This past January, I found myself in a situation where my PTSD was coming back. I go for short walks when I can't control myself, seeing as I don't care to explode in front of my husband and kids, but this January it was different.
I started walking, and I kept walking, and walking. I ended up in a complete disassociative state, five miles from home, in the dead of night without a wallet, keys, or cell phone. When I came to, I was in the middle of nowhere and sobbing violently. I was able to walk a little further until I found a gas station, where I had them call an ambulance.
I went to the hospital which was a nightmare unto itself. I was the only patient in the ward who was not a violent patient, I had no desire to harm myself or others but I was still stripped down to basic garments and locked in isolation. I had calmed down by the time my doctor had come to evaluate me, I was fairly able to explain why I have PTSD. I grew up in an abusive home, left home and moved in with an abusive mother-in-law, cut ties with her, was stalked aggressively by her (I should mention that both my parents and my in-laws are uber-wealthy, so they have the time/funds to stalk us), moved out of the state, was raped by a stranger, moved again, and was continuing to be stalked by my mother-in-law via private investigators.
The doctor looked at me like I was absolutely insane. She wanted my committal but she decided to call my husband first to verify the story. Of course, he did verify that everything I said was the truth, but now I have a persistent fear of talking face-to-face with someone. I am worried that they think I have some form of extreme personality disorder, that I am the problem, or that I am making things up.
Has anyone ever felt that way? Any coping mechanisms?
Thank you all so much on here, you are all very helpful.
I started walking, and I kept walking, and walking. I ended up in a complete disassociative state, five miles from home, in the dead of night without a wallet, keys, or cell phone. When I came to, I was in the middle of nowhere and sobbing violently. I was able to walk a little further until I found a gas station, where I had them call an ambulance.
I went to the hospital which was a nightmare unto itself. I was the only patient in the ward who was not a violent patient, I had no desire to harm myself or others but I was still stripped down to basic garments and locked in isolation. I had calmed down by the time my doctor had come to evaluate me, I was fairly able to explain why I have PTSD. I grew up in an abusive home, left home and moved in with an abusive mother-in-law, cut ties with her, was stalked aggressively by her (I should mention that both my parents and my in-laws are uber-wealthy, so they have the time/funds to stalk us), moved out of the state, was raped by a stranger, moved again, and was continuing to be stalked by my mother-in-law via private investigators.
The doctor looked at me like I was absolutely insane. She wanted my committal but she decided to call my husband first to verify the story. Of course, he did verify that everything I said was the truth, but now I have a persistent fear of talking face-to-face with someone. I am worried that they think I have some form of extreme personality disorder, that I am the problem, or that I am making things up.
Has anyone ever felt that way? Any coping mechanisms?
Thank you all so much on here, you are all very helpful.
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