So, I only picked up his son one day this week, and that was because we were met at the Vet Outreach, and picking him up would be the only way he would be able to make it there in time. We haven't spoken much this week, and it's been very difficult.
We had couples therapy this morning before he went to work. He was a few minutes late, but did show up. At least that gave me a chance to talk to our therapist alone for a few minutes first. Our session was good, but not super fruitful. I think I managed to make my point to him without him feeling attacked. His demeanor did have a small shift, though.
He also mentioned he feels like he has a spot on his soul right now. He feels overwhelmed and that he doesn't have time to do everything he needs to. I told him that a lot of that is due to his own making. I mentioned that by doing things this way, our resources are stretched to the limit. I told him a lot of things, both supportive, and boundary establishing.
He told me that at the time he wanted to leave 6 weeks ago, he "meant it" when he said he wanted to be alone and do everything alone. But since we've been doing so much stuff with us anyway, he finds it "enjoyable". He said there are times still he thinks he should be alone, but I explained to him that he hasn't been alone, that I've been right there for him to rely on.
I reminded him of the fact that when two people in our lives "left" all of a sudden, he took it hard and cried over it. I asked him if he really believed that it would be easier on him for me to actually go away. I told him that I don't believe that for a second....especially when he just got done saying spending time with us is "enjoyable". He agreed that he doesn't really want that, but is confused about what he wants and doesn't want to hurt anyone.
We are going to go to dinner tonight...I want to talk to him a little more and let him know what my expectations are...and see what he thinks he can manage for right now. I think right now, what we both need a little (LOT) of is some R&R... I think maybe we could both use a little time to just enjoy each other and "live" instead of "fix". I still don't know what to do, but this at least seems like a small move in the right direction.
Please say a little prayer, or wish me well....or whatever. I don't think I'm doing the wrong thing by sending out the olive branch...I'm tired of fighting....I'm tired of "talking", I'm tired of thinking....I just want to go have a nice conversation at dinner, and hope he'll spend the night with me at "home". Since his son is with his mom this weekend, I'm hoping he will consider it. I just need him to cuddle me tonight so I can get some rest...if not, that's going to have to be okay too....but I hope he does.
