Something Is Rotten In Denmark

[Ronin]

Heere, totally. And I'm not good with being the first hand in that line & I'd totally fear I'd drop you dear, but here's one anyway.

So what's up, what's new?

 

[Kailani]

i'll fish you up to if able; what's happening?

 

[The Albatross]

If you can't swim, tread, if you can't tread float. What is available for you to ward of this episode? What can you retrieve and make use of so you won't be sabotaging yourself?

 

[Kintsugi]

@The Albatross I guess I could start reading and writing like there is simply no tomorrow.

I had some auditory hallucinations on Friday. I was a mess two days in a row at work. Good thing (?) my co-worker has PTSD too although sometimes that can lead to us being completely non-functional, like there's no "adult" in the room.

Yesterday depression tried to wrap me up tight but I guess (I don't remember this) I sent a friend an SOS a couple nights ago, so she pushed me to come over. That helped *so much* even though I had every wish to stay inside for as long as possible.

I feel a part of me rising to the surface who is not nice. Very cold.

I feel better today but dissociation is teaming up with depression to make me feel like I'm not even real.

 

[Ronin]

You're very much real, @Simply Simon.

(And there's the other applying too - if you were not, you'd still be one of the coolest people I've met, I'd very much wish for you to stick around and get better the same.)

 

[Anarchy]

"Hallucination" - hugs and relax, what follows is intended to validate and reasure.

about 10% of the population experience voices regularly, there's a society called "resonance" in the Netherlands for people who do. Their aim is to liberate the experience from being falsely medicalised, in the same way as being GLBT has been liberated from false medicalisation.

If people who are experiencing voices are wired up, the nerves and muscles involved in speaking out loud, give electrical impulses as though they were trying to move. The "hallucination" is your own internal speech. The process of not recognising it as your own is interesting but entirely consistent with childhood trauma, dissociation and invalidation.

Gentle self soothing, and gentle grounding.

Apparently McCartney (IMHO a tw@), spent ages searching for where he had heard the tune for "yesterday" as it came to him so easily, he couldn't believe it was his own.

 

[Kintsugi]

@Anarchy I rarely hallucinate voices, but when I do, they are not internal monologue. Unless... shit, did my internal monologue laugh like a crazed hyena that one time?!

But really, I hallucinate music that doesn't exist, ice cream trucks... the bad one the other day was a train.

ETA: my most frequent voice hallucinations are my mother. Otherwise it's a voice I don't recognize at all, and that's only happened a couple times, plus the hyena/Joker laughter that scared the ever loving shit out of me.

 

[The Albatross]

Reading and writing it is. ;):tup::whistling:

 

[Anarchy]

Simon, how sleep deprived are you at the moment?

Absolutely yes, your inner monologue can laugh like a hyena.

If you're particularly sleep deprived, there might be all sorts of dream state slow waves floating around that gorgeous big brain of yours, triggering f*ck knows what sorts of spurious associations too.

 

[Kintsugi]

Well, last night B (my ex) told me I never gave him anything (of myself), I was always a liar, and, I don't know, some other hurtful shit. Then my, uh, (?) person who catalyzed me leaving B told me he felt like I was ashamed of him because I wouldn't tell B who he was (B knows him from six years ago), and there was lots of crying, and now I feel like I've been plowed over by so many trains.

I just. Sometimes it just sucks. Sometimes shit just f*cking sucks. Sometimes pain leaks through the numbness and it hurts. Where is She when I f*cking need her.

 

[Anarchy]

Hugs Simon.
A big chunk of that is their baggage, not yours.

 

[The Albatross]

In entire and whole agreement with Anarchy... let's face it, your new guy could say something to your ex if he wants. If you prefer not to, hey, that's your choice... no need for your other.