Somethings out of control

[Abstract]

I know it is often "impossible" to do but can you take a time out? Sometimes the fallout of that is less than the alternative. Im not good at doing that myself but am more recently better at managing risk fallout and choices. In the past have been so caught up with what I want to do, not wanting to do it badly or give up and not even thinking to listen to myself that I have crashed and burned repeatedly.

The first thing I do is check the basis. Rest food basic medical etc. The second thing is releasing the valve on the pressure cooker so I can think and re calibrate. It isnt easy or prefect but more recently when I can do it I have managed to get myself from over the precipice to grounds that are unshaky enough to make further decisions.

Not saying that that would work for your situation as we and circumstances are all unique. Am saying to maybe give yourself permission to take a time out though. And have food. We have had discussions on that before and our brains so cannot sustain themselves without it. When between a rock and hard place try these days to make the next important decision and then take the rest from there. All sorts of options and possibilities are always there even though that seems impossible at the time. You are more important than the job and anything related. And You being important can help you do the job.

I also find I need to listen to my boundaries a bit. One of the extra "voices" in the cocophany is the sound of my disturbed and unheard boundaries. What are your boundaries telling you. Its always worth asking

 

[blackemerald1]

So, went to bed early last night didn't help, tossed and turned for hours stressing that things are falling behind at work and I have no focus or ability to catch up.

So let's pick apart just this aspect ^

If you cannot sleep I think the best thing to do is get up and do something.
Maybe that even means doing some work if that is what is eating away at your peace of mind and creating so much anxiety. If you cannot sleep being in bed when it is driving you up the wall is futile in my opinion.

Possibly you cannot do some of your work because it needs to be done when the rest of the organisation is awake too.. but maybe there is some that can at least be planned out? Emails answered, draft reports edited or checked idk.. is there anything?

Or, cook, clean, iron - something rather than tossing in bed filled with anxiety and stress.. but don't cut or sh..

If things are falling behind at work - attend to the reasons why...if you can.

Is it really you? Or are you scapegoating yourself. Is it the gross amount of work? Is it the season.. when reports need to be done and everyone is under the pump but it will ease off? Is it because you are being expected to do somebody else's job? Work out why you are feeling so overwhelmed and see if you can either recognise it for what it is and breathe because nothing can be done to ease it except slog through until the pressure eases off or, think through some possibilities that may bring you some relief. Idk what would work but you are a problem solver - what would help ease up this burden if it can be done?

Focus and ability. These are skills that can wax and wain depending on how we are feeling on any given day and also external influences. If you don't eat - you will not be able to foucs so eat even if you hate every mouthful. Drink heaps of water until you are pissing your pants...your liver and body will love it. Sometimes there are patterns to these skills too - have you looked at your pattern for when you are most productive, focused etc? Can you change around your work day to best utilise your individual pattern?

I was always much more alert in the afternoon and evening than in the morning. So if I had anything requiring total focus and all of my abilities (and I had the choice) that's when I turned my mind to do those things. We are all different. Can you construct at least some of your day to more suit you?

Do you do any designated exercise purely for your body and brain @FauxLiz? It doesn't have to be a herculean in nature but simply a time out every day or possibly only three times a week (whatever works for you) where you go and do it - and only it.

It is most important that you take care of yourself like @Abstract has mentioned... This is absolutely is your right but also a critical necessity to keep you mentally and physically capable. Think about it and find your activity.

It seems your job is highly cerebral so if that's the case - structured physical activity may be a complete game changer for you. I really do want you to try it. I think you can do yoga and other stuff too but I am talking about getting your heart beat up, sweating and having to make yourself do something and being accountable to achieve goals. It doesn't need to be a team sport. There are heaps of activities that require nothing but your own body and determination. Take a look.

How much confidence do you really have to do this job and reach beyond work to living? That is the whole point of working after all… it's a means to living.. not the other way round. You were not given this job because someone found you wandering the street. You do have real skills and abilities the organisation needs and wants. So remember that when you have a bad moment. :)

Also you often write in absolute's and fear of losing everything - again. :hug: I know how this feels. I know how this thinking develops and it's a horrible and undermining type of feeling that constantly nags at you in the background.

What would help you lift yourself away from that catastrophic thinking? Just one single little thing that would help start you to think differently? Do you have any long term goals for instance or are you still too scared to make them?