Other Social services horror story

[The Albatross]

Hmmm. I'm not showing this thread closed and I'd suggest you take a big giant step backwards. I'm not entirely all up about what mods choose to share about some topics, but they do not abuse their capacity here.

 

[The Albatross]

But hey... if this topic is important, you'll check yourself. If it's not... carry on.

 

[Suzetig]

You don't know me, what I do for a living, whether I have children or not, what experience I might have of social workers (good, bad or other). You've made a shit load of assumptions about me based on the fact that I dared to challenge your rantings. I'm not your "love", "hun" or anything else.

You seem to really only want to engage with people who don't challenge or disagree with you and you are prepared to accept your assertions at face value. I'm guessing you know what you're saying won't stand up to scrutiny.

Comparing staff here - who are volunteers, giving their time to run this community and who also have PTSD - to the gestapo, doesn't tend herald a long, fruitful stay within this community. I closed your other thread because it had no content, if you think that decision was wrong please raise a help ticket.

In the meantime I suggest you wind your neck in and play the ball instead of the person.

 

[Deleted member 34561]

Obviously I've touched a raw nerve or 3 with what I've had to say. The thing is I do have evidence and testimonies from social workers who have left the service disgusted at the actions their bosses have made them carry out against kids and parents like me and mine for fear of losing their jobs and in one instance one social worker actually committed suicide and succeeded because a kid they tried to help committed suicide themselves because of what happened to them in care and the fact that the managers at social services wouldn't let that kid go home to their family who like me and my partner weren't perfect but caring and loving nevertheless and both suicides could have been prevented and two families, the social worker's and the kid's, wouldn't have been left heartbroken and devastated with unending grief but for a different better decision on the part of the managers at SS. I also have a very good friend in real life who has worked as a licensed accredited paralegal specialising in cases of 'looked after' kids in the local authority's 'care' with over 30 years experience of working in this field and has seen first hand the devastation the social services have wreaked on thousands of kids and families who didn't deserved to be abused by the system that way. I personally know 3 solicitors who have told me about the monetary incentives and rewards social workers and solicitors alike get in illegal bungs to ensure social services get their way in court and also to fill their quota of putting kids through the adoption and foster care route when they should have been able to stay with their families.

So I do have proof and evidence to back up my claims but unfortunately because of how the Law stands in the UK if I name names outside a family court I can not only be done for contempt of court but I'm also looking at charges of libel and defamation of character and I would have to go through the legal system and a hell of a lot stress and worry to sort that out. So I cannot give you evidence from a legal point of view but I would dearly like to just to prove you wrong about me. Besides you seem to be forgetting that this is an Internet forum not a court of law. And why should I have to prove myself to you when you don't even know me my partner my kids or anyone else involved? This really isn't any of your business and therefore your opinion doesn't matter. You say I've made assumptions about you but isn't that exactly how you have treated me yourself? Not every parent who ends up with their kids in care is either a bad person or even a bad parent. The system is run by human beings. Social workers are human beings before they are social workers. And therefore they aren't perfect and they don't get it right all the time by design. The fact that you got so wound up and defensive about what I've written is what made me wonder about your profession or whose side you are on, nothing more, nothing less. Grave injustices are happening to kids and parents involved with social services every single day and that is what I'm cross about because it's a large part of why I now have C-PTSD myself as do my kids. I don't have a problem with you @Suzetig or @TheAlbatross but you seem to have a problem with me and what I'm talking about. I will most certainly wind my neck in as you put it and I apologise for spikey back with you @Suzetig but you got spikey first. Were you triggered by what I've written? And I'm sorry I used terms of endearment towards you too. Yes I was taking the piss out of you but then I felt you were taking the piss out of me to begin with. I guess you get what you give in this world eh?

I'll go away and shut up now. Seeing as what I have to say about my life experiences is obviously too much for some people to handle and too controversial. Best to be a sheeple than an individual eh. Sigh.

 

[Suzetig]

I'm neither triggered nor defensive, nor have I said you're a bad person or a bad person.

Youre making all kinds of assertions that you can't substantiate - its an easy thing to hide behind a closed court system and heresay but many hundreds of thousands of children in the uk need the "system" to protect them so when you make unsubstantiated claims that social workers are psychopaths bribed to remove poor children from innocent parents I thinks it's fair enough to call you on it.

Of course no system is perfect but many more children are left in intolerable, dangerous situations because of giving parents the benefit of the doubt than are removed prematurely or without good reason. And I can support that assertion - it's evident in every child death enquiry in the country.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Social workers know more about raising kids because there are many, many studies that show that spanking doesn't work, and yelling at your children makes it worse. I don't understand how you knew your ex-boyfriend had abused his sister by him telling you not to contact him. That makes no sense.

I worked with many, many social workers in the US, who are all there to help others. It is not a high paying field, so I can't see why the UK would be different.

 

[bento]

I don't know. I watched several women from my DV group lose their kids in ugly custody
battles. APD spouses are known to use false allegations to gain full custody of their
children. I think it's harder for this to happen now (I hope) but it still happens.
I watched a dedicated SAHM get trapped into losing her kids by a Dad who was both
absentee and abusive by baiting her into a fight, recording her and submitting his
"evidence" to his attorney who was well connected to judges, etc. in the area. She had
foolishly trusted in the innate goodness of the people in the system. She lost everything:manuveoured
her kids, her home, her reputation, her sanity. She had to negotiate supervised visitation,
but by the time she did her spouse had expertly alienated her kids, and they wanted nothing
to do with her. So she ended up getting a low wage job to pay him child support. And he
was rich beyond belief. He simply out maneuvered her.

Residential treatment centers are huge business here in US as well as hospitals. These
are recommended rather quickly, often with disastrous results, i.e. the people once in
the system, stay in the system. I know that for myself, I feel I had several close calls
that I was able to evade by having enough $ to go and get a second and third opinion.
It would be impossible for me to reveal the gross level of incompetence without giving
too much identifying info., but it's really mind boggling. Add that to people who are
pathological and into power tripping, and then the damage that people who know better
but turn the other way, you have a real cluster f** if these types come together as a
group.

I saw first hand the results of their handiwork, kids who became part of the system for life,
who deteriorated horrifically under their "treatment" program. My children had classmates
who tried to commit suicide after having been forced medicated, one who when quite
young died from the meds given, others who became too dysfunctional to continue attending
school and became total recluses. All had their social work/psych teams driving the bus
so to speak. From my perspective you had kids who acted out in a situation because of
some kind of duress, either family related or school related, were quickly slapped with a label
and medicated. Then taught to view everything through the lens of their dysfunction, thus
isolating them from the mainstream, forcing them more and more onto the "team", who then
start to add more meds or, another favorite, "tweak" the meds. With such an intense focus
on dysfunction and meds, the kids then go onto develop poor social habits like "Hi, my
name is _____, I'm Bipolar and ADHD, and I take______(names meds). What's your name?"
Seriously?? That's a real crowd pleaser in junior high.

My kids were in the exact same place above, and I felt like I was looking into the abyss.
I clammed up, yanked them away, and got them into sports, camps, private lessons, etc
etc. They left their dysfunction behind and became social, straight A students and athletes.
I was lucky enough to have access to some $$ to create this miracle. I am not a super
Mom by any stretch of the imagination.

Please believe me when I say, it is easier than you think to inadvertently end up losing
your kids. Let's hope that some areas are worse for this than others, but it happens
and when it does it's devastating. I've seen it with my own eyes.



llll

 

[Deleted member 34561]

First of all @Suzetig it's not my fault that the Law as it stands in the UK states that all family court matters have to be closed to the general public. Secondly what I am saying is not hearsay I have known the people I have spoken about personally. So have others with more clout than me. Thirdly I am not saying that all social workers are psychopaths because I have known a handful out of the dozens I've dealt with down the years who are decent people who just had their hands tied by the stupid policies they have to implement on the say so of their managers. And finally what about the children like Baby P or Victoria Climbe who die on social services watch? Social workers and doctors saw Baby P over 60 times and still they missed the signs of him being brutally abused by his step dad his step dad's brother and his mum. That's on social services hands but nobody got sent to prison for it did they? And what about about the young white girls in care in Rochdale who suffered at the hands of an Asian paedophile ring but the social services and police knew of their plight but did nothing to save or protect them for fear of being branded racist by the perpetrators or their defence barristers in court? What have you got to say to those FACTS? Also it's not my fault I can't speak out and name names without breaking the Law myself. What do you want me to do, get myself incarcerated just for being honest? I've had enough trouble with the Law already thanks and that in itself added to my C-PTSD. A point you seem to be missing by a country mile.

@DharmaGirl yes I know spanking is wrong which is why myself and my partner admitted to it so we could learn a different better way of setting my eldest kid limits rather than carry on regardless because we loved my eldest kid as well as my youngest and wanted to do right by them both but the social services went right over the top in their reaction to what we told them and treated us like child abusers when we really weren't. Like another wise person on here said about a different situation you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. Also another wise person said to me at the time no good deed goes unpunished. My partner myself and my kids were all punished by social services because we tried to do the right thing by being honest about our parenting difficulties but look what happened as a result of our honesty. That's why I'm with @bento when they said don't tell the social workers of any trouble you're having or any low points you're going through because it will only be used against you and you and your kids will suffer terribly just for telling the truth. I can only conclude from bitter first hand experience that this is because most of the social workers are dishonest themselves and get scared then threatened by someone like me telling them how things really are. Seems to me there's a few people on this website just as scared and threatened by my truth as well. Why else do you defend social services the way you do? What have YOU got to hide? Because social services have PLENTY to hide. As in the cases I mentioned above and thousands like them. Me I have f*ck all to hide myself. What you see is what you get and if other people have a problem with that so be it. But it is THEIR problem however they seem to want to make it mine. There's an awful lot of denial and projection going on in this thread. And for once it ain't ME doing it.

 

[Deleted member 34561]

Oh and @DharmaGirl? I heard it from my ex boyfriends younger brother the twin of his sister who he'd abused and offed herself a few years later what really happened. Which only served to confirm what I'd already worked out about that bastard after he threatened me with the police. People don't do what he did unless they have something to hide. You feeling me?

@bento what a shocking tale about that lady you talked about in your last reply. But sadly not surprising. And about the kids. Thanks so much for actually getting what we're up against here and for having my back on here. It really means a lot :) so cheers :)

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I'm not surprised to hear someone was actually killed in the home you were in

first I am crying right now as this is a very emotionally charged thread, it's because I see the opposite of support in the last few posts, it does not matter as much what a person's evidence is, the fact is they believe it themselves. I wish I had seen a post that said "why do you feel that way?" or "what experiences have you had to make you believe that?". What I saw sort of had a terse tone to it. But we all make mistakes, I hope this all will go by the wayside as well all are hurting and need the support of each other.

@crazydiamond47 To clarify, I was placed with a for profit organization that ran group homes. At the time there was a national crisis for foster placements, and such. That organization solved that problem. Abuse was a daily thing, it destroyed me mentally. The virginia mental health system did not help things either.

How can you even take the risk to trust someone, when an agency and organization who by federal law were mandated to protect me from such abuse actually approved of the abuse by knowingly ignoring it. Humans can never be trusted, however I trust those on this board more than others simply because we share a common bond of what ever led to our PTSD.

 

[bento]

@crazydiamond47 I believe you, the system can sometimes be incredibly abusive when
you are looking to receive help. The reality is that you have to believe in yourself and keep
moving forward.
Those who haven't seen this, find a hard time believing how bad it can get. That of course
isn't to say that there aren't amazing social workers and therapists. Both the person I saw
initially and the person I saw for EMDR were social workers. Both empathetic and dedicated,
and were an incredible help.

Most of the bad stuff I saw took place at a charter school that was hurting for funding. It was
really bad. But I think that it's probably time to say that whatever point needed to be made,
was made. Crazydiamond47 you might consider finding additional support with forums that
target dealing with personality disordered people. Doing this has helped me immensely in
both sharing what has happened and sharing with those who have had similar experience.
These situations need to be dealt with
either legally or with people who have experience w/mobbing behaviors or APD type behaviors
first hand. It is really such a particular thing, and honestly, half the time I was going through
this stuff, either first hand or witnessing it, I didn't believe it myself. It just doesn't compute
that people can behave that badly.

It's also important I think, besides documenting what happened and getting validation, to
remember that the world is also filled with good caring people. Part of the journey is
I think, finding a way to remember this and keep reaching out to find common ground.
I rarely talk about this stuff anymore, just to note that pathological power hungry types can
create very toxic groups. When you add money to the mix, all bets are off with APD types.
But if we remain focused on them we ironically remain vulnerable to more of the same.
It is so important to believe also in the goodness of people. The task for ourselves, I think
is to believe this, and find them. And believe in our hearts we are good enough to deserve
to be treated well. Pathological treatment is just that, pathological. Nothing more. It does
not have to be an indictment of who we are as people or what our lives will look like moving
forward.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

It occurred to me that one of the sayings many who provide care to me say "take care of you" meaning self-care. Others might be there to help but the only one you can truly rely on is yourself.