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Someone Please Help Me Put Into Words
- Post starter Fadeaway
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Deleted member 20280
Explaining to others what it is like to be triggered is really difficult. I would suggest checking through Anthony's articles on the forum. I believe I once read on one of them a way of explaining triggers.
:hug: Laurie
:hug: Laurie
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Deleted member 20280
- Post starter
- #4
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Deleted member 20280
There is so much info on this site it may take a short while - or google the question - I did when I had to explain to my bosses for them to give me some space when I was diagnosed last year. It really is a tricky one but with perseverance the answer is always out there.
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- #6
Thanks, sorry I am just getting frustrated because i feeling like I am goggling all the wrong words. I am also trying to explain to him the feeling i have in my chest. It is different from anxiety. It feels like death. I can't come up with another way to describe it. I have tried explaining it to my therapist and my husband, but no one seems to get it.
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How it feels to be 'triggered' can be different for different people, different experiences. If you want to tell him what it is like then you need to try and focus on what it is like for you. Perhaps if you keep trying to explain here, people will be able to help you better. Different people have different needs too. Are you able to identify what your needs are when you are triggered? There is a thread on this site that explains triggers v' s stressors which might help you explain to him what a trigger is, but I'm not sure that's the sort of thing you're wanting?
That feeling in your chest - it hurts both to breath and not to breath - it is as if there was was a huge cavern, filled with rotting and decaying fear - located in the very space where your heart was suppossed to be? Something dead being a parasite of the pulse of you blood...? That's how it feels for me...
And flashback - I know it is very individual - but - I will try -
It doesn't feel like as if I were a little girl - I AM. I am a little girl, wondering why my body seems so different. I am in the dark room again... I can see other people, I can hear them, but I don't understand - I am not with them, I am not "here and now"... I can talk, but my words don't belong to them, my words are not mine; I am trapped in the fear of a four year old child. I need hugs, getle loving hugs, but I am scared that the person who holds me turns into a monster.
It lasts for different periods of time. Until I say it is over, it is not. Then - and only then - I can talk and act as I usually do.
Shivering and hyperventilation occur as well... my good friends know what to do and they can help me... but - it wasn't easy to put it on words for me. Some people understand, others don't...
I guess your experience is different - butthis is the way I described flashbacks to some of my close friends and I think they understand it better now... Hope this helps at least a bit... :hug:
And flashback - I know it is very individual - but - I will try -
It doesn't feel like as if I were a little girl - I AM. I am a little girl, wondering why my body seems so different. I am in the dark room again... I can see other people, I can hear them, but I don't understand - I am not with them, I am not "here and now"... I can talk, but my words don't belong to them, my words are not mine; I am trapped in the fear of a four year old child. I need hugs, getle loving hugs, but I am scared that the person who holds me turns into a monster.
It lasts for different periods of time. Until I say it is over, it is not. Then - and only then - I can talk and act as I usually do.
Shivering and hyperventilation occur as well... my good friends know what to do and they can help me... but - it wasn't easy to put it on words for me. Some people understand, others don't...
I guess your experience is different - butthis is the way I described flashbacks to some of my close friends and I think they understand it better now... Hope this helps at least a bit... :hug:
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Deleted member 1860
Uhm, you mean that being visually distressed isn't enough to make your husband stop? Sorry, but he sounds like an arse. I mean if he doesn't get it when you SHOW him that you are triggered, I don't think he's gonna get it when its put into words, either.
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- #10
One of the big problems i am having is I don't have the words to explain it.
Basically tonight there was was a dinner "mishap," long story short, last time I was in the same situation I ended up with 2nd degree burns from my ex. My current husband thinks it is no big deal even thought I had told him previously what had happened. He just doesn't get how burning dinner could cause me so much agony. Not in the mental state to be able to discuss moving due to his job. Something I can barely face on a good day. So when I freaked out even worse than I already was, he said he feels like I am punishing him for what my ex did.
@bluebird yes, that explains it so well.
@Solara he isn't really, it is just this one thing. It is because i don't have the words to explain. He is the first and only person in my life I have ever been able to trust. He was the one who pulled me out of several years of isolation. The problem is he take it personal. He thinks I am lashing out at him, for something my ex did. Its not like that, and I don't know how to tell him that. I can't communicate properly especially when triggered. Even when I am not, it is still difficult to explain something I just don't have the words for.
Basically tonight there was was a dinner "mishap," long story short, last time I was in the same situation I ended up with 2nd degree burns from my ex. My current husband thinks it is no big deal even thought I had told him previously what had happened. He just doesn't get how burning dinner could cause me so much agony. Not in the mental state to be able to discuss moving due to his job. Something I can barely face on a good day. So when I freaked out even worse than I already was, he said he feels like I am punishing him for what my ex did.
@bluebird yes, that explains it so well.
@Solara he isn't really, it is just this one thing. It is because i don't have the words to explain. He is the first and only person in my life I have ever been able to trust. He was the one who pulled me out of several years of isolation. The problem is he take it personal. He thinks I am lashing out at him, for something my ex did. Its not like that, and I don't know how to tell him that. I can't communicate properly especially when triggered. Even when I am not, it is still difficult to explain something I just don't have the words for.
How about this...
The other night when dinner was burnt I was 'triggered'. This means that my brain linked the burnt dinner to another memory of my ex and I returned to the feelings felt at that past time (fear, terror and pain). While I know that our burnt dinner is not the same thing...the feelings arrive without my consent, and once arrived it takes me some time to box them back away.
Then you could try to find an analogy that would work for him. The best one I can come up with is eg scary horror movies. Horror movies typically have a character of item that becomes the focal point of fear in the movie (eg snakes, but the stronger ones are more specific to the movie). After the movie is over, people often feel fear if that character/item is seen/heard for some people the item still triggers them for hours after the movie has finished. The fear felt is understood by the person as illogical and 'part of the fun', but the emotion is present as is the physical reactions eg heart racing etc.
You could explain to him that your triggers are similar, but because they are based on real events, not movies, they are stronger, more powerful and last longer....and you can't brush them off as a silly movie, they were real events.
Hope that gives you some ideas.
The other night when dinner was burnt I was 'triggered'. This means that my brain linked the burnt dinner to another memory of my ex and I returned to the feelings felt at that past time (fear, terror and pain). While I know that our burnt dinner is not the same thing...the feelings arrive without my consent, and once arrived it takes me some time to box them back away.
Then you could try to find an analogy that would work for him. The best one I can come up with is eg scary horror movies. Horror movies typically have a character of item that becomes the focal point of fear in the movie (eg snakes, but the stronger ones are more specific to the movie). After the movie is over, people often feel fear if that character/item is seen/heard for some people the item still triggers them for hours after the movie has finished. The fear felt is understood by the person as illogical and 'part of the fun', but the emotion is present as is the physical reactions eg heart racing etc.
You could explain to him that your triggers are similar, but because they are based on real events, not movies, they are stronger, more powerful and last longer....and you can't brush them off as a silly movie, they were real events.
Hope that gives you some ideas.
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