Something Went Wrong With Emdr

[therapybankrupt]

@eav I am glad to hear the therapist made adjustments. I hope you tolerated the treatment better this time. It is important to take the time to recover. The reprocessing continues sometimes a couple days after processing. tg

 

[eav]

Well, now it is two days after the therapy, and I have to say that I really do think it helped. I still just don't feel that adrenaline rush that was almost constantly there before. I've confronted major triggers in the last couple of days, I still have to stop for a bit, but I don't get that hypervigilant feeling afterward. I'm almost afraid to write that, I know it could come back at any time! It hasn't been all good since the treatment, but I haven't had the bad thoughts like last time. I do feel a little like I'm still processing today.

I am still tired today, but wake up from naps feeling more rested, really sleeping instead of the "work" I usually feel like I do when I lay down to rest. At my therapist's suggestion, I had a massage today--a woman I know does the "Push" kind where you don't have to remove clothing. The therapist wants me to learn what it is like for my body to feel completely relaxed. I've been trying to follow the therapist's homework assignment: A walk outside every day, meditation every day, and a massage at least a couple of times a month.

 

[eav]

Checking in again, it has been a month now since I started the reprocessing phase of EMDR, and I have to say that I'm really glad I stuck with it. I'm going twice a week, an hour and a half at a time (including check in, etc.) and have made a lot of progress.

I haven't had any more bad experiences. Now I really look forward to the sessions, they are hard, but I feel so much more relaxed afterward and it really seems to help. I still think EMDR is strange--it seems to take all of those fragmented scary memories and release them so I can apply some logic to them and integrate them in a much more healthy way with more positive beliefs.

We are working forward from my youngest bad memories, so it will take a while to get through this, but it does really seem to be helping. For this stage of EMDR, we decide on a bad memory to work on, then identify a belief about myself from that memory that is disturbing, along with the emotions surrounding the belief. Then we come up with a positive belief about myself at that time that I would like to believe.

It is really hard for me to even come up with a positive belief most of the time. Then I put on headphones and handbuzzers and stare at a white ball that the therapist moves back and forth. During EMDR, I see all kinds of unrelated scenes, it is kind of strange the images that my mind decides to throw up there.

I come straight home to nap, then sleep a lot for the next day, too. I like to listen to music with meaningful lyrics on the way home, usually a song gets stuck in my head and becomes part of the processing. I try to write a little about the situation, also.

Sometime in the next few hours or next day or so, I generally have a sort of epiphany and the bad memory I was working on suddenly makes sense, like I have known the positive thoughts all along, but just didn't realize it.

The unrelated scenes suddenly make sense, too. It is like my mind really wants to reframe the event, it just needs a big push to get started. The positive belief that I couldn't even come up with and sounded so fake at the beginning suddenly completely makes sense.

I don't know if I will ever know what happened after that first session, but I'm glad I kept going.

 

[BloomInWinter]

eav, what a wonderful description of the process of EMDR facilitated trauma processing. What you've written in you post today is so true for me.

I don't do the visual part, just the hand buzzers. But that seems to be more than enough to take my mind back through time, picking up more and more pieces of the memory to form a coherent memory. It's definitely not pleasant, but so far its been well worth it.

 

[Only 1 of me]

Hi eav, so glad you stuck it out - I know it isn't for everyone but it has massively helped me. I still sometimes have a few difficult days after a session, but these days I understand that I haven't done anything wrong. I have more trust in my T and in the process. That has built up over time. He always tells me that processing may continue after the session, but we also always spend time grounding. If I get a bit dissociated he stops things and gets me to ground. A target for me still is to be less dissociative in sessions and I'm doing well with that. Well done, I'm glad it's working for you.

 

[eav]

@Only 1 of me, I have a lot of difficulty not dissociating also. I also get really cold during sessions. My therapist has me drink water, and last time when I got really spacey (the subject matter was one I really didn't want to deal with), she put a very heavy blanket on me. Drinking water during the sessions seems to help a lot.

@BloomInWinter, my therapist originally said that I wouldn't do the visual part because of vertigo, but as we went along in phase 1, she realized that my "vertigo" that I've been self-diagnosed with for years is actually derealization. I haven't had any problems with the visual part.

 

[amazing grace]

Is it normal to keep seeing and feeling things so strongly afterward? I couldn't stop it, and it became increasingly scary. The therapist told me I could call her before I left the EMDR appointment--but when I did, it all went so wrong. Now I feel like I'm going to have to be careful what I tell her.

eav -
hope you're ok and yours and bec's comments have really helped me. just began seeing a therapist who wants to treat the ptsd with emdr.
now that I've read yours and bec's accounts:
NOOOOOOOOOOOO way!

here's the deal: Trust God. Love wins. God is good. The Creator had nothing to do with the multiple tragedies that happened to me. We live in a fallen world but we have all eternity to love.
really.
Almost died in accident went to heaven and yes, heaven is real.
Your heavenly Father has a great plan for you. But there is a fight from the other side. so stand strong. never give up and BELIEVE that you're healed. I have my ups and downs cuz I'm in this earth suit, but I KNOW God wins. I know I'm healed.
I'm having a tough patch with my teenager, so I sought counseling.
But I will not and DO NOT give away my power.
I used to. All the time.
But that's how I was trained to act. MK is very powerful.
Once I woke up to the childhood memories and realized alot of my infirmity was from squishing down memories, I got counsel from other females who survived similar childhood horrors. The advice was 'baby steps and what ever you do don't check into a hospital and don't take medication if possible. Be strong we're praying for you, journal and pray. baby steps."
so I did. I've remembered alot but that's not my goal.
My goal is to be 'eyes wide open' and awake and do the Lord's will here on earth.
This new counselor has been pushing towards emdr so I came to research.
I'm so glad I found your post because being triggered right now in the midst of a move, my teenager rebelling and just starting college could be fatal.
I'm familiar with the concept of flooding and have experienced it but white-knuckled it through and prayed. I don't need that from a therapist.
as a believer, I pray and listen to the still small voice. (no, not audible) until I have peace. I didn't have peace about his pressing for it and said I'd have to do some research. my research tells me emdr smacks of mind control and neurolinguistics and perhaps works only because the visual cues occasionally succeed in hypnotizing the client for a span of time.
thanks again.
be well
be grateful
be love and the road will become clear.
don't give away your power.

thanks again