and went to work in restaurants and pubs until a year ago now aged 22 when my son decided he wanted to make a go of his musical talent (he's an accomplished guitarist) but by then he had also discovered booze and drugs. And girls. So he stopped working and he wouldn't even sign on for benefits.
Anyway over the past 7 years since he was 16 (he's now 23) my son hasn't been treating me very well. Aged 16 my son cut off from me for a whole year because he judged condemned and rejected me over a minor brush with the law I had concerning my youngest kids abuser. It took two grovelling apologetic letters from me before he came round and wanted to see and speak to me again. Things went along OK for a while then he started ignoring my communication with him with no explanation or apology as to why he was doing that to me. I would understandably get angry and upset with him because I didn't and still don't know why he was doing that to me. My son would then get angry back for me being angry with him over his crappy behaviour towards me and would then continue to ignore me until I said the 'right words' in apologising to him for getting angry with his ignorance of me. Things would go along OK for a few months then the whole cycle would repeat again. He would start ignoring me again then I'd get angry again.... lather rinse repeat ad infinitum until 10 months ago when I finally recognised it for what it was ie mental and emotional abuse.
I couldn't understand why he would do that to me when I had fought tooth and nail to stay in his life after he went into care aged 4 and a half and to do everything I could to help and support him all that time even after he supposedly committed sexual offences and got banged up for it. Well it turns out that when he cut off from me aged 16 he sought his first abuser my mum his grandmother out because she had money and I had none as simple as that. He hadn't seen her since he was 9 years old when she walked away from him because she didn't like the social workers scrutiny or questions or being supervised on contact with him. He lied as did she to social services and said she hadn't abused him so they could see each other unsupervised and since he was now 16 there was nothing social services could do to stop it. He bought into my mums alternative false reality and agreed with everything she said in order to get money out of her. And it was her who turned my son against me and put the final nail in the coffin of the relationship between us after the damage social services had done to it themselves. My mum finished what she started when she first abused my son as a small boy. That's why she abused him in the first place in order to hurt and punish me because I had exposed the truth about her and my brothers to social services from the moment I first found myself involved with them 20 years ago. Aside from the fact my mum is a female paedophile and would have abused him anyway because of her sick urges, her abuse of her own grandson served a dual purpose.
So now after confronting my son with his abuse of me and realising the reason why he did it, we haven't seen or spoken to each other since May this year after he told me that I was the worst mother I could ever possibly have been and that apparently I had gone too far in the things I'd said to him challenging him about the way he's been treating me all those 7 years and that I deserved everything he did to me and that he and his grandmother his uncles and his girlfriend are all laughing at me because apparently I'm so stupid and I've been kept in the dark for years.
So please tell me after reading the whole story
@Suzetig who is REALLY to blame for all this with my son and do you still think he really should have been taken from me? Because I'm wondering why you seem so biased in favour of the social services. Do you or someone you know work for them? Have you ever had any involvement with them yourself or has anyone you know had involvement? Do you have any idea of how they operate? Do you now understand how they stitch parents like me up shaft us up the arse and leave us high and dry with nothing or nobody in our lives because what they do is legalised child snatching and institutional abuse? I'm going to leave it there for tonight as I'm now knackered out from writing all that out for you so you can get the big picture of what these bastards allow to happen and actually do to the poor kids in their so called 'care' and their poor heart broken MIND broken SOUL broken parents. And I haven't even told you about what they have also done to my youngest kid which is every bit as appalling as what happened to my eldest at their hands.
I will reply to other people's replies tomorrow but thanks to everyone who took the time to do so. Thanks.
