General Son with PTSD/depression/anxiety

[Karen J.]

Hello,

I'm not even sure where to start so here goes:

My 31-year old son has been living with PTSD and extreme anxiety and panic attacks for the last several years. He had already been experiencing a lot of anxiety, then his wife of one year shot herself while he was in the house. He found her in the bathtub and, needless to say, has been a complete wreck ever since. He has been to rehab twice for alcohol addiction, which he was using to medicate the anxiety and PTSD. He seems to be over the alcohol, but two years later he is is still so anxious and panic-ridden that he hasn't been able to work. He spends a lot of time alone.

He started dating a girl about a year ago, and they moved into a large apartment about 6 weeks ago. She suddenly broke up with him and he is back to "square one" as he puts it. He came over yesterday and looks like a shell of a person, just completely lost. He says he only sleeps about 5-6 hours a night, but it is interrupted sleep. After his wife committed suicide, he couldn't sleep at all because of the nightmares.

He has a counselor he sees sporadically, once every few months, and was taking Prozac but hasn't been on it for about 2 months. I made him call his counselor yesterday and tell her it was an emergency and that he needed his meds. Hopefully he can get back on them today.

I am at a loss as to what to do. I don't think the counseling he gets is doing much good, he is just as anxious and depressed as he was 2 years ago. But it could be that he isn't putting in the work. I don't think he's very honest with his counselor about what goes on in his life. Her refers to his wife's suicide as "the situation with Emily" and I don't think has ever fully processed what happened.

This is a lot of information, but I would appreciate any help or advice. I fear what will happen if he doesn't get better.

Thanks,

 

[Sweetpea76]

He may not get better. That’s something we as supporters have to accept about our loved ones.

PTSD treatment isn’t fast, and there isn’t a guaranteed cure. He may eventually learn to manage symptoms, but the trauma will always be there. Think years, not months in terms of treatment. Also, trauma therapy is hellish. It often times makes things worse before they get better. Add addiction into the mix and it’s a bigger hurdle. It’s a long hard road... but the fact that he’s willing to seek treatment is a positive thing.

The breakup was probably a huge stressor and set him back for awhile.

It’s good to find some support for yourself... it’s rough being a supporter too, even if you’re the “healthy” one. This forum is a great place with a lot of information and people who understand. Welcome.

 

[Karen J.]

Thank you for your thoughtful and honest reply. He seems to have regressed to where he was when his wife died; unable to sleep, concentrate, or be alone. I am hopeful he gets back on his meds. It is nice to have a place to come and vent, with people who are going through the same thing.

Karen

 

[Sunandbutterflies]

So sorry to hear about your son and the hardship that your family has endures.
I am sure that you care very much for your son and it is heartbreaking to see him go through this. I cannot imagine how much he is hurting right now or how triggering losing his girlfriendmust be. I would encourage you to pray for your son, look for ways to support him, perhaps even seek counseling for yourself.
Please be patient with him and yourself. Hope you both have a better week.

 

[Sweetpea76]

... and this added stress with current events is no freaking help! It’s throwing everybody for a loop.

 

[Rainman8772]

Hello,

I'm not even sure where to start so here goes:

My 31-year old son has been living with PTSD and extreme anxiety and panic attacks for the last several years. He had already been experiencing a lot of anxiety, then his wife of one year shot herself while he was in the house. He found her in the bathtub and, needless to say, has been a complete wreck ever since. He has been to rehab twice for alcohol addiction, which he was using to medicate the anxiety and PTSD. He seems to be over the alcohol, but two years later he is is still so anxious and panic-ridden that he hasn't been able to work. He spends a lot of time alone.

He started dating a girl about a year ago, and they moved into a large apartment about 6 weeks ago. She suddenly broke up with him and he is back to "square one" as he puts it. He came over yesterday and looks like a shell of a person, just completely lost. He says he only sleeps about 5-6 hours a night, but it is interrupted sleep. After his wife committed suicide, he couldn't sleep at all because of the nightmares.

He has a counselor he sees sporadically, once every few months, and was taking Prozac but hasn't been on it for about 2 months. I made him call his counselor yesterday and tell her it was an emergency and that he needed his meds. Hopefully he can get back on them today.

I am at a loss as to what to do. I don't think the counseling he gets is doing much good, he is just as anxious and depressed as he was 2 years ago. But it could be that he isn't putting in the work. I don't think he's very honest with his counselor about what goes on in his life. Her refers to his wife's suicide as "the situation with Emily" and I don't think has ever fully processed what happened.

This is a lot of information, but I would appreciate any help or advice. I fear what will happen if he doesn't get better.

Thanks,

Was the Prozac helping him? It usually takes a few tries to find a med that works. Speaking personally for myself staying occupied helps too. If your brain is busy doing some simple task where you can actually see progress quickly you can’t focus on the bad things. I went into a vocational rehab program myself building things through a state program for various businesses. It Was physically demanding to start with because, I had not been doing much, but after a couple weeks it got easier. Doing that I was physically exhausted by the end of the day so could not focus on anything except sleep. Also helps build some confidence back. I know under the current environment those programs are shut down temporarily but may be something to look into down the road. It’s a long hard road he is facing and very hard as I am sure you have seen from post here.

 

[Karen J.]

... and this added stress with current events is no freaking help! It’s throwing everybody for a loop.

I know right??

 

[Sweetpea76]

My partner is a vet with combat PTSD, and he’s been doing pretty good in some ways. He hates people, so isolating is not a change of lifestyle for him. He also feels more in control when he sees “civilians” melting down during a crisis... maybe because he’s been through worse and made it? I’m not sure how that thought process is happening, but he’s oddly calm. I can’t help but to think this will hit the fan eventually though.

 

[dcb2410]

Hi Karen, my thoughts are with you and your son. I was in a relationship with someone i adored who lost their partner to suicide a couple of years ago. My ex partner was remarkably strong in many ways. However it became apparent towards the end that she had still not processed parts of what had happened and i definitely underestimated the impact it was still having on her life. having to fill out forms for school etc with her ex partner's name as the father of her daughter. my ex partner had also lost her father in a shocking way. I haven't had trauma of that type, i have lived with depression over the years from other traumatic incidents but ones that were longer in duration rather than a particular sudden thing. when i have been depressed i've probably pushed people away. getting through the day was a challenge. having a good counsellor does make a difference. someone who can accept you in the moment. when i've had people push me to things when didn't feel ready or able, i have been upset. can only suggest patience and being gentle. asking if there is anything small that you could do that would help. but not to expect too much. i feel like i failed my ex partner in not understanding what she needed. thought i was doing the things she wanted - to be there, to show commitment, to reassure, but suspect she also needed distance and just to be in her own head at times and to deal with things herself in her own time. i've needed that myself at times.

 

[joeylittle]

Reminder to Sufferers:

Read this thread before posting. Thanks.

 

[Deanna]

As a supporter and a suffer, I've seen my boyfriend break down several times. He breaks down and is on the right medication. I wish I could do something.. I can hold him. Being just a young woman with C-PTSD ( undiagnosed) i had a brother commit suicide. I know how your son feels. There are no words. I was in another state when he killed himself the same way your sons wife killed herself. I also experienced someone very close to my heart die and I couldn't be there. That ripped me in two for 7 years.. Being there would have been over-whelming for me also. There is no best way death can happen. I needed so much support and didn't even know it. I hope your son can get couceling and medication soon. It doesn't take all the pain away but he'll actually have good days too. Best..